Happy New Year 2018...

It was supposed to be a happy new year... Like seriously happy... But I felt even more gloomier than I expected and this is the reason why I'm posting this even before 12AM... I just felt things never go according to my life or way... Things happening around me just made me more depressing and gloomy... I just felt that the only cure to this was indulging myself in those happy ending... Things were never seems easier to me since early of this year... Finding my true self does not seems to help my life in being happier... What a sad truth...

I really don't know where my life is leading to right now... To be frank, even if I suddenly got a new job offer from another country, I don't think it will make me any happier right now... This is how depressing my life...



Waiting for the moment to change my life... I got a feeling that my life is slowly worsening though...

Pressured...

Having pressure from both job and financial... I wonder when this will stop or end... Really struggling to living my life through this... Sick and tired...



They say we should suffer when young, then it will be easier when older... I wonder if my life will be anywhere easier...

First Time In My Life...

It is not a good thing... And this was my very first time... And what would it be??? My credit card reached it's limit for the first time lolz... Never have I ever face such situation but I do expect that I would hit the limit some day... Probably and hopefully this is the first and the last... It is kinda scary to see this... FML!!!



AND MERRY CHRISTMAS 2017 TO EVERYONE~~~

When Everyone Is Enjoying Year End...

Let me be frank... Not sure if it was my fault to agree on doing this new project but the timeline/deadline given was indeed not so favourable as it was year end... I really felt that it took away my joy of Christmas (although I don't celebrate it) and my holidays are merely not holidays at all... I have to think about work during holidays which are not something I am used to doing it... The pressure from my boss makes me uncomfortable... Of course, I still think that I can cope with it but my boss is having way over too much expectation from me which eventually turns out to be a pressure for me... I just don't feel like over-stressing myself on this... I am not the type of person that willingly to do something which I don't like... I am sorry...

Another thing that's stressing me out is my financial... Well... It haunts me all the time... So what can I do about it??? Tell me please...



I wish I am rich... Like seriously rich lolz...

Worn Out...

Seriously... I am starting to feel tired of being a programmer... Perhaps, I am not a programmer to begin with... Every time I wanted to learn something new, it will never turns out to be good... I wanted to learn how to use Google API but all I get are errors and have zero fucks on what is even happening... Meanwhile, the forums does not give an insight details on how to even use that fucking API, not even a code snippet example... Even if they provide, I will definitely get an error... How am I supposed to learn or know what is going on like this??? This is seriously tiring... In fact, by not getting it work, I will delay my project... I am just fucking tired of all these delaying shit... On the other hand, my boss keep pushing me that I must finish this project on time... With all these shit going on, I guess it is almost impossible... I am really sick of this programming life...



Fuck this life where I will never be given a chance to learn something new...

Wisdom Tooth...

I had my surgery to remove the wisdom tooth on my right... Yes I can say this is my very first time doing surgery and it was an experience of my life... I am too lazy to describe the entire process and all I can say is fascinating...



I am kinda sleepy right now and just hope not to think about my job/work...

Ain't That Jolly...

I have to admit that this month, he jolly month of Christmas is nowhere jolly to me at all... I am facing various issues SIMULTANEOUSLY which causes quite some depression due to stress... Now let me list it out:

1. My toothache is starting to give up... Yes... Consulting a dentist and have my wisdom tooth remove is the only choice but this will cost me up to RM1000...
2. My car service is due this month... Another RM500...
3. New project from my work... It is a good opportunity for me to learn... But at the same time, I have to handle 2 other projects and this new project has a tight deadline...
4. Not able to complete my previous' project perfectly... I may not be a perfectionist but yes I do get depress when I can't complete something that I am supposed to...
5. Living my life in a not so financial positive...

Seeing my friends travelling to Japan has indeed impacted me in some ways... Japan is a must go for me and until now, almost reaching the age of 30, I am unsure if I still have the chance to go... How do I live on with such depressions???



And my worst nightmare??? House loan!!!