On The Edge Of Depression...

When I found out that I can even blog via my mobile, indeed I feel a little bit relieved... At least I don't need to type out my feelings and things in front of other people... Perhaps secret should be remained as secret... Nevertheless, this depression will never shakes off easily until I found a better paid job or buy the house I've been looking into... I just don't know how to handle depression... I may be able to handle stress but definitely not depression... Is there even something I can do to keep myself not thinking about this???

The fact that I can see most of my friends in Facebook are posting pictures of them vacation (or for working purposes) at nice places, or bought their houses... Vacations aside, that type of lifetime goal/achievement that I've been trying to achieve (yes is the buying house part) just never comes to me...

Right now I feel like I'm living in a world surrounded with depressing moment... Is not because I am desperately wanted to buy a house... Even if I tried not to think about buying house, I just feel like my current pay will not be able to sustain my expenses... So is like I should get a new job first then only consider buying a house or buy first??? If I buy it now, will my current salary about to obtain the loan??? If I buy after getting a better job, will I ever find an affordable house??? I'm totally lost in this...

So far what I notice is even I tried to go for a few interviews, none of the company would like to hire me... I tried to browse for the affordable house, is either they are sold or the price displayed does not represent the right price... What am I supposed to do seriously???



How do I keep myself positive when there are just things meant to keep you depressed all the time???

Long Weekend...

Really love this type of long holiday even if it is just staying at home doing nothing... Getting tired of facing the reality in my life... I'm not talking about work stress or other thing that's giving me stress... In fact, is about how I am not appreciate for what I have been doing... You know how much it hurts when someone tells you indirectly that you are not helpful and you are just causing yourself some trouble while that person telling you that never consider about what state (as a team) that we are currently in now? I mean come on... You get paid more than me... You are higher position than me (that's how it is currently works :D)... You need more help since you need to do more things??? So you assume that I don't have anything to do and I can clean up all the piles of things you made even without asking me if I can finish it on time? I am so sorry that I disappointed you in this way...

Another saddest moment that I would like to share this time: Have your superior ever ask you "Is this off day a must for you?" and the next thing is your superior tells you that he will be on leave for 2 DAYS (a day more than what I took) and asked me if I can work on the weekends so I could finish up my things while your superior is enjoying somewhere? Seriously??? Fuck you I don't buy this type of fairness at all... Should I failed to finish up my things on time, blame yourself for not discussing with me properly AND perhaps, try learning to manage how much things you are capable in handling before moving on to the next one.

I don't mind if things were thrown at me constantly as I personally think that I could handle it slowly. However, if you start complaining that I'm doing it slow or not as efficient as what you thought of, then I will have these 4 words for you: Sorry And Fuck You!

To be honest there are over a million things that I am very dissatisfied with as in my whining will turns out to be writing a novel. But oh well... Just touch on the most annoying part is good enough to relieve some anger within me...



Back to looking for my house... Found one that is really lovely and not far from where it seems... Even I do not have luck or chance to change my job, at least having a choice to buy a cheap house will not make me any depressed... Hehe :D

Three Hectic Weeks...

The past 3 weeks was a mere nightmare for me... I would say it was the worst time I ever had working in this company... And the worst part is, things just get unfavourable as if they know I would like to leave... To be honest I don't hate this company but the things that had just happened makes me thing that I would like to leave due to all this unfavourable events... The reason for me to leave is to change the environment a little as doing the same thing might be a little bit dull...

Right now, I'm not sure if the new company I went for interview last 2 weeks will be locking me up... This feeling of hanging on the edge is kinda killing me right now... Most importantly, I need a better pay job to sustain my living cost... Eventually, it feels like as if it will never come...

There are too much thing to busy with right now... I feel so busy that I lost my interest in doing it right away... What I really can do now is keep myself being positive so I will not have my thinking astray...



All I really hope now is that the latest company will give me a call, telling me that they will lock me up...

Falling Apart...

At first I thought it would be fine... Eventually, it turns out to be miserable the moment my superior puts a high expectation on me... I mean I am really sorry if I can't fulfil your expectation but it doesn't mean you can choose not to appreciate the things I am trying very hard to do... If you seriously think I am not good enough, please find another people to replace me... I won't mad at all if you think there will be a better candidate to replace me... Do you know how hurtful when you say I am not being serious with my work when I am just trying to keep myself awake after not sleeping for almost 48 hours??? There are a few more hurtful moments but the one I mentioned above is the most hurtful one (I am very heartbroken to type the rest)... The worst part is, I don't feel like a human to you anymore when you are just next to me... I don't even think I am part of the team in your "team" anymore... I wanted to get this straight:-

I just hope to see that day comes...



I only have one wish now: Change to a new job ASAP...

At Last...

Something to spice up my dull life... Though it is not what I needed, but hopefully it can keep me uplifted for a period of time...



I have not give up buying a house... But one thing for sure is, I must not allow financial problem to constantly affects my emotion :)

Seems Intimidating...

Samsung Galaxy Note Edge... Like seriously??? Kinda attracted to it and don't really know what to do... But after playing with the display unit at the store itself, I do notice that the slight delay or response from the phone when I tried to open an application or swipe around... It doesn't seems to be as responsive as it should be like Note 4 (as what other people said)... Hmmmm... Camera wise is not to say very good, but considered acceptable... A lot of things I still need to try... Should have tested Note 4 at that time so I can make some comparison with it...

Nevertheless, the rumoured S6 Edge is gonna be announced tomorrow... Hope to hear some good news from it soon :)



I feel like I will die if I don't do something with my life...

Not Supposed To Be Depressed But...

5 losing streaks... Is there a way that I can console myself that this is not depressing??? Huh... Not 3... Not 4... But 5??? Perhaps it could be 6 later... Whatever reason it is, I must not let this affects my gambling... Better release all my depressions here then move on with my typical life...



Today marks the 9th day of CNY... Or 10th day of CNY in another 23 minutes :P

Please Don't End :'(

One of my wish: Hoping that CNY will never end... Lolz...

The feeling of gambling during CNY are usually more intense... Not sure why but I love it :D

Next Thursday is considered the last day of CNY... And of course, March is the month which I need to struggle through... Ohhhh maiiii~~~ I just wanna gamble for now xD



Dong Dong Chiang!!!