When Life Is Perfect...

I've been longing for a perfect life... At least comfortable enough financially without any debts, has a nice house, a nice car, and someone to accompany you for the rest of your life... I've turned 30 and sadly to say, the next crisis are always waiting for me... Able to enjoy life without any worries would be something everyone hope for, not just me... But seeing people living a perfect life always make me wonder why I am still so far away from being like them... Not just in terms of wealth, they are absolutely gorgeous physically which leads to a good health... The time I've spent to achieve either wealth or health is not even close to what it seems... Stuggles are always there... Sadness never stops to engulf me... When I try to put an effort in achieving something, it can never go as planned... What is a perfect life to me??? When is the perfect comes to me??? When will I get my perfect life???

Hopefully the answer lies ahead sooner...



When will my sadness turns into happiness???

Busy Days Ahead...

Yes... It has been a month since I post something... My life is literally lifeless... Even if I got the time, I would use it to do something I want... So right that I have nothing to do now, I have decided to post something...

It will be too cumbersome for me to type what happened so far in my life via mobile... I would keep that for another day when I'm using a PC... However, today's post will be a picture post and be prepared for it!!!

Letme be frank... I have lose weight... Like a lot... I was supposed to bulk up and now I'm losing weight... This is going to be hard and difficult for me to catch up... What am I supposed to do???

When will I get my desired body??? T_T

February 2020...

Ok... This month, is gonna be a hellish month for me... It will not be an enjoyable month and probably I don't dare to imagine what is waiting for me ahead... Yes... I still get to enjoy a short trip to Penang next week and that would be the most enjoying moment for me in the month of February... The rest, I wish time passes by quickly, or at least ensure what I have been doing is right... Thinking about this project exhaust me so much that I would not hesitate to change job if I can...

I knew that I won't get to enjoy as much as I used to... But I just don't like the working environment of my current project...



SET ME FREEEEEEEEEE!!!

Happy Lunar New Year 2020!!!

Ok. First of all, sorry for the belated wishes and I would like to wish everyone a happy, wealthy and healthy Lunar New Year of 2020!!!

Since I rarely get to blog nowadays, I can only update it like once or twice a month... There are quite an amount of update so it might be a lengthy post once in a while but I will try to keep it short... As of now, nothing much is happening... All I can say is my next post in the blog would be after next my Penang trip which is next week... Be prepared for a lot of pics as well...



GONG XI FA CAI!!!!! HUAT AHHHHHHH!!!

Life Is Complicated...

Since last month, lots of things had happen and it heavily affects me emotionally and I am really having a hard time going through... Hence this is the reason why I didn't post anything for quite some time... Now, I will give out a summary of what happened since Dec 2019 up until this new year of Jan 2020:

1. I was struggling with my job. Like seriously bad. It never went well and I was in a serious mental breakdown where I can't concentrate and get anything right. Do note that this is not because I was going through something else but I personally not fond of this project hence I know I can't handle it well. Probably I should say this project is not suitable for me. After a tiring 3 months of struggle, now I can say I am slightly better but I don't think I will ever continue with working on insurance related project. Don't ask me why.

2. Met a guy. We had fun and everything was great until I realise he fell in love with me deeply. It was a complicating relationship that I am having. Given that he knows about my boyfriend, he just want to be with me. And because of his sad past, I kind of pity him but would love to see him recover and be better with me being around him. Don't get me wrong. I like him as a very good friend and I am very clear I will NEVER love him as a boyfriend since my love is for my boyfriend. I have drawn this line very clear with him. Nevertheless, he just wants to be with me so that he can forget his ex and I admit that whatever I do now could make him step deeper. He needs to know what he is doing for sure.

3. Seeing my friends travelling for year end. Yes. I am poor as fuck and not in a very favourable financial status. I will never get to enjoy much in terms of spending. I don't have that luxury anymore. It might drive me crazy but I still have to move on with my life. Waiting for my home to be ready feels so far away. Will my life be ever easy from now onwards? Lol.

4. Gym? No longer able to workout as much as I used to. The fact that I workout lesser nowadays due to my current project makes me fall sick even easier. Is not a good sign and I think I should not stay in this project any longer. Have to make the right decision for my health now.

5. PS4. I have so many games to catch up. Forget about Nintendo Switch. I don't even have time for my PS4. I really want to get back to my gaming life. Felt that my life changes a lot since I stop playing console games.


I have listed down most of my sad things and all I can wish for is better days ahead... Wanting to change job but unsure if there are company who would love to hire me... Is not easy at my age now... Nothing is easy...




Happy Belated New Year 2020...

This Is Me...

For the last 2 months, I was placed or assigned to work in my client office. Initially, I was very excited and determined to work for this project because I can see that I will get to learn a lot of things. It is true. Within the last 2 months, I've learned a lot about insurance. Everything went well until last month, I start to realise something is not right, or maybe it was never right to begin with. This is not what I expected and definitely not something that I want to do. Unfortunately, there will be a conclusion this time. And a not so favourable one.

As time passes by, I try to understand what I'm supposed to. I do what I can and write it out. I was very confident with my understanding on what I'm assigned to and as usual, it don't seem to be wrong. Of course there might be some missed out info as I could not grasp everything in a moment. But it shouldn't be as bad as how it could be. Well. BAMMMM! My superior says that I missed out the main point. My superior says that I wrote it incorrectly. My superior says that what I have written are mostly irrelevant. At this point, what I really understand about myself is that I don't understand anything at all. It was depressing. It does not happen once. Not twice. Not trice. It is everytime. I tried my best to think and put it down yet I can't achieve what I'm supposed to. It is clear to me that I am not fit to be involved in this project.

One. I am a complete burden not just to my superior but the whole project team.

Two. I'm not contributing anything at all.

Three. I'm wasting everyone's time and effort.

I don't mind being known as an asshole for leaving this project so sudden. My sudden departure definitely gives a bad impression to my company but I have to decide something rather than dragging the entire project down and cause unnecessary inconvenience to others.

I am at a state now where I will never be productive, permanent shut down, slightly depressed just thinking about it and useless. I'm going to speak out everything and let my boss know that I can never continue and this is definitely something I have to apologise.



I can foresee that my departure would make this project a more successful one.

Disappointments...

Tried out Grindr and I thought it was a good app to meet up with some hot guys and chat with them... But reality sucks... Either they are fake, just taking advantages out of you, not keen on showing face, or worst, asks you to register for some shit... I'm not blaming them as everyone has their own taste... Just that, this is not something I'm looking forward to being disappointment is way much more than able to have some fun...

I felt deeply sad that I get to see those hot guys in there lingering around but me myself knowing that I will never get my hands on them... All I want is just to feel some body...

Same goes to the guy I met in the gym... Guess I will never have the chance to make him mine...



Sigh...........

FML #2

Ok... I'm so fucked up... To keep everything short, I am asking for God assistance again this time to really help me with this... Please allow me to see the guy that made me swoon by winking at me... I just want to get his number, that's all... So please and please, let me see him again...

I never expect that I will get this torturing feeling after few months... How am I going to move on tonight at this state???



Dear God please please please please please really really really really really help me... I just do not want to torture myself further emotionally...