25th August 2017...

Yesterday night was a special night for me... Why??? At last I opened my mouth and had a conversation with the guy in my gym which I approached earlier... Before that, I felt awkward to speak anything with him because I'm worried that he is still uncomfortable with me... Of course, I tried not to make him uncomfortable as well although I met him quite a lot of times... Plus, I only felt that I can only start a conversation with him when we are in the sauna or steam room rather than in the locker room or in the gym... After 3 weeks at least, I managed to get a very good chance to speak with him again and he doesn't seem to mind, but most likely feel slightly uncomfortable when I am around... To be frank, I felt bad to make him feel uncomfortable but I really desperate to befriend him, even though we can't go anywhere further in terms of relationship...

One thing for sure, he has opened up a little bit to me as he willingly to answer some of my questions which is personal to him... First, I really forgotten his name and I ask him to reconfirm his name lolz... Then I ask if he has a girlfriend and he smile it off (which I find him doing that is extremely cute), reluctant to speak in a very soft voice, he said that he is still single... He is seriously cute even though he looks extremely manly which is really my type LOLZ!!! After that, I ask him if that time we first met in the steam room, was that the first time a guy approaches him like that and he answered me yes as well (I don't feel bad cause I find him charming whenever he answer me at this point)... Hence, I ask him if he has been to any other gym before this and he said this is his very first gym... So far he answered all my questions and basically this is a good sign to me :D

After we left the steam room, took our shower and preparing to leave, I was reluctant to ask at the beginning and I took out my courage to ask if we can exchange our phone number... Of course, it is normal that he will reject (even if it was my first time, I did that without thinking twice)... But I did not force him at all to exchange by replying "It's OK if you don't want" but deep in my heart I desperately want it... Before I leave, this time, I said "See you" and he replied... It was a happy day for me...

I can see some progress in getting close to him now... I can sense he might still feel uncomfortable with me but at least this is a good start... I have to slowly make him feel comfortable with me...



I sound very evil as if I am converting a guy to be gay/bi LOLZ!!!

Down...

Today is my crush's birthday (just to make it clear, it is a she)... I wished her happy birthday and I was planning to meet her up for a meal anytime next week... I am prepared to make a move on her by having frequent dinners and slowly get close to her more and more so she will feel my feelings for her... I am ready to proceed my life to the next stage... I am absolutely ready... Not because I felt guilty for making out with guys but I always believe that I am more comfortable spending the rest of my life with a woman... I can't wait to see her... I am excited and happy and nervous at the same time when I message her... Unfortunately, everything is gone the moment I received her reply...

My hopes, my dream, my future, my lover, all just vanished instantly when she say that she is away from here... What am I supposed to do??? When I took my courage out, she is no longer nearby... How am I supposed to approach her more now??? When I am prepared, she's no longer there for me... Don't get me wrong... I am not blaming her... I just felt that whatever happy things that I am looking forward to will never be a happy thing... This makes me down... Sad... Sorrow... I do not know what to feel about now... Just purely blank...



I need some good rest now...

Life So Far...

Can't believe that I am somehow developing a feeling towards a guy, not immediately into relationship yet but close to it... Not sure about his thoughts but for me, it seems promising if things move or goes on well enough... To be frank, I am not expecting to be in relationship yet, plus it is not a girl but a guy... What the hell am I even thinking??? But isn't this is what we call love???

Whatever it is, I am definitely not ready to be in long term relationship with a guy yet provided that he is the one that speaks out first (as in he wants to be in long term relationship with me aka boyfriend), then I might consider about it... Here are some short details about him:

1. He is 7 years older than me
2. He is sweet and kind, but love to tease/bully me a lot
3. Tend to be very stern when goes into conversation that doesn't seems fit to his thoughts... Basically, he is a man that demands for justification clearly...
4. Has a cat
5. Extremely busy with his job



Not sure if I want to go anymore detail into it but I will leave those as it is...



Need to prepare for my swimming >.<

That Feeling...

Two moments this week. I will keep it straightforward:

1. Meet up with a guy from BW on Monday and we had lunch together... He was overall great, with good look, decent body and well mannered...We ate our lunch at Sunway Pyramid and once we are done, we proceed to Sunway Hotel's grand ballroom washroom for some casual fun. He enjoy the session and I'm glad he did... Would love to meet him again sometimes but this time, I will join in the fun...

2. Found a swimming buddy from BW and met each other yesterday (Thursday)... Swam for an hour and we proceed to the shower room... Agreed to have some great fun on our shower but I failed to do so due to me feeling uncomfortable... Felt guilty and bad for him as he was looking forward to it and I spoil it in an instant... In the end, we had dinner together and we discussed a lot of things... Two things I love about him??? The way he look at me and smile (totally mesmerising), and a very forgiving kind man as I disappoint him so many times yet he is still OK with it...



Another happy week in my life... Get my job/work moving forward at last and get to meet few nice guys...