Well...

Every time I thought of blogging, I did thought about uploading some pictures as I found that my blog recently was lack of pictures... Hence, here it is for real:

Yes... It is a durian, and a cake as well... I should just call it Durian cake for now as there are no other name that fits it... The shape of the cake does looks like a durian but what I am fascinated with is the taste of the cake and not the shape... One cons that I would like to point out about this cake though is the coloring that was used for the cream (the green for the spikes)... I would say it was overly or heavily colored... Not sure how to describe how heavily colored it was... Just imagine you try to rinse the plate with the creams on it and the entire plate was flooded with green water... That's how green it is...

Guess that I have to post more pictures once in a while... Pictures brighten up the blogs a little :)



Oishii!!!

Happy or Sad...

That feeling when you just join a new company and you were told by your senior that she is leaving soon... Wudddd??? Are you kitten me??? It was so difficult to find a company where I can work with a girl... Why do you treat me like this :'(

On the other hand, let me break down what happened for the first 3 days:

Monday - OT on my first day... A new girl joins in as intern together with me... Only 6 employees in the office...

Tuesday - OT on my second day... Notice that one of my intern colleague doesn't talk much... Only 5 employees in the office...

Wednesday -  No OT on my 3rd day... Went to client's office in the morning... My senior, she told me that she had resigned... And she told me that the office only have 4 permanent staffs currently... And our office is basically not ours but a shared office with another company... WTF??? 4 ONLY??? THEN WHO ARE THE REST??? LOLZ!!! WHATZ IZ DIZ!!!

I seriously couldn't digest that much details in just a few days... What can I do about it???



I just want to live a peaceful life...

21st December 2015...

I officially mark tomorrow as the day where I will be having a drastic change in my life... For good that is (hopefully) and this is why I am typing this post...

The transition may give me a new hope to breath in...

I don't know what else I can say besides getting nervous...

2 Days To Go...

Today and tomorrow will be my last day to enjoy a neeter's life... This coming Monday, I will be starting a new chapter of my life... How will it turn out to be??? Just wait and see until that day comes...

For all I can say is:



I just want to live a normal life and that is what I am asking for only :(

Cherating...

Wanted to go but worry that there are nothing else I can do there... I mean, swimming is a must but other than that, what else we can really do??? Can't find many things to do there although I want to enjoy a vacation before I start my new job...

Decisions are tough... Why you do this to me??? :'(

If they do have restaurant that serve authentic Malay food, I think this will be good enough to attract me for sure...



Cause in the end, when it comes to vacation, relaxing AND eating something good is a must :P

Life Ain't Easy...

The implementation of GST itself already made me significantly feel that my living cost has been increased... Public transportation which was supposed to ease the citizens with its low fare no longer play the role in reducing the living cost of every working citizens when the fare has been increased up to 100%... I am already struggling to buy a house and yet with all these monetary related issues hitting hard on us, there is definitely no way for me think about it anymore...

What I can do now is to do extremely well on my new job, reap as much as I could and hopefully from there, I can achieve what I would like to achieve... Is not easy to find a high pay job like this and opportunity doesn't comes twice... Thus, do the best and all the best to myself!!!

Sometimes, I really think that even though I am fortunate enough to have a place to stay, foods to eat, entertainments to enjoy and clothes to wear, but in the end I am still suffering... If this is the case, I might as well live like a beggar where they are much happier and less suffering than I am right now...



Never try, never know... The more effort you put in it, the more rewards you can reap from it...

8th December 2015...

I was supposed to post this on 8th December that day itself but I was either too tired or lazy to do so... Hence, I will do it today:

I AM FREEEEEEEE~~~

For a week and a half, I can just do anything I want before my new job commence... Not sure how different my life will be but I really hope everything will turn out fine...

Quite a lot of things to type but too lazy to do so... Oh well...

When Public Transportation Being Cheaper...

Things gone havoc the moment our country's public transportation price increased by 2 times the original price... Things are happening too fast... Not sure if I am on the right track but one thing for sure:

Life are not meant to be simple or easy...

I have so much thing in my head right now... Not sure how much I can cope or handle but I guess moving according to the flow will never be wrong... Step by step I will take and figure out the next move...



Too much things to handle... From simple task to the difficult ones... I am so confused...

Adele - 25

The must listen to songs from Adele's 25 album with the first one is my most favourite to the least:

1. Hello (I guess everyone love this a lot lolz)

2. Love In The Dark (The music is heaven for this song)

3. When We Were Young

4. Water Under The Bridge

5. Send My Love (To Your New Lover)

As for the other tracks, they are worth listening but it turns out not to be as good as the 5 tracks above...

Perhaps I should just say my top 5 songs from Adele's 25 album =.=

Whatever la... Lolz!!!

Closer To A New Chapter Of My Life...

As time goes by towards my last day, I am getting both excited and nervous... Things will eventually be different (or it could still be the same) but somehow, knowing that I have a better paid job doesn't mean it will be a happy news for me either... The story is like this... I am not even getting my new job's pay and I was informed that I have to fork out some money to pay for my father's commitments... I mean, seriously??? Is this even a good news to me after knowing that??? What am I supposed to do with that??? I don't hate my father but the day my father is still here, I am no longer be able to reach my early goals... Somehow, I really hope that I was labeled as the black sheep of the family or something because I feel like my life gets miserable as time goes by... Right now, the only thing I can do is just to move on and enjoy my life as what I have now until that day comes... That depressing moment when you think everything is gonna be fine but the next thing you know turns out to be something that will pull you away further...

When shall I find the true meaning of my life in this world??? To be frank, I don't think I will ever regret to die from depression but I will fight it through the end!!!

When Things Happen On The Other Side Of The World...

It was heartbreaking to hear the news of Paris being strike by the terrorists... I really think that I have no right to say anything as I am not contributing anything except the fact that I felt the sadness of the families that lost their loved ones in this tragedy...

While we are giving our condolences to the innocent lifes in Paris, there are even more casualties in Syria as a war has been declared now... Nevertheless, it will be the same as I am not contributing anything for this... All I can do is to wish for the innocent life to be protected from being injured during the process...




Let the Phoenix rise, bring the dead back to life...

So How???

I keep asking myself:

"How or when will I get to buy my own house and live all by myself?"

This thought tends to bug me ALMOST everyday I would say... Indeed I do really want to stay all alone but I just find it extraordinary difficult... Or another way is to rent a house but it just doesn't sounds right when you can stay with your parents yet you still choose to rent some other house... Definitely this is not a good thing if that really happens... Another way to get myself living alone is to find a job FAR FAR AWAY from my house... I never tried to apply for job out of KL but I think I might do that one day...

Since I am planning to buy my own house around KL, if I really bought it I don't think I will be looking for jobs far away either... This is just too difficult for me to sustain my financial... Too much things to consider as well... Regardless of what, I will still buy a house as this is what I want... Doesn't matter it is near or far... I just want it to be my own house... With swimming pool... :'(




Getting tired of thinking about this everyday...

Remain Unclear...

What do I really want to achieve is just way too far... People tend to say:

"As you put more efforts on achieving something, the rewards will be better"

At first I found it to be truth... But what if suddenly you realise that no matter how much effort you put into something and you are going nowhere??? What is the point of doing that if this is the case??? For instance, I wanna to be a game programmer but I got to admit that my programming is not anywhere better... Even if I tried to push myself to learn further, I don't feel that I can cope up with it... So what does this mean??? Could it be that I am still unclear of what my goal or purpose of life is???

I wanted to open a cafe but where do I get the money to open one??? Or maybe learn to be a patissier??? I wanted to open my own software company but how long it will take for me to get all the knowledge??? In fact I have quite a few things which I think it is feasible... However, how long does it take for me to achieve what I want??? Like seriously how long???

For now, all I can do is to learn as much as possible and from there, I will decide what to do next...

I Wonder...

Suddenly thought of something:

Is it impossible to buy a house until you are at least 30???

I noticed that few of my colleagues (those in my current company) owns a house only when they are in their early 30, regardless they are married or still single... I believe that married one should own a house earlier but it doesn't seems to be like this... As for the single, I still think that they can actually own a house when they are 25 provided that you put away luxurious apparels and not owning a car with an income of 3,000...

To be frank, I was 1 step closer to own a house... But at the same time, once I bought my car, my financial fell down tremendously... I still can't figure out what is the cause but it really gave me a hard time... So I should not say any further about how 3,000 can own a house...

Next year will be my 27th... My wish to buy a house at 25 never came true... And I strongly feel that I failed miserably... So next year will I really get to buy my own house??? Or I have to wait another few more years???

Although I don't mind to be getting older, but I do not want to own a house at such an old age :(

Exhausted...

Today, I am both physical and mentally exhausted... I thought this will only happen once but I can't deny that it keeps happening now... And yes... My hunches are somehow getting close to be true... Why??? Cause I never get to see the fun side of my life now... A month and a week more to go... I just need to endure slightly more and that's it... I really do not know what's happening all of a sudden but I don't think I can somehow cope with this... I want a better environment to work in... I want to be appreciated... I want to be rewarded... I want to get something back for what I had contributed...



I want my life to be entirely different...

Nailed It!!!

That day when I went for karaoke, I never expect myself to nailed 3 songs perfectly:

1. Sia's Chandelier

2. Raymond Lam's Let's Get Wet

3. Linkin Park's In The End (not so perfect for this)

That satisfaction I get from singing chandelier was the best I would say... Like totally hit the note as what I want... Perfectly... Totally love it... I am so gonna sing this song again for every karaoke session lolz...

Let's Get Wet was unexpectedly good, especially when I sang it without the singer's vocal (in other words, music only)... Somehow, I nailed this song perfectly as well xD

In The End is usually the rapping part that is the most challenging to me because I do not clearly know the lyrics except their chorus part... I accidentally slipped out of the rapping tune because I was not able to catch up with the rapping but I think that was fine because overall, I did great I think :P

I guess when I sang my first song, Perfume's Relax In The City was like a warmup for me... To be frank, there is no way I can change my voice like Perfume... That's impossible =.=

It sounded totally disappointing at first but I had chandelier to pull me up again... Woooo hoooo that feeling ahahahahahahaha!!!

I think I am qualified to be a singer lololololz...

Hello~~~

Adele nailed it again :')

Rolling In The Deep and Someone Like You was good but I think Hello is better...

Hello from the other side~~~

Not Depressed But Dull...

My dull life is back... You know when there is a period where you have nothing to look forward to... To be frank I am supposed to be happy or excited as my last day is getting nearer... However, even if I changed to my new job, I got a feeling that my life would be the same until I really move out and stay alone... I really can't see any drastic changes in my life unless I am not staying with my family... As time goes by, my thoughts of living alone seems to get stronger and I just can't control it at all... Not to say that I hate them but things just doesn't feel comfortable like this... All I can say right now is I will just move on till I found a home that I can afford and start a new chapter of my life...



Sigh...

But How???

Despite the fact that I am still in my notice period, I just somehow loses my interest in doing what I am currently doing... Demotivated and the mind of wanted to leave as soon as possible seems to hit me hard right now... I am still taking my responsibility seriously, like trying to do eveything good enough before I leave but it just seems none goes well since the day I resigned... Why am I going through such difficult time??? Most of my problems tends to be super complex which I worry that I might not be able to find the solution even on my last day... This make me sounds like I am being very irresponsible... What am I supposed to do when the thing I'm supposed to do turns out to be this complex??? For a moment, I felt hopeless...



Please enlighten me...

Things Starts To Change...

Since the day I am officially resigned, things were not going smoothly at all... It is just so not right... Since the first day, everything seems to be plummeting downwards... I might be having my life easy all these while but why does the bad things occurs the moment when I saw a new hope in my life??? Does that mean it was better to remain how my life was meant to be all along??? Does that mean it was a wrong decision for me to change my job??? Does that mean I am not supposed to be doing anything with my life which I am unhappy with currently and continue to dwell in this miserable life??? Once again I will repeat... I am not hoping everything to be perfect... In fact I am ready for every obstacle that will be coming...

Although I am prepared for everything but I don't think I am at the mental state which I can perform my best right now... For instance, I am required to standby at 1 in the morning... I am not complaining as I am just pointing out that something bad will happen regardless of how positive I am trying to think nowadays... Perhaps, a drop of patient and a bucket of positive mind is what I need right now...



I am getting exhausted over this life... Maybe a long vacation or a change of environment is what I want the most now...

If I Start Earlier...

My new boss keeps asking me if I would like to start my work earlier... It feels like he has a big project coming and need more assistance on it... I can feel the peer pressure when he keep asking me about it... I wonder if this is a good sign or a bad sign???

On top of that, on that day when I went to sign my offer letter, apprently there is another dude went for interview or sign the offer letter (not sure at all about this)... Does that mean when I join, at least there will be someone new and hopefully we can get along well???

Nevertheless, I have yet to decide when to start... Most likely I will start earlier but definitely not after Christmas xD



Think Joey think!!! My brain is exploding!!!

No Surprises...

At first I thought that my resignation can be kept until like maybe a month before my last day... But somehow, it just goes out so fast that most of them knows about it... Is it that hard to keep this a secret??? Hmmm...

Anyway, I just notice that my heart is really no longer in this current company... I felt so demotivated to move on and just hope that my last day comes earlier... There are too much bad things happening during my resignation period... I really tried very hard to leave the positive impression before my last day but it seems like negative things keeps rolling down to my life... Come on for God sake... When I wanted to leave a good impression, all those fucking shit things keep occuring... How am I supposed to move on like this??? How do I keep my positive impression like this??? To be frank, I am not asking good things to happen... I just want it to be peaceful all along... Am I asking too much???

My leave was postponed due to pack schedules that I have to keep up with... And this incident makes it sound like I was the one in fault for causing the trouble and I deserved to postpone my leave??? This is important and that is important and you expect to settle these 2 things up before I can take my leave again??? I think my limitation of being a nice guy has just over the boiling point... I guess I need to act more sternly not to show that I don't bother about my impression, but to tell them that I need a good rest before I can move on... I should do something to tell them that I am a human... If I ever sense that they are trying to use me to the fullest because I have resigned in a very disrespectful way, then I gotta be honest: I won't give a fuck about the impression and you shall look forward to what I am capable in doing to make your life even harder than before...



I just have to say that being nice and kind is far much harder in this state...

Live A Life With Joy...

Saw a very inspirational quote:

We don't live to work, pay bills and die...

Somehow, it is very important that the money you earned should be spent on something you really love and not just merely for bills or loans or etc etc etc... Consider it as a self comforting/award for achieving something in your life so far... For me, besides gaming related things, a sweet and lovely relaxing vacation will eases my soul... Was looking forward to another trip and I am so excited just thinking about it xD

Now I am still thinking if I should start my new job earlier or I should just take a long break before starting my new job... Hmmmm... Another dilemma strikes me now =.=

Nevertheless, I am just looking forward to these few months until early December :)



I'mmmmmmmm gonnna swinggggggg from the chandelierrrrrrr~~~

It Is Official...

With the letter, I am considered officially resigned... I can wait to start a new chapter of my life... Definitely will miss my colleague pals... Thus, I'm gonna spend as much time as possible with them...

But before all of that moment to happen, I am just shrouded with tonnes of things to do... Not sure how I'm gonna drag myself through this... I just feel that I am being pressed and stressed on for now... Of course, all I can say is I will consider this as helping instead of putting myself into being a victim... Gotta do what I got to do...




But I am still a human you know??? I jugak ada emotion la deiii... Lu macam ni all the time how I can bring myself together worrr???

Simple But Tough...

I am having a deployment tomorrow morning... The things that I have to do is simple but I just feel nervous regardless that I had done this numerous times... Why am I this weird???

The worst part is after tomorrow's deployment, there will be another one... Although I won't be the one supporting the deployment but it was done by me... In fact, this one makes me nervous even more... I took leave not just to stay at home for support... It gives me a vibe that any off day I am taking now will eventually ended me not enjoying the night before my off day... I do not like troubling other people as well... Plus because of that stupid shit, there are so many things I need to do for this week... Sigh... Thinking of it just makes me feel like I wanted to leave earlier... It sucks to act like a good guy during my notice period... This is just so not me...



Nevertheless, Charlotte was a quite good anime... Love the insert songs more than the theme songs... This anime gave me a hell of an emotional rollercoaster ride...

That Feeling...

I said that I will reveal more about my resignation story... So here it is... It was that feeling... The feeling of being important which I don't really feel much previously... The feeling of appreciation, acknowledgement of my importance and the severity of losing me from the team... Like I said I am not trying to be evil but sometimes, when a person does not feel the rewards, even in terms of encouragement or appreciation, it can be very disappointing... Not sure about other people but to me, I am a human and I definitely have emotions... If I am only being picked for doing the wrong things while the right things that I have done was not even worthy to be mentioned by them, I can easily succumb into depression... In order to fight off the depression, finding a way to solve it and change the way of my living is the only way...

Thus, the main point is, no matter who you are or what you are, always encourage or appreciate the things that a person have done for you... It is not necessary to be in money (but of course this is a lot better), but a simple gesture of appreciation will make them happier...

However, one thing for sure... I don't really like working with the bosses at GHR because I really feel that they are just abusing their power unto those people below their level... Thank God that my office does not adapt to this culture which is the thing I love about my current job... When dealing with those higher ups??? Hell fucking no...

After a long blabber, let's get back to some happy things... I have a new location to choose from when buying a house... The truth is, KL might be my less preferred area to buy a house right now because my new company is at Sunway nearby now (Subang area)... Hence, Selangor is my more preffered area to buy a house now... But the prices there are not cheap either so I might opt for subsales houses... Gotta put in quite an amount of effort to find one now...

Ok that's all for now... It's Sunday... Enjoy enjoy~~~



Preparing for my new life...

That Satisfaction...

It might sound evil but I am not doing this because it was fun... Although I have to say that it eases my heart when I feel that I am important to them... Yet still, it is my choice and I already decided... There is no turning back... The next thing is hopefully I can keep this secret as long as possible... Hehehe...



Wanted to type more about it but I am totally exhausted... Perhaps next post will be the full story of it... Hahahaha...

Taste Of Something New...

It was a tough call but it seems like I already have the decision made up... I'm kinda worry that I might not be able to cope with the new company tradition since it was a small company... However, I told myself I should give it a try at least... You will never know that things might turn out to be better than it seems... I may not be the type of person being like to pushed around but somehow, if the person that pushing me gives me a good impression or I should say, using the right attitude to push me, then I will be very glad and happier with it...

I have never experience this type of new environment and I am still nervous about it... Nonetheless, decision must be made and once it has been made, there is no turning bad... So far I can see the good things by joining this new company... It will never be dull like what I'm doing in my current company right now... Not because I am bored of my job but more like bored of the system that I have been doing...

Hopefully, this big jump will give me a better experience on what a software company should look like... Whether I enjoy or dislike this company, is another story and it will be the next challenge later...



Aiyooooo... Kepala mau pecah lah think like that... Haishhhh...

I Wonder...

Since they offer me, is it weird if I start negotiating about my salary tomorrow??? Feels kinda weird to talk about my offer letter outside of an office to me... Like seriously... However, one thing for sure... I should have prepare my checklist on what I should ask for tomorrow... I never expect them to get back to me this quick (usually people takes 2 weeks to do so right???) and seems like I'm not ready yet... I haven't even calculate my overall expenditure as well... How am I gonna negotiate like that!!!

It has been 4 years and I notice that I am not progressing much in my current company... I may tend to learn some new things once in a while but will I be able to cope with the learning process in this new company??? Somehow I doubt about my own capability but I don't know since I never try before... It makes me sounded like an asshole to be like "Oh I will do this" and ended up "I just can't figure it out" later... If it happen once or twice it will be fine but what if it happens all the time??? And I feel bad if I am going to work for a year and go away due to my incompetent mental state... It makes me feel like they hired me for doing nothing much somehow... Plus don't forget they are having some profit sharing bonus with all the other employees... If one did badly, the others will be dragged along...

I am kinda eager to experience a different environment and at the same time, being haunted by the fact that I may not do well... Especially when they have high expectation on me and I might let them down when they know the truth... I am really unsure if this decision to take the offer is the right choice but to be honest, my heart to this current company is no longer strong since the day I was promoted to senior... Too much things happened that strongly impact my decision as well...

The main dilemma that I have to face right now actually is the year end bonus in my current company... For sure if I leave, my one year bonus will just disappear like that... But if I do not take this offer, will there be another chance to get a similar offer like this??? To be frank, I need the bonus quite much as I have a huge amount of debt to get rid of... My financial state has been unstable since last year... Will the new job helps me in financial if I accept it now??? Will everything be different once I accept it now???

Tomorrow's discussion will be my final decision... Yes or no is the answer that will be revealed...



Alas, the choice is in my hand... I am still in serious dilemma right now =.=

Penang Trip During Weekend...

It was a very short trip but it was totally what I love about it... A trip where you don't need to think about working or doing anything besides relaxing... It was totally worth it... The hotel was lovely although it was quite pricey... The food was good and most importantly, cheaper by a lot...

Took some lovely pictures but unfortunately, I can't share it through mobile blogging... But I will try to find a way to upload it later...

Will be planning another trip to Penang... The next trip should be longer (not just 2 days) and hopefully we can do and eat more things...



After this long holiday, I have to decide the next vital decision of my life... But before that, all I can do is just to wait for the offer first... I am getting extremely nervous, happy, panic, and dilemma at the same time...

Biggest Decision...

All this time I feel like what was given to me are all granted without me doing anything... But this time, I need to make the right decision, with my own hand and with my own will... Should I ever get offered for the new job, I believe it will change my life a lot... Not sure if the working environment suits me but one thing for sure: tough!!! It will be something I never experience before...

I will say I'm not ready for this but opportunity does not come twice... Hence, my decision is the most important thing right now and no one else can butt into it... I gotta say though... I am very well prepared for this and it seems like I've got my decision made :)



Need to do some calculation LOLZ!!!

Lost...

My goals and dreams starts to fade again... The efforts I put in does not seems to give me any results I want... Not even a tiny bit... Although there are still opportunities coming, but I just can't feel the hype or urge to do my best for it anymore... I may sound like giving up... Not because I lost hope in myself or not confident enough... The truth is, the feeling of being in a family doesn't mean anything to me now... I would really choose to live alone at any cost... It makes me feel more comfortable instead... I really do not know what else I can do to make this family a happier family like how we used to be... And this is one of the reason that actually brings all the depressions to me...



How long will this continues???

And It Has Ended...

In a blink of an eye, the holiday has ended... It was something I've waited for and now it just... Ended... The truth is I would like to go somewhere for vacation during such long holiday but going alone is just not right and my group of friends are not free at all... Thus, it felt so weird that people were enjoying during the long holiday while I'm just staying at home most of the time as if doing nothing much... However and surprisingly to say, I enjoy staying at home doing nothing during this long holiday... Although I can spend my holiday in a better way, I am satisfied with it...

I have to say this... Regardless of how life is, one shall deserve a long, great, relaxing holiday because you deserves it... :)



I wouldn't mind paying an amount of money just to get myself pampered in a luxurious vacation hehehe :P

And Things Moves On...

The fact that seeing one by one leaving the company is kinda heart breaking (basically just sad xD)... Well this is normal but that's what life is about... Nobody will stay on a place unless they find no reason or purpose to change... For me, I have been trying to find another job all this time but the one I am interested does not want me while those I am not interested eagers to offer me... Why such a life???

I kept asking myself... Will I ever achieve my dream job one day??? Is like I did not study or take any major related with game programming but I still have the extreme determination to work and learn at the same time... Yet, I was given a chance for that and I just dump it myself which makes me overwhelm with regrets by thinking back...

Seriously... What type of job I should be looking for now??? Purely there are 2 paths for me right now: A game company that is willing to hire me as a newbie or; A a non-gaming company that is willing to hire me with a good pay... There are only 2 choices I have in my life right now... Pick one... Either one of it is fine with me...



When will that opportunity arrives???

When Things Change...

This time I am emphasizing more on people around me... Thank goodness that my secondary friends was always in a close relationship with me... The difficult part which I am currently facing is my colleagues... Though there are a few close one but there are a few which I find it difficult to understand... I will get straight to the difficult ones...

One of them is acting very strange since he resigned... Not sure if he was trying to hide something BUT I am very sure he is acting differently... He never talk to us or even lunch with us as if he had completely cut off his relationship with our group... Even though it was slightly difficult to approach him as he have this eye candy factor, but I noticed that this type of attitude that comes with the eye candy factor is deeply disappointing... He may be rich, famous, or whatever you can name it, it doesn't mean you can just neglect the relationship that we built together... Is like, does the fun time we spent together even rings in your mind??? I can be honest... I will never forget the fun time I spent with the friends I am close with... Unless I hate that person, it will never be memorable in any way... So to you, are we even worth remembering??? Cause if your answer is no, I think it will ease our thoughts a lot more than it seems to be... In the end, all I ever smell is disappoinment and the fun time we had turns out to be sorrow...

Now move on to the second one... I knew him for long enough and eventually I am already get used to the attitude he had... He has the weirdest attitude which I never see before in my life... Though I can say his attitude will not help him in this society but what I can do is wish the best out of him... I can just choose to completely ignore his attitude (although sometimes he really set me on fire) but I think I can tolerate it very well... His always-speak-the-truth-and-piss-people-off-instantly attitude is definitely not something I have ever seen in my life till I met him... Besides this, one of his most annoying attitude is being childish... You are a god damn adult... If you leaving a group or hate someone for the rest of your life just because they comment on your attitude, you better stay away from the society...

Actually there are still a lot of things to type from me but I need to catch my sleep for now... Perhaps I will continue one day...




For your own good, change that attitude... If I'm the one that cause you to change your attitude, speak or tell me right in my face... You don't need to pretend cause when I'm really pissed off by you, I will make it so obvious that you should realise what you are doing...

Moving On...

Though I have to say that I'm a little bit sad but I already expected this... I did not really put a high hope for it... Although the joyful time I've spent while waiting for the annoucement is absolutely entertaining, the disappointment however brought me envy more instead...

Anyway it won't cause me depress any longer as I had prepared for this outcome... So what is my next step??? Continue to find a better wage job that I like :)

Not giving up on buying a house for sure... Probably until I settle all the debts and get my financial back on track first...



Don't think there will be anything to motivate me for now... Told myself to keep moving on but is that even possible now???

But Why???

They say they had selected the finalists but I just can't see who are the finalists right now... Does the finalists themselves know they were selected or the organizer supposed to list out their names??? Did the finalists receive a call or message??? Did the finalists were notified in some method??? I am completely in confusion as I wanted to know if I'm the chosen one... Even I know the chances for me to be selected is very low, at least tell me so I can accept the truth and move on rather than leaving me hanging now...

How am I going to sleep like this???




But why??? Just tell me immediately whether I am the chosen one or not :'(

What Will Happen???

I may sound a little bit greedy provided that I am more fortunate than few people... But what if I really became rich one day and what will I do???

1. I will do something that deemed helpful when someone needs it, even without having the person asking for it... If that person personally ask me and I think I can help, it will be my utmost pleasure to help them...

2. I will definitely invite my friends over to my house, anytime and anyday (of course when I'm at home)... And it is even more welcome if my family members would love to visit me :)

3. I will have a drastic change in my lifestyle... Why??? More hardcore routine on swimming and might pick up more physical activities... Not just for the sake of exercising, but maybe going to get myself on shape xD

4. Start to learn cooking or baking for the sake of fun!!! Nobody would have imagine that I bet HAHAHAHA!!!

5. This one is a little private... As I don't have the guts to do it when I'm staying with my family, but I will definitely sleep naked when I'm living alone :P

6. Try to put on cologne and buy more apparels as I will have my own wardrobe... Say no more to clothes fresh from the basket ahahahaha!!!

I believe there are few more to note down but I better stop here for now and get some sleep...



Wonder why I always sleep so early... Perhaps, this is a symptom of being an old man???

Sick Of It...

I am just being sick of having them telling me the same old thing everytime I get sick... I understand very clearly that they care about me but it just doesn't sound right or caring at all to me... Saying things like I did not get enough sleep or drink coffee every morning is just very tiring to hear... I know my own body more clearly than they do and I know how to take good care of it... Their comments are not supportive and at the same time, it is just purely pissing me off everytime I hear it...

Don't they get tired saying the same thing for the past few years everytime I fall sick???

I already have a lot of things to be bothered with... That's why not staying with your family has its pros and cons for sure...



Just let me be who I am... And I wanted to be alone more than ever now...

Good Vibes...

It has been some time and I started to feel--- Naturally good... Good in terms of vibes and even though I'm not saying that good things will definitely happen to me cause I do not want to give myself too much hopes as well, I just wish that there is a point of living forward in my life... Regardless of what it may be, staying happy and positive is always better...

On the other hand, my mom asked me a weird question today... She asked if I have a girlfriend or not... I really do not know how to answer her this everytime she asks me because I really do not have the guts to say "Mom I'm not marrying until I am at least 40"... I do not want to disappoint her as well but I am really not in the stage or mood to get married yet... Or maybe I might not even consider of marrying... Living a single, independent life is actually not as bad as it seems... I understand that all parents' dreams is to see their children getting married and at least get to play with their grandchildren... Perhaps my generations have a different mindset... Nevertheless, I still love my parents (excluding the part where they always argue when talks about money) :)



If I have a choice, I will go for winning the house with my best effort...

The New Beginning Or The Same...

Tomorrow, 1st of August marks the day of my new beginning or it remains the same... I don't know how to describe it but there are a lot of news which I shouldn't know today that results on this post...

How do I ever cope with these news??? It's like my depression will never goes off until something great happens to me... I have a very long story to type it out but I just don't feel like thinking about it anymore...



I'm not praying for great things to happen to me... But being REALLY happy rather than FAKE happy will definitely make me less depressing...

Differences...

Some people are rich but I'm aren't... Some can drink alcohol and still look cool but I can't... Some can enjoy life to the fullest but I'm not... Some can do something they really love but I will never get the chance to do it... Some had achieved part of their life goal but I'm still in the state of hanging on the edge... Some people are happy but I'm pretending to be happy from the outside...

When I'm compared to the others, I am still far away being better as them... When other people compares them with me, they think I am better than them... I am just an ordinary guy living in an ordinary world... Is it necessary to compare yourself with the others??? Or I am just being envious of the others???

When I achieve my life goal, I can ensure that my life will be a little bit different whether for better or worst... I am very sure... But the question remains...




When will that day comes??? I am so prepared for the changes in my life but when will it arrive???

What Is The Purpose Of My Life???

I envy guys that looks better than me... I envy guys that have better body shape than me... But I personally did not take the initiative to become better like them... I just prefer to linger in my own way... But still I envy them... Why does this bother me so much??? If I really wanna be hot like them, I must really take the initiative to achieve it...

Ask myself again, do I really really really have the initiative to do that??? Right now, my instinct still tells me: Fuck off xD

Ok this closes the case once and for all... Perhaps I will just continue to envy others... I will just keep my current look... Is better than ever :)



Just why am I this lazy~~~

Oh Well...

How can even a 25 years old dude have such mentality??? Doing things like leaving group when get slightly pissed off or failed to argue over something... The truth is, I'm still consider him as my friend because we are working under a same place... I mean if you wanna act like you are tough and able to handle everything all alone, go ahead... But once you start to bring your personal feelings to me, that's when you will see my other side... I'm sorry to say that I might look kind and lenient from the outside but once you mess up with me, I can assure you will forever be haunted with what I said or done to you... And yes, I can be fuxking harsh with my words :D

I don't really hate anyone right now by writing this message... Just that I never really express this side of me before and I would love to share it ;)

Kinda sleepy now... Time to turn off the lights... Nights :D



Red fonts at the end of my message... Why this habit???

Blogging From My Room...

Previously, I do not have the privilege to blog through my mobile as my wifi was not strong enough... But now it is different... When I'm bored, at least I can brag or express any shit right before I sleep... It feels like my life is partially complete... On a good side, it sounds like I will be more active in blogging from today onwards... I know nobody reads it but at least having myself reading back the old posts indeed brings back the memories to me... Either it is happy or sad or anger, I actually hope no other people will read it O.o

Nevertheless, life is still tough... It is slightly better and I really really really hope this month's increment will be something surprising... Even if it is close to what I expected, it will be suffice... And of course, working with people I'm comfortable with is actually the most important thing in working environment...



Hope that the good will never end... Not just for me but everyone else as well... Should my sacrifice worth it for the one that needs it more, may it be their guidance...

LOLZ...

I do question myself frequently: Is it normal for a guy to admire another guy??? Admire how they look and how cool they are somehow gets into me easily, making me want to get closer to them even more than ever (this applies to girls as well)... When I mean closer, is more to like hanging even more frequent or just wanted to do a whole load of things that are fun together... Perhaps all these just linked together as the way it seems...

Whatever I am thinking, it strictly falls into the friend's or colleague's group and not something beyond it...

I don't really know what I want to express... I guess I will just go to sleep...

For Once...

And here it comes again... The uncomfortable feeling that somehow gives me depression... Every time it happens, it makes me wanna leave my house... I just want to live in an environment which cuts out the "unhappy" moment... Is true that I can't avoid it but at least aren't there something I can do to stay away from other people's trouble???

One that easily get upset and one that does not speak before thinking... By having them staying under one roof, is just so hard to move on while you stays in the middle... I really do not know how to voice out... In fact, I just want to be alone more than ever now... Definitely it is not worthwhile to rent a house as I can stay/live for free... To be honest, I tend to understand why some people prefer to rent a house even they have a place to stay for free...

Deep in my heart, I still love them... But on the other hand, how much longer I can endure is another question... Having my thoughts written out is always better than keeping it to myself... Hopefully, I can see the day where my life will be like what I could imagine as a simple, lenient, yet straight forward...



I will push myself forward... I won't say I will strive for the best because I know I won't but I will do the best I can do to make my life easier from now on...

Settle Down...

So far, life's great and it doesn't seems to be as depressing as before... Maybe one of it was due to less stress from work... The other thing could be my thoughts on buying house has been slightly pulled down... Of course... If I can buy one, why not??? That's the reason why it still lingers somewhere around me... But one thing for sure, it does not burden my life that much as of now...

When it comes to my financial, I gotta admit it had never been any better compared to last few months... Too much thing happened and I had to spend a sum of money to get it done... It still concerns me cause I don't see any increment on my balance but sometimes, spending is necessary to make life better...

I am still finding the right time to achieve my dreams... All I need is time and time will be the only recovery method I could think of now...

Besides the fact that I have better internet now, it does relieve my thoughts of buying a house to stay alone... And the most surprising thing is, I noticed that things I eagerly want 2 years back ended up real for this year... Does that mean I will be able to buy a house next year since I have been eager to buy a house last year??? Should it be something worth believing??? I don't know... So be it and I will just naturally let it goes...

Back to a happy thing... I am really looking forward for a vacation... LIKE SERIOUSLY... I have been asking for this since a few months ago but I have yet to find a proper date to do so... Of course money is involved in this case but it doesn't matter as I feel it will be totally worth it (and of course a budget will be applied >.<)...

Life keeps going on... What else I can do if I don't move on???



Never expect too much... Else, it will ended up even more disappointing...

Tough Yet Not Challenging...

My life is just absolutely tough... I don't feel the fun in my life any more... I can't find the challenge of my life... I have lost interest in finding a better job... I give up in a few houses that I found... There's nothing left worth being motivating for me now... Am I just simply giving up my life??? I know this type of attitude will never bring me forward but there are too many things happened to me which builds up all these demotivating thoughts... I will not use the word depressing any more... I will not feel depressed any more... I must stand on the ground, telling myself that life is not worth feeling depressed... Will I ever live my life happier like this??? I am not expecting good things to happen to me... All I every hope is just achieving something I need to achieve... Or was it because I am too young to think about these??? Am I just being too matured??? Or I am merely still an immature guy???

Just tell me something... Why is living an ordinary life this tough???



Why???

KOKIA - Spirits!!!

One word to describe this song: BEAUTIFUL!!!

I wonder if KOKIA will ever come to Malaysia for a concert??? :P



Enjoy :)

How I Want My Life To Be...

To be frank, I don't mind with the life of working for the sake of surviving... I feel like if I have a house and car loan to pay, I will be more motivated to work... But right now, I can only foresee that all my hard work goes to nothing... Is not because I do not want to give my parents money but if I got a reason not to give, that will somehow make me feel a little bit better...

Is not like I wanna force them to live the hard way, but it is truth that we are not a wealthy family... My thought of living my own life starts to kick in... Am I considered a useless son to my parents now??? Will I really be able to provide some happiness to my parents before they leave this world??? I'm really not sure about this anymore... What am I living for right now and what am I doing right now is right or wrong???



If I really manage to buy the house I want, I swear I will work harder to ensure that my parents is happy even if I need to live the hard way... I just want my parents to be happy... So please, don't crush my hopes and dreams that will motivates me anymore... I am getting tired of this...

On The Edge Of Depression...

When I found out that I can even blog via my mobile, indeed I feel a little bit relieved... At least I don't need to type out my feelings and things in front of other people... Perhaps secret should be remained as secret... Nevertheless, this depression will never shakes off easily until I found a better paid job or buy the house I've been looking into... I just don't know how to handle depression... I may be able to handle stress but definitely not depression... Is there even something I can do to keep myself not thinking about this???

The fact that I can see most of my friends in Facebook are posting pictures of them vacation (or for working purposes) at nice places, or bought their houses... Vacations aside, that type of lifetime goal/achievement that I've been trying to achieve (yes is the buying house part) just never comes to me...

Right now I feel like I'm living in a world surrounded with depressing moment... Is not because I am desperately wanted to buy a house... Even if I tried not to think about buying house, I just feel like my current pay will not be able to sustain my expenses... So is like I should get a new job first then only consider buying a house or buy first??? If I buy it now, will my current salary about to obtain the loan??? If I buy after getting a better job, will I ever find an affordable house??? I'm totally lost in this...

So far what I notice is even I tried to go for a few interviews, none of the company would like to hire me... I tried to browse for the affordable house, is either they are sold or the price displayed does not represent the right price... What am I supposed to do seriously???



How do I keep myself positive when there are just things meant to keep you depressed all the time???

Long Weekend...

Really love this type of long holiday even if it is just staying at home doing nothing... Getting tired of facing the reality in my life... I'm not talking about work stress or other thing that's giving me stress... In fact, is about how I am not appreciate for what I have been doing... You know how much it hurts when someone tells you indirectly that you are not helpful and you are just causing yourself some trouble while that person telling you that never consider about what state (as a team) that we are currently in now? I mean come on... You get paid more than me... You are higher position than me (that's how it is currently works :D)... You need more help since you need to do more things??? So you assume that I don't have anything to do and I can clean up all the piles of things you made even without asking me if I can finish it on time? I am so sorry that I disappointed you in this way...

Another saddest moment that I would like to share this time: Have your superior ever ask you "Is this off day a must for you?" and the next thing is your superior tells you that he will be on leave for 2 DAYS (a day more than what I took) and asked me if I can work on the weekends so I could finish up my things while your superior is enjoying somewhere? Seriously??? Fuck you I don't buy this type of fairness at all... Should I failed to finish up my things on time, blame yourself for not discussing with me properly AND perhaps, try learning to manage how much things you are capable in handling before moving on to the next one.

I don't mind if things were thrown at me constantly as I personally think that I could handle it slowly. However, if you start complaining that I'm doing it slow or not as efficient as what you thought of, then I will have these 4 words for you: Sorry And Fuck You!

To be honest there are over a million things that I am very dissatisfied with as in my whining will turns out to be writing a novel. But oh well... Just touch on the most annoying part is good enough to relieve some anger within me...



Back to looking for my house... Found one that is really lovely and not far from where it seems... Even I do not have luck or chance to change my job, at least having a choice to buy a cheap house will not make me any depressed... Hehe :D

Three Hectic Weeks...

The past 3 weeks was a mere nightmare for me... I would say it was the worst time I ever had working in this company... And the worst part is, things just get unfavourable as if they know I would like to leave... To be honest I don't hate this company but the things that had just happened makes me thing that I would like to leave due to all this unfavourable events... The reason for me to leave is to change the environment a little as doing the same thing might be a little bit dull...

Right now, I'm not sure if the new company I went for interview last 2 weeks will be locking me up... This feeling of hanging on the edge is kinda killing me right now... Most importantly, I need a better pay job to sustain my living cost... Eventually, it feels like as if it will never come...

There are too much thing to busy with right now... I feel so busy that I lost my interest in doing it right away... What I really can do now is keep myself being positive so I will not have my thinking astray...



All I really hope now is that the latest company will give me a call, telling me that they will lock me up...

Falling Apart...

At first I thought it would be fine... Eventually, it turns out to be miserable the moment my superior puts a high expectation on me... I mean I am really sorry if I can't fulfil your expectation but it doesn't mean you can choose not to appreciate the things I am trying very hard to do... If you seriously think I am not good enough, please find another people to replace me... I won't mad at all if you think there will be a better candidate to replace me... Do you know how hurtful when you say I am not being serious with my work when I am just trying to keep myself awake after not sleeping for almost 48 hours??? There are a few more hurtful moments but the one I mentioned above is the most hurtful one (I am very heartbroken to type the rest)... The worst part is, I don't feel like a human to you anymore when you are just next to me... I don't even think I am part of the team in your "team" anymore... I wanted to get this straight:-

I just hope to see that day comes...



I only have one wish now: Change to a new job ASAP...

At Last...

Something to spice up my dull life... Though it is not what I needed, but hopefully it can keep me uplifted for a period of time...



I have not give up buying a house... But one thing for sure is, I must not allow financial problem to constantly affects my emotion :)

Seems Intimidating...

Samsung Galaxy Note Edge... Like seriously??? Kinda attracted to it and don't really know what to do... But after playing with the display unit at the store itself, I do notice that the slight delay or response from the phone when I tried to open an application or swipe around... It doesn't seems to be as responsive as it should be like Note 4 (as what other people said)... Hmmmm... Camera wise is not to say very good, but considered acceptable... A lot of things I still need to try... Should have tested Note 4 at that time so I can make some comparison with it...

Nevertheless, the rumoured S6 Edge is gonna be announced tomorrow... Hope to hear some good news from it soon :)



I feel like I will die if I don't do something with my life...

Not Supposed To Be Depressed But...

5 losing streaks... Is there a way that I can console myself that this is not depressing??? Huh... Not 3... Not 4... But 5??? Perhaps it could be 6 later... Whatever reason it is, I must not let this affects my gambling... Better release all my depressions here then move on with my typical life...



Today marks the 9th day of CNY... Or 10th day of CNY in another 23 minutes :P

Please Don't End :'(

One of my wish: Hoping that CNY will never end... Lolz...

The feeling of gambling during CNY are usually more intense... Not sure why but I love it :D

Next Thursday is considered the last day of CNY... And of course, March is the month which I need to struggle through... Ohhhh maiiii~~~ I just wanna gamble for now xD



Dong Dong Chiang!!!

Happy Lunar New Year!!!

In this beautiful day of the year, I will not be depressed... During this festive season, it is important to be happy and cheerful... Being depressed on this day is not gonna bring me luck :)

So:



HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE~~~

The Most Painful Moment Of A Gamer...

As the title says:

When you preordered the game and everyone else got theirs while my game will be delayed till tomorrow...

I swear this is the most suffocating as a gamer... And I swear that I will never ever preorder games from Impulse anymore if the game is gonna release on Friday... I am dead serious... But of course this is not Impulse's fault... All the blames will be on the damn courier services that they are using... Oh wait then it should be Impulse's fault in this case for using the damn courier services...

For all this time, only once the courier service deliver my parcel on Saturday (which I preordered on Friday) until now... Seriously??? Can I try to ask Impulse to change their courier services if I'm going to preorder a game on Friday???



When will things get back to normal for me??? Or just because things were going to well for my life all this time and now is the period where everything will be taken back away from me??? Could there be at least something which will never make me depress or disappointing when I think about it???

A Moment Of Emptiness...

Somehow, the more I think about finding a new job so I can afford to buy a new house, the more miserable I became... Is like the next few months, it will be a torment for me (actually it had started since last few months)... And what's tormenting me right now??? Money... Even ignoring the fact that I'm looking for a better pay job, it will be even more miserable that the fact I am not able to save any money every month now... There are a lot of things I would like to speak out but I just feel that it will make myself feel more worst... But one thing for sure, does money really plays an important role in every human's life??? For me, all I ever want is my own territory of peaceful life but it seems to be EXTREMELY difficult to achieve... I really swear, I won't demand for anything else once I got what I want cause I am just a mere, ordinary human... I totally did not think of buying a SUPERBLY huge house or drive a SUPERBLY luxurious car or eat SUPERBLY luxurious gourmets for the rest of my life... I just want a small little condo, where I have my own entertainment zone, a place to sleep, a place to shower and maybe a kitchen for me to cook??? Unfortunately, this goal is still a million miles away from me...

People always says that by suffering now, you will enjoy more later... The enjoy that they talk about is not like what I thought of... The "enjoy" they said is far more luxurious than what I wanted... So why is it so difficult for me to build my own comfort zone for my life???

Another question is, does the car actually make me feel miserable lately??? This is the biggest question I have to answer myself... However, thinking of the answer is even more miserable than it seems...



I don't hope for miracles to happen... All I want is to pull myself through this misery... That's all I want... In the quickest way possible...

Just Being Honest...

If I'm living in a condo now, I would have been swimming around this time and not playing games that actually pissing me off... Why does MOBA games always make you pissed off??? I don't know either but I am getting tired of the losing streaks...

So what do you expect me to do if not playing this game??? No swimming pool no easy access to consoles no money to get myself more entertainments... The most convenient entertainment I have now is only MOBA... How am I gonna continue to live like this??? Will this year be a better year for me??? If yes, when will it be???

I wish I have a life right now... A life which I desires and not clinging to the same place again and again... Sigh... Why am I this depressed??? I really don't know why...



Does being rich really changes the point of view of my life???

Happy New Year~~~

Officially, I will welcome year 2015!!!

Wishing everyone a happy and healthy year ahead... Most importantly, enjoy your life ;)

As for me??? I will be very happy if I manage to buy a house >.>



Will this year be my year???