Life Is Complicated...

Since last month, lots of things had happen and it heavily affects me emotionally and I am really having a hard time going through... Hence this is the reason why I didn't post anything for quite some time... Now, I will give out a summary of what happened since Dec 2019 up until this new year of Jan 2020:

1. I was struggling with my job. Like seriously bad. It never went well and I was in a serious mental breakdown where I can't concentrate and get anything right. Do note that this is not because I was going through something else but I personally not fond of this project hence I know I can't handle it well. Probably I should say this project is not suitable for me. After a tiring 3 months of struggle, now I can say I am slightly better but I don't think I will ever continue with working on insurance related project. Don't ask me why.

2. Met a guy. We had fun and everything was great until I realise he fell in love with me deeply. It was a complicating relationship that I am having. Given that he knows about my boyfriend, he just want to be with me. And because of his sad past, I kind of pity him but would love to see him recover and be better with me being around him. Don't get me wrong. I like him as a very good friend and I am very clear I will NEVER love him as a boyfriend since my love is for my boyfriend. I have drawn this line very clear with him. Nevertheless, he just wants to be with me so that he can forget his ex and I admit that whatever I do now could make him step deeper. He needs to know what he is doing for sure.

3. Seeing my friends travelling for year end. Yes. I am poor as fuck and not in a very favourable financial status. I will never get to enjoy much in terms of spending. I don't have that luxury anymore. It might drive me crazy but I still have to move on with my life. Waiting for my home to be ready feels so far away. Will my life be ever easy from now onwards? Lol.

4. Gym? No longer able to workout as much as I used to. The fact that I workout lesser nowadays due to my current project makes me fall sick even easier. Is not a good sign and I think I should not stay in this project any longer. Have to make the right decision for my health now.

5. PS4. I have so many games to catch up. Forget about Nintendo Switch. I don't even have time for my PS4. I really want to get back to my gaming life. Felt that my life changes a lot since I stop playing console games.


I have listed down most of my sad things and all I can wish for is better days ahead... Wanting to change job but unsure if there are company who would love to hire me... Is not easy at my age now... Nothing is easy...




Happy Belated New Year 2020...

This Is Me...

For the last 2 months, I was placed or assigned to work in my client office. Initially, I was very excited and determined to work for this project because I can see that I will get to learn a lot of things. It is true. Within the last 2 months, I've learned a lot about insurance. Everything went well until last month, I start to realise something is not right, or maybe it was never right to begin with. This is not what I expected and definitely not something that I want to do. Unfortunately, there will be a conclusion this time. And a not so favourable one.

As time passes by, I try to understand what I'm supposed to. I do what I can and write it out. I was very confident with my understanding on what I'm assigned to and as usual, it don't seem to be wrong. Of course there might be some missed out info as I could not grasp everything in a moment. But it shouldn't be as bad as how it could be. Well. BAMMMM! My superior says that I missed out the main point. My superior says that I wrote it incorrectly. My superior says that what I have written are mostly irrelevant. At this point, what I really understand about myself is that I don't understand anything at all. It was depressing. It does not happen once. Not twice. Not trice. It is everytime. I tried my best to think and put it down yet I can't achieve what I'm supposed to. It is clear to me that I am not fit to be involved in this project.

One. I am a complete burden not just to my superior but the whole project team.

Two. I'm not contributing anything at all.

Three. I'm wasting everyone's time and effort.

I don't mind being known as an asshole for leaving this project so sudden. My sudden departure definitely gives a bad impression to my company but I have to decide something rather than dragging the entire project down and cause unnecessary inconvenience to others.

I am at a state now where I will never be productive, permanent shut down, slightly depressed just thinking about it and useless. I'm going to speak out everything and let my boss know that I can never continue and this is definitely something I have to apologise.



I can foresee that my departure would make this project a more successful one.

Disappointments...

Tried out Grindr and I thought it was a good app to meet up with some hot guys and chat with them... But reality sucks... Either they are fake, just taking advantages out of you, not keen on showing face, or worst, asks you to register for some shit... I'm not blaming them as everyone has their own taste... Just that, this is not something I'm looking forward to being disappointment is way much more than able to have some fun...

I felt deeply sad that I get to see those hot guys in there lingering around but me myself knowing that I will never get my hands on them... All I want is just to feel some body...

Same goes to the guy I met in the gym... Guess I will never have the chance to make him mine...



Sigh...........

FML #2

Ok... I'm so fucked up... To keep everything short, I am asking for God assistance again this time to really help me with this... Please allow me to see the guy that made me swoon by winking at me... I just want to get his number, that's all... So please and please, let me see him again...

I never expect that I will get this torturing feeling after few months... How am I going to move on tonight at this state???



Dear God please please please please please really really really really really help me... I just do not want to torture myself further emotionally...

FML!!!

Just to stop by to write how farked up is my life... Currently I am stationed at my client's office and I totally lost all my time to gym... I'm only able to go during weekends and now I am trying very hard to find some time to go during weekday night... My life is totally farked up... The fact that after work, I will be exhausted as fark and I am totally unable to push myself to gym... I even thought of trying to swim after work but sadly to say, I am exhausted as fark...

Now, my life is so unhealthy... I felt guilty that I am paying so much just to go gym during weekend... I hate this so much... FML!!!



FARKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!

Well...

Life is getting tougher from this point onward... Very likely I won't get to enjoy my life as usual but this life should give me slightly more money... Not a good thing for sure, not a bad thing either... All I hope is I can be richer xD

Oh yes... Almost forgot... P Cubed is a nice compilation album... Love some of the remastered version and it gives a good overall feel of Perfume's career... You won't hate their songs at all, only less preferred...

And now, enjoy this song:





NYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~~~

Whoa!!!

It has been 2 weeks since I update my blog... I am totally occupied and busy for the last 2 weeks whereby I have meetings everyday during working days... Crazy!!! And this will not end as I have to attend few more meetings till end of this month... It's gonna be long long long days ahead...

Now a summary of my 2 weeks (accordance to the most important to least):

1. One interesting thing happened recently... I won't go in detail but, to the fucking hot guy that wears a tank top with the wording "Fucking Threesome", fuck you for being so hot and good looking...

2. As I went for meeting for 2 full weeks, most of my lunch are covered by clients or bosses... And since I do not need to drive, I saved a lot from parking fee and petrol but I have to sacrifice my gym time completely...

3. Last Saturday morning when I go to gym, a cute girl kept looking towards my direction... I wonder what is her intention :P

4. Finally took the initiative to vacuum (but not completely clean) my PC which covered in DUST!!! Not good enough have to clean it inside out next time...

5. Still waiting to get the key to my house... Neck also long liao lorrrr...

6. I'm addicted to Cherry Garcia WTF!!!


Ok I better stop else I will type even more nonsense... To conclude, somehow, I feel my life is more refreshed now LOLZ!!!



Should I join SPAO x Honor competition??? LOLZ!!!

Ice Creammmmmmm~~~

OK  I heard of Ben & Jerry like a lot of times but never really bother to try it because I only know the closest place to Malaysia that sells Ben & Jerry is Singapore... And because of that as well, I would not spend 3 times of my currency just to eat the ice cream at Singapore... Now the good news is, Malaysia opened its very first Ben & Jerry outlet and of course, I have to try it... I tried their signature flavour, Cherry Garcia and I know why this ice cream is so damn popular... I have never tasted such flavourful cherry ice cream (even other cherry flavoured candies are not as good as their ice cream) in my entire life and it totally won my heart... The taste is incredible... As a cherry lover, I have to say this is the best cherry flavoured food I ever had... Like seriously...

There are still a dozen of flavour I had yet to try... Probably will try it when I'm free :P



Cherry lover please raise your hands!!!