Closer To A New Chapter Of My Life...

As time goes by towards my last day, I am getting both excited and nervous... Things will eventually be different (or it could still be the same) but somehow, knowing that I have a better paid job doesn't mean it will be a happy news for me either... The story is like this... I am not even getting my new job's pay and I was informed that I have to fork out some money to pay for my father's commitments... I mean, seriously??? Is this even a good news to me after knowing that??? What am I supposed to do with that??? I don't hate my father but the day my father is still here, I am no longer be able to reach my early goals... Somehow, I really hope that I was labeled as the black sheep of the family or something because I feel like my life gets miserable as time goes by... Right now, the only thing I can do is just to move on and enjoy my life as what I have now until that day comes... That depressing moment when you think everything is gonna be fine but the next thing you know turns out to be something that will pull you away further...

When shall I find the true meaning of my life in this world??? To be frank, I don't think I will ever regret to die from depression but I will fight it through the end!!!

When Things Happen On The Other Side Of The World...

It was heartbreaking to hear the news of Paris being strike by the terrorists... I really think that I have no right to say anything as I am not contributing anything except the fact that I felt the sadness of the families that lost their loved ones in this tragedy...

While we are giving our condolences to the innocent lifes in Paris, there are even more casualties in Syria as a war has been declared now... Nevertheless, it will be the same as I am not contributing anything for this... All I can do is to wish for the innocent life to be protected from being injured during the process...




Let the Phoenix rise, bring the dead back to life...

So How???

I keep asking myself:

"How or when will I get to buy my own house and live all by myself?"

This thought tends to bug me ALMOST everyday I would say... Indeed I do really want to stay all alone but I just find it extraordinary difficult... Or another way is to rent a house but it just doesn't sounds right when you can stay with your parents yet you still choose to rent some other house... Definitely this is not a good thing if that really happens... Another way to get myself living alone is to find a job FAR FAR AWAY from my house... I never tried to apply for job out of KL but I think I might do that one day...

Since I am planning to buy my own house around KL, if I really bought it I don't think I will be looking for jobs far away either... This is just too difficult for me to sustain my financial... Too much things to consider as well... Regardless of what, I will still buy a house as this is what I want... Doesn't matter it is near or far... I just want it to be my own house... With swimming pool... :'(




Getting tired of thinking about this everyday...

Remain Unclear...

What do I really want to achieve is just way too far... People tend to say:

"As you put more efforts on achieving something, the rewards will be better"

At first I found it to be truth... But what if suddenly you realise that no matter how much effort you put into something and you are going nowhere??? What is the point of doing that if this is the case??? For instance, I wanna to be a game programmer but I got to admit that my programming is not anywhere better... Even if I tried to push myself to learn further, I don't feel that I can cope up with it... So what does this mean??? Could it be that I am still unclear of what my goal or purpose of life is???

I wanted to open a cafe but where do I get the money to open one??? Or maybe learn to be a patissier??? I wanted to open my own software company but how long it will take for me to get all the knowledge??? In fact I have quite a few things which I think it is feasible... However, how long does it take for me to achieve what I want??? Like seriously how long???

For now, all I can do is to learn as much as possible and from there, I will decide what to do next...