Sunday, November 12, 2017

2019...

My real freedom which falls on mid of 2019... Still very far to me... There are so many things I am looking forward to on that time.. Something that I want to do right now but only can be done on 2019... This is absolutely torturing... I really hope time passes by even faster for now... My life starts to be a total mess again... Depression... Why???



My mood swing is way much scarier than a woman having her period lolz...

Saturday, November 4, 2017

Unsettle Feelings...

I thought that I am more financially stable recently... But when I look forward to the upcoming commitment in this year end, it freaks me out... I just realise there are so many upcoming things I need to settle... Car services, increase in loans, gym membership, ex-colleague's wedding money, and credit card debts... Is true that my bonus could clear all of these things but in the end, I am not saving a single cent... I am worried and feeling pressured right now... I am getting tired of this and this is just the beginning of my commitments... Later on, the commitment will go even higher and I just do not know what to do with it... To be frank, I am not sure how long I can sustain like this... I notice that as I grew older, the things I used to enjoy no longer something I could afford to enjoy... My life is somehow fucked up... Like seriously...



I am extremely tired... I start to feel lifeless...

Wednesday, November 1, 2017

Stop Being Dumb!!!

Ok... It is kinda stupid that I paid 80 bucks just for a short, nothing special b2b massage... I mean I can spend that 80 bucks on other better masseur but this one seriously not worthy... I don't blame them to be money minded since this is their only way to earn extra bucks... Hence, I have to be smarter next time...

Moving on to my life, so far so good... Nothing special is happening except that I know my man has came back to KL... Well, I wanted to meet him up for a meal and not anything else... Serious!!!



Darn sleepy liao Zzzzzz...

Wednesday, October 25, 2017

Recent Addiction...

So glad that I started to move myself away from sexual activities with other guys... It is still undeniable that I am bi/gay but at least I am not overly indulge with those sexual pleasure now... It somehow dies off at a certain point and I can get back to my normal, ordinary easy-going life as how it was used to be... One thing for sure is I am not looking forward to those things at this point...

Currently, this is my recent addiction:


BTS should be the only Korean male group that impresses me the most right now :D



Gotta download their albums lolz...

Wednesday, October 18, 2017

Sudden Realisation...

As I get older, I see my good old friends in a very different way... Not sure if my perception turns out to be more sensitive or what, but I don't know why it makes me feel uncomfortable... There are a few particular friends which somehow does not satisfy with my life... For instance, I just made a post on Facebook stating something very simple: "Hello long holiday :D :D :D"
As today is a public holiday and I took 2 days off, I am getting 5 days off from work which is nice... But that particular friend which I still consider a good friend of mine, gave me not a like, but an angry response... Like seriously??? Let me get into this once and for all:

1. He is more richer than me... He even have a better life and a better paid job than me... Why is he giving me that response when I am just getting a long off???
2. He gets to travel more than I do... But when I travel, he gave me the same response...
3. When I eat something new, he gave me that response, thinking that I have a better life...

It is clear that I don't care about other people's life... Yes I do get envious but I will NEVER response to their life badly... In fact, I am happy on behalf of them when they get to travel and eat good food... That's me :)



I am kind... Sekian lolz...

Sunday, October 15, 2017

Not So Keen...

Ok things feels differently from before now... I may still interested in expressing myself to him, but I am totally not eager or interested in having sexual fun with other guys now... Not a bit... I just felt that if I want to release, I can just do it all by myself... Or perhaps I am just too into him, as in want to be myself more when I am with him... I'm sort of unclear but I think I should keep it this way as of now... Do not let myself gone too wild... I want my life to be fully under my control... Do no let my desire kills me...

I am still keeping part of my love for him... Not sure why but I just think it will never go wrong...



More updates soon...

Monday, October 2, 2017

October Update!!!

First off, I failed to express myself to Hideto... Yes... I may sound like a failure but I think I made a right choice because that day itself, I am very sure Hideto is not having a good day... He look kinda moody to me and I somehow exceed the time with him... I can sense that he is a little bit unhappy as well so it was the right choice for me not to express... I should hang out with him more instead of having him doing his job whenever we meet most of the time... He is a human and he needs to rest sometimes... Probably by making him thinking me as a less sexual driven guy, he might be more happier or comfortable with me...

Now let's move on to next thing... I am sort of getting tired hanging out with other guys in BW recently... I just felt that the more I hook up with someone new, the more disappointing it will be... They tend to be less attractive to me in certain ways... Is it because after meeting Hideto, nobody can be compared to him??? I am too lazy to think about this in the end...

Third, I skipped gym for 2 days and I felt extremely guilty... 2 days (last Friday and today) I am supposed to go gym and due to my job, I have to give up my gym... Thinking of this certainly pisses me off but it should be fine after everything goes smoothly...

Fourth, I really hate headaches...



I REALLY HATE HEADACHES!!! OR MIGRAINES!!! I JUST WANT TO VENT ALL THE SHIT OUT!!! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Tuesday, September 26, 2017

Preparation...

My next stage of my love life lies on my next meetup with him... I never expect myself to deeply in love with him like this and this is definitely my only chance to express my feelings for him... Funny thing is, I never do this before and on my very first attempt, it is a guy lolz... For some reason, I am absolutely shameless because this is what real love supposed to feel... If you love someone regardless of gender, grab the opportunity to express your love... Whether it is a success or fail, you know you did it... That's it... And I have to admit that I regret for not expressing it to my crush earlier but at least for now, I have someone else...

I'm not sure what his response will be and I am genuinely scared, happy, excited, anxious, troubled, uneasy, and many more feelings... I can say that he do have a little feelings for me and I really hope he is willing to accept my love by giving me a chance... Plus, he loves to sing, play games and used to watch animes, exactly like me... This somehow is an additional points which indicates that I might have a good chance to give both of us a chance to be loved...

Right now, I am counting every hour towards our next meet up... Every night before I sleep, I will always think about him, thinking about how to express myself, thinking about what should be better for both of us if we get together, and even what I should do if he reject me... I am totally overwhelmed with these thoughts and I really need to get this cleared up as soon as possible...

Although we don't know each other much, but I got a feeling that this is going to be a successful moment for me, where I can be successful on my first try... I just do not know what to type as there are too much things going on in my brain... Fuck it!!!



YOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO!!!