Belated Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!

As usual by being late, I would love to wish everyone a belated Merry Christmas and early Happy New Year of 2023!!!

In this month, a lot of things happened quickly... I think this post will be a good for me to further explain what had really happened since early of this month... Let me start off with my job...

I started this new job in late August and I had worked for around 3 months and I decided to resign early this month... This would be the very first job that I had work for the shortest period in my entire life... And since I am still in probation, I felt that resigning during probation period will be more reasonable and better for both me and the company as well... Now, here are the reasons why I left this job so quickly:

1. When I joined the company, there are total of 7 employees left the company within the period of 3 months. Since then, I already knew and was being very alert about it. 2 of the employees was fired by the boss because the boss did not like them, and it was an instant resignation without notice period.
2. Worst HR ever. Like seriously??? We are not even entitled for Medical Leave during probation??? No entitlement for Annual Leave does make sense but not a single Medical Leave??? You expect people not to fall sick within the 6 months of probation period??? The fact that the company's probation period is 6 months already doesn't feel pleasant. On my last day in the middle of this month due to early termination, you only compensate me RM100 instead of my daily salary for my last day at work???
3. When I went for the interview, the boss was very friendly and says a lot of stuff like how much he earned in this company and shit, but in the end, his attitudes changes (like very obviously) towards me after I worked for a month. The worst part is, he NEVER trust me and doubt EVERY SINGLE THING I DID when he handed me the most important project. Like hello??? You have no documentations at all about your old projects and you expect me to do everything perfectly for it???
4. The boss is very bias towards female. Is very obvious. The way he treat female against male employees is so damn obvious. I mean is good for the female of course. At least they won't be treated badly.
5. Empty promises. Whatever the boss told me during my interview, it turns out opposite from what he says after I worked in the company for a month. Therefore, it tells me that whatever the boss say can never be trusted from that point onward.

Frankly speaking, the only thing I miss about this company is the colleagues... Within the 3 months, I would say I bond very well with all of them and so glad that we can still hang out...

OK after long post of my job, now let me move on to the next stuff...

During the beginning of my unemployment, I immediately proceed with my next goal which is perfumery. Since last week, I had done some searching on how to get my hands on some quality fragrance oil and found a few one and contacted them (my business partner contacted them). We will be meeting with one of them today and still waiting for reply from the other one. Then there are 3 more which we will contact by this week. Probably these 2 weeks I will be fully occupied with my perfumery stuff as I have to prepare a lot of things to kick start my "experiments". Apart from that, I will try to attend few more perfumery classes or lessons to improve and gain more knowledge from it. I will make good use of this 1 month plus unemployment (I was planning to start work in February) to gain as much knowledge as I can first and at the same time, give myself some break off from work.

Since my resignation, I have never felt so relax and loosen up... All I ever think of is how to improve myself and enjoy my leisure time in the gym and more importantly, spending my good old times playing console games (just got myself a PS5 and I am broke as fuck xD) until my new job starts... Although I have not found a new job yet, I am not in a rush to find one since I still have a lot of time to do so in between...

There are still a few more things I need to do and settle while I am free and hopefully I got the time to do so...

Well that's all I wanna cover for today... Once again, HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE~~~

Dong dong chiang coming soon lolz...

Missing In Action...

I knew it has been a long time since I post anything and this is why I reminded myself to post at least something today xD

It was really hectic for me since I changed to my new job... There are a lot of things I need to follow up and at the same time, busy with my life... On top of that, a lot of things happened during the last 2 months and I will just list it down instead of writing a long ass story about it (cause I ain't have time for that lol)

1. Up and downs with my new job - It was not difficult yet it wasn't easy as well due to someone... Will write more about this if I have time...
2. Fell sick twice within a week - I never experienced something like this before... Of course am I fully recovered by now but it definitely felt something new to me lol...
3. Recovered from my STD - This thing has been bugging me for the longest time since I got it... At least now, I know I am recovered from it and being inactive which is definitely a good sign... I can live my life normally now...
4. Gym hiatus - Since I got sick twice a month ago, I decided to put a stop on it temporarily... During the Covid pandemic, I stopped gym for a month and when I started back, I see more gains than continuously gym for few months straight... Hence, I have decided to prove if this really works lolz
5. Perfumery - Thanks to my housemate, my interest on learning perfume stuff is being triggered... Funny thing is my housemate did a tarot reading for me related with my perfume business and it was all so positive... Not sure how true is this though XD

These are the major stuff that had happened to me for the last 2 months... Too much to cope, but one thing for sure is I am living my life happier now... Saying bye bye to my depressed life :D

Strive to be your better self and aim for what you want for your life!!!

WELCOME BACK ME!!!

Busy Busy Busyyy~~~

It is almost a month since I post anything in my blog... First of all, I've changed to a new job a month ago and I was totally occupied with it and I don't even have time to think about what to post... And at the same time, I don't have any interesting thing to post about as I was exhausted by the time I finish my work... I even spend lesser time on the gym for the last 1 month... Things were quite hectic and I did not manage to spend a lot of "my time"... During that 1 month, I was very emotional as well due to a lot of stuff happening... Thank goodness, things are getting slightly better for now...

One thing I realise why I felt quite emotional was because I feel a little lonely recently... Lonely in a sense that I miss someone, and I am so eager to meet him again but not sure if things will work out like how I want it to be... Even I get to know some new friends, I felt like they are not going to stay for long...

Another reason would be how unfair I am being treated right now... I felt like I am being taken advantage to a point where I don't really care at all, as if I am soulless, like an empty vessel...

I was supposed to enjoy my 3 straight days rest but my last 3 days are just as exhausting as my working days... What is the point of this long break???

Wish that my mood gets back to normal quickly...

Final Week...

I think it is worth celebrating my last week of work in my current company... Although I don't get to have a long break (as I will be starting my new job next week as well), but changing environment will definitely do me some good... Frankly speaking, I do not have any expectation on what's going to come next but as long as I do what I am capable of doing, it should not be a problem for me... Everything needs to be learn anyway...

So here are just some quick updates... I started taking Tongkat Ali on 1st of August and I was quite surprise with some results within these 2 weeks... The most obvious one is my weight had dropped around 1kg even I eat as much as I used to... Usually, I will be weighing around 71/72kg but recently I am being constant at 69/70kg. In fact, I reduced my visit to gym and workout lesser compared to usual and ate the same amount yet I loses some weight... This is truly unbelievable 😂

The only downside of taking Tongkat Ali is serious dehydration... I kept waking up in the middle of the night to drink some water due to thirst.

Apart from losing weight, the other noticeable benefit I felt is being less tired... I used to feel lethargic every day after lunch... But after consuming it, I feel much more energetic in a sense that I don't feel that tiring throughout the day... It gives me more energy to get my work done and Youtube or read something here and there while sitting in my office...

Overall, I see some positive benefits from taking it now and I am planning to take it for 3 months just to see how it goes...

I guess it is very true... As you get older, you will need to nourish yourself even more than usual :')

That Feeling...

It hits me differently this time. From all the love I had previously, this love felt so different to me. Not sure how to explain it but perhaps, a short story of how we met would be good enough to express the differences.

So we met each other from Tinder and as usual, we just matched and I initiated by greeting. Of course, he replied my message and I replied back with the usual "How is your day?". In his Tinder profile, he did include his IG handle and because I find him quite cute, I decided to try my luck by messaging him at IG in hope that he will give me back some quick responds. Luckily, he responded and we managed to keep in touch on Tuesday. For both Tuesday and Wednesday, we chatted quite a lot and we managed to know each other a little bit more. Initially, I have no intention to meet him cause first thing, he is from Vietnam (LDR concern) and secondly, how would someone as young as him interested with someone who is 11 years older for God sake. It just does not make sense if you ask me. However, something tells me that even if he have no interest on me, at least able to see him in person would be satisfying for me. Therefore, I decided to arrange a meet up with him.

His last day in KL was on Friday morning and I was thinking if I should meet him on Wednesday night since we had spent the entire Tuesday just to chat. Unfortunately, he went to visit Malacca on Wednesday and he decided to stay 1 night there and only will come back on Thursday. Provided that he will be flying back to Vietnam on Friday morning, this only left me with Thursday night to meet him up. And I told myself that probably this would be the first time and last time of me meeting up with him, I might as well just be the driver for the night for him by picking him up from the bus terminal, then to his hotel to check in, have a dinner together and call it a day for us. It was supposed to be this simple. And because he was travelling with another friend, I just hope he and his friend enjoy the trip with me.

As he reached the bus terminal, I guided him on how to look for me. But given that I park my car far away from where they could be at, I decided to go up and wait for them at the bridge. Because he posted something on his IG stories and I recognise what shirt he was wearing that day, I immediately recognise him as he walk towards the bridge. My first impression: Tall, Meaty, Neat. To me, neatness is always a must for me and he definitely have that quality. Since he is still wearing his mask, I do not manage to see his face real close at all. Then, I turn my attention to his friend and ask for his friend's name as well so that he was not left out. We were having some casual chats as usual all the way to my car. As we reached to my car, I help them to put their luggages at the back and set my GPS to their hotel. Because I never drove to and from the bus terminal in my entire life, I was solely focusing on my driving (and quite nervous that I even forgotten to turn on the car light) and barely able to respond much to him while I am driving. I felt bad in a way and I felt more comfortable the moment I dropped them down for check in at their hotel. While they were checking in, I try to find something to eat. You know, since I am already being their driver, might as be their tour guide for the night although I never do this to anyone in my entire life. I'm pretty sure I did badly and boring lol. Then we depart from the hotel and to the restaurant that I recommended.

Since this is their first time trying wantan mee, I recommend them the dry version as soup taste a little bit bland. His friend, which never managed to enjoy any food in KL since they arrive on Monday, finishes his plate of noodle from that restaurant. Even he says that the food was good which makes me feel glad that I did not recommend them the wrong food. After filling our tummy, we went back to our car and I was thinking that this would be a goodbye for us. On a side note, as I was too busy driving to their hotel, I never manage to take a good look on his face until we have our dinner at the restaurant. Two words for me: 'Fucking Cute' or 'My Type' is all I can say about him.

Given that he is an extrovert, he doesn't sleep early and have the tendency to go out till late night. While inside the car, thinking of fetching them back to their hotel, he suddenly ask me to suggest some place to go. Frankly speaking, I never expect this and given that I live in KL for so long, I never go out at night for a walk like this. Around that time, I will be playing games at my home or laying on my comfy bed. Being a complete introvert myself, I would be too lazy to go anywhere at that time (10pm) but being with him, I never feel tired at all. I was quite surprised myself that I was still feeling energetic late that night. We sat inside the car for like 10 minutes while I try to think where to go. It is definitely a challenge for me that night and I decided to bring them for a walk at Lalaport instead.

We walked and talked around and outside of Lalaport, then all the way to Times Square, Lot 10 and finally somewhere around Bukit Bintang. After all the walking, we went to buy some snacks and drinks, find a place to sit and enjoy the rest of the night together. To me, it wasn't boring because I get to spend my last night with him and around 12am, we decided to leave and we walk back from Bukit Bintang all the way to my car.

Here are some things that we did or he said that made me fall for him more (not in chronological order):

1. We have quite a few physical contact, such as when we walk side by side, our arms will be touching each other frequently. And there was once where we were walking through a narrow passage, he put his hand on my shoulder while I was leading. Then there are times where I purposely put my hands on his shoulder and push him to walk
2. There was once he was sweating so much, but I could not help myself by touching his sweaty arms and looking at his glistening forehead. Frankly speaking, if I have napkins with me, I would have wipe off some sweats off him. Nevertheless, he looks hotter when he is sweating lol
3. When we were sitting and having our drinks, he accidentally spilled some water onto his pants, so right at his crotch and he was going to wipe it off while his phone hanging on the edge of his thigh. I actually did not know he wanted to wipe his pants as I only notice his phone was at the verge of falling down so I reach my hands out to hold onto his phone but he mistaken that I was trying to wipe his pants LOLOLOLOLOL
4. We got 3 different drinks and he wanted to try mine, so we ended up having indirect kiss through the straws lol
5. He complimented me that I look much bigger in person than in picture as he prefer bear and muscular guys. He even complimented me that I look good in button up shirt

Good thing always come to an end. I stopped by the road side near his hotel and this is the final goodbye for both us. I really enjoy the night and before he leave the car, I decided to take some pictures together. Unfortunately, my phone is not good with night photography and the pictures turns out bad but it is better than nothing. After pictures were taken, he and his friend left the car. As he was going to close the door of my car, he open it back and lean his face closer to me while asking me to come closer to him. To my surprise, which I never expect at all, he gave me a kiss on my face and he closes the door. I was quite speechless and at the same time, my heart did flutter a little when he did that out of the blue cause I thought he was not so interested with me at all. Hence, that was the last time I got to see his face.

Since that night, we are still keeping in touch until today and we do share our daily life. He even told me that he wanted to kiss me on the lips instead of my cheek that night but he somehow worries that his friend might see it HAHAHAHA

Ok. Based on this story, it somehow tells how different is it from the love I had previously. It feels like from a hopeless love slowly blooms into a fruitful one. Even though our feelings toward each other is still strong for now, but I can't say exactly that we are a couple until the day I visit him at Vietnam, and officially ask him to be my boyfriend. Looking forward to my Vietnam trip now :D

But first, I better renew my fucking passport ASAP lolz...

New Songs!!!

OK time to indulge myself with some good music again... Not sure why do I want to post it on this blog HAHAHAHA xD

Whenever TWICE releases their Japanese songs, it always feel so different than their Korean songs, in a good way I have to say... It feels more Japanesey in a sense which I like...

Well... Today is Friday... Can't wait for the weekend :)

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~~~

Feeling Moody Again...

Sometimes, I ask myself why would I compare my body with others when quite a number of people complimented on my current body progress... My problem is, what the other see is not exactly what they saw because it is my own body and I know how it looks way much more clearer and better than them... Whenever someone compliments me and I replied them it was just OK, I wasn't really acting humble at all to be frank... Is not like I wanted to compare myself but it just very difficult not to, especially when it makes sense...

One example is, I tend to see guys who are like in his early 20s and already have a great body, probably with 15% body fat and below... Although I started working out around late 20s, I could not help but keep thinking why I did not start it earlier??? If I did, will my body looks much better now??? Getting a good shape is definitely not an easy task as I am trying to progress now but why does it look so easy for those guys who did it in their early 20s??? Will I, at this age, able to achieve the same body goal like they are having in their early 20s??? Is it even possible or I should really hire a personal trainer for this???

Apart from my body, another thing that is really disturbing me is my penis size... I used to be very confident with it until I realise all the partners I met have so far have way much bigger size than mine... It just somehow leaves an impact to me that I may not be able to satisfy all of them... And the saddest thing is, yes I can tell that they are not satisfied at all even though they say it was OK and it was fine... I felt like things have changed a lot for me in terms of sexual fun... Whenever I tried to hook up, it just turns out not to be as good as it used to be and worst is maybe my partner were not enjoying it all...

I wish I could really turn back time so I can do things I really enjoy when I was younger... I guess starting gym in the early age wasn't a bad thing at all...

Will I be ever satisfied with what I have achieved or have until now???

Uneasy Feeling...

I've been having this uneasy feeling for quite some time and it just keeps bugging me everyday... Is hard to explain how it feels like because for a moment, it pulls me into a void and the next moment, it just goes away... It's like when the feelings hit me, I just don't feel like do or think of anything... I just want everything to feel blank and empty, being absorbed into a void... My mind is telling me not to think of anything during that period... I'm not sure if this is a good or a bad thing... I am not even sure if this is related with depression at this point... I tend to loses all my energy and focus when that happens... It confuses me, which also making me worry about my own mental health as well... Or perhaps, I just have too much thoughts in my mind right now that I do not want to think about it at all cause it exhaust me by thinking of it...

I can feel that this will give me further mental exhaustion if it continues on... I really need to do something about it...

Should I really seek for a psychologist???

Dealing With Depression...

Just for a quick update. It has been a month since I am trying to battle my depression and as of now, things are getting slightly better for me. I am able to enjoy my usual routine such as going back to gym more frequently and have better appetites. Since I had raised my concern to my current boss, my workload was reduced by more than half and generally I am just focusing on one thing. It was still a tough one but if compared to my other colleagues, their tasks are much more exhausting compared to mine.

I wanted to help them as much as I can but with my current condition, I knew I can't even if I volunteered. In fact, I might just make things worst. Hence, I rather be one giving bad impression instead of making the whole team look bad. I admit that I am being selfish right now but other than this, I really do not know what to do.

Honestly, all I ever wish was to have a long break before I start my new job. I just want to enjoy a long break but I don't think I will have that luxury. Even better if I get to travel for vacations. I just want to have some peace for my mind.

Can I find my peace till the day I start my new job???

Another Decision Made...

Last Saturday was our 3 months anniversary and it is also our last day being a couple...  The time we spent together means a lot to me and I really enjoy it... Sadly, things has changed for me when you start living with me for 2 weeks but this is definitely due to my incapabilities to cope with your lifestyle. Here are a few reasons of my break up:

1. The main reason, your preferences on working at Sarawak or Sabah instead of KL. I understand you have your freedom on choose where to work in near future and I will always support you even if you want to work overseas. However, long distance relationship is something I can no longer accept and I will avoid it at all cost. I do not want to love someone that I can't express my affections physically constantly, or at least once a week.

2. I understand you have a lot of things in your mind but your cleanliness is my biggest challenge. Since that day when I went to your house and clean up some mess, I told you that there was a dead pest under the end table. Then within the next few weeks, when I visit your house twice, you did not dispose the dead pest at all. Imagine in the future when we live together, what could have happen provided that I am someone who cares about cleanliness so much (not to the extend of being OCD I guess). Eventually, I was glad that you were willing to help me clean my house during your stay.

3. Our sleeping habits. I never love sleeping in air conditioned room while you are the opposite of me. There was one day where the room was too cold that I could not sleep at all due to uncomfortableness and I ended up sleep at my couch that night. And the funny thing is, I slept all the way till the next morning and you did not realise it at all until you woke up. If you ask me why I did not turn off the aircond and switch on the fan instead, I guess I just do not want to disturb you sleep soundly. 

Apart from the aircond, your tendency to sleep all the way in the middle of the bed without realising me sleeping almost at the edge of the bed is another uncomfortable reason. Even during your occasional sleep over at my place, I do not recall how many times I tried pushing you back to your spot. But then, after a few moments, you will repeat the same thing, again and again. Probably because you are too used to sleeping on a big bed alone so it was a little bit difficult for you to adjust when sleeping with someone else.

One more thing is your snoring. Although I am not a light sleeper but I am quite sensitive with noise while sleeping. I am actually still OK with it as I quite used to it but sometimes I really hope that I can get a good night sleep without any noises. Out of all the days we slept together, only 2 days I never hear you snore. Once was when you inhale the anti-snoring stuff (not sure what is the thing called) and another time was just quite natural I guess. However, what turns me off the most at this point is you knew that you snores yet you never take the initiative to inhale that thing whenever you sleep with me. Even during that day you inhale it, I was the one that asking for it. For a moment, I just think that you are not being considerate enough but I can't blame you at all because you are too used to sleeping alone all the time.

Overall, I felt that I am still not good in dealing or expressing myself. I promise that I will be a better person in the future.

It is better to feel the pain now than having it being prolong...

Well Well...

All these time, I knew that I do have depression in and out frequently but it usually never last that long, probably maximum 2 weeks then it goes off... And because I was going through a few treatments since February, I knew it does impact me in some ways as well... Then comes to my job, the reason why I desperately wanted to resign is purely because I knew I can't focus on my work (this project) anymore... What surprise me yesterday was when I tried to look at the list of symptoms of depression... On average, out of 10 symptoms, currently I have 7 symptoms out of it and this is really not a good sign... To name a few symptoms I have mentioned before in my previous posts:

• Heart palpitation. My heart tend to beat very fast when I am idle or sleeping
• Fatigue. Feels tired most of the time and wanted to do nothing but just lie down
• Lack of motivation. I believe this is the main root cause of my depression

The fact that even when I told my boss that I am having this mental health problem yet he reluctant to let me resign burdens me even more therefore I have no choice but to request what I can and can't do at this point with him...

I never tell anyone about my depression apart from my boss and I felt that telling him doesn't really help in easing my depression... Perhaps I should try to consult a professional or should I give myself more time for recovery??? One thing for sure, going to the gym or swimming really helps a lot in reducing my depression...

One quick update: I finally got my 3rd injection for Syphilis... Hopefully I can be fully recovered from this treatment :')

Frankly speaking, there are still a lot of stuff in my mind right now but I will leave it to another post...

Meanwhile...

There are seriously a lot of stuff in my mind right now and I am still trying to digest and sort it out... Once this major decision that I will be making passes, I can foresee myself to start with a new fresh life... While I am still trying to cope with everything that is happening concurrently, I just wanted to share this song for no reason lol...

Ok la this song is really good actually... Been addicted to it since I heard it for the first time... Listening to this song is like a remedy for me right now...

I really could not concentrate on my work right now with all these thoughts in my mind... Help me :')

Recovery & Final Decision...

Last week before I got my treatment, I realised that my health was severely affected from Syphilis... Apart from the rashes, it actually does induce some fever which is why I tend to feel very unpleasant, in a way that I know I feel feverish but it never hit me hard... On top of that, I felt fatigue most of the time... Eventually after a test, the report came out and I was indeed re-infected with Syphilis... The bacteria count for my re-infected test was way much higher than my first test which the doctor was quite surprised as well... Of course, I took my first treatment dose last week (this time, I need to take 3 doses, once weekly) and I totally feel way much better... Besides from being less fatigue and no sign of feverish, my rashes was not so visible and the best thing is my foreskin does not have any lesions easily now... It really gave me a lot of relief at this point and I feel like a normal person now... It was both physically and mentally exhausting when dealing with STD...

Seeing myself recovering at this point is definitely a good start... I may not know what gonna happen next so I will just live on with the flow...

Now, the fact that I am recovering well helps me to make a rational decision... I have came to a conclusion which took me 2 weeks and that is to resign from my current job... I am in the midst of looking for a new job in the meantime but it should not stop me from resigning anytime I wanted... The main reason I am making this decision is for the benefit of my mental health... I realise that if you are not enjoying your job, there is no point to put so much effort on doing it well since nothing rewarding will be coming out from it with the fact that it does put a huge amount of stress and unwanted pressure from it... Of course every job has its stress but if this is not an enjoyable stress, it will never give you the satisfaction from it... Hence, I told myself that my next job should be something new, or entertaining, or some field related with my interests... I will not bound myself to a job that will keep me unhappy... And frankly speaking, my sixth sense tells me that the direction of how this project goes is not gonna be good lolz...

There are a few more reasons that made me wanted to resign so I don't think I should hesitate anymore for the benefit of myself...

Will I be able to secure a job after my resignation??? xD

Apologies...

OK before I start, I just want to say that this is another depressing post of me and I would like to apologise in advance first... Bad things has been happening to me and I have to keep facing it regardless of what happened to me as I don't really have much choice and therefore, I have decided to list it out here... I will go in point for the ease of reading:

1. Yesterday I went to revisit my doctor... Based on the previous test results, I was mostly negative and got my treatment for Syphilis and genital Herpes... Everything sounds and feels right but until a week ago, I notice that rashes has been developed and spreading from by body all the way to my arms and thighs... Since I am worried that it was due to Syphilis, I decided to consult the doctor again (and spent a lot of money again) to ensure that it was not caused by other or repeating STD... Frankly speaking, since I got infected with STD, any irregularities or abnormalities that occurs to me will always lead me to STD causes and I got so tired of thinking about it that way...

2. Rashes wasn't bad enough??? Since my chancre and herpes has recovered, I thought everything around my penis area would be fine... Unfortunately, recently I felt my glans and foreskin tend to be EXTREMELY sensitive compared to last time... And the worst part is, I tend to get lesion or skin tear around my frenulum VERY EASILY since then... Sometimes, out of the blue, I will feel a little ticklish on my penis foreskin for no reason when there are no lesion around that area... Although it does not have any major impact on my daily life, I felt mentally exhausted thinking that there are some other STD that causes it...

3. Since my rashes started a week ago, I felt my body is getting weaker... Most of the time, I can feel my heartbeat beating fast even when I am not active in general (such as sitting or just laying on my bed)... Especially when I going to sleep, I can feel my heartbeat tend to beat faster until I fall asleep soundly... Apart from my heartbeat, I felt very lethargic since then... Sometimes I do feel like a fever is coming but somehow my body able to cope with it... In the end, I'm not sure if I was having fever or not since I don't feel feverish at all...

4. With minor physical exhaustion now, the biggest exhaustion that I am facing is mental. Besides of my STD thoughts, I realise that I am no longer motivated or interested in my job, to be precise, the current project I am working on... Since 2 years ago where I started this project (which I had complained a lot as well), I don't think I can push myself through anymore and I really wanted to quit so badly... The worst part is, my boss will NEVER agree if I told him that I wanted to pull myself out from this project and request for a project change... Eventually, the only way now is to resign from this company... However, if I chose to quit now, I am unsure if I can secure a new job for myself as I am having a lot of commitments as well... Although I have been receiving calls for job introduction, most of it was barely my interest as well... I do not want to work on a project that I can never enjoy... Hence, I am having a serious dilemma on this decision right now... I really don't know what is right or wrong to do at this point...

Knowing that my health is somehow deteriorating, I'm not sure what will happen to me the next day... Is not just physical health, but mental health as well and the latter has the most impact on me right now... Sometimes, I just feel so lifeless in a sense that I do not want to do anything and just sleep, hoping that everything will be OK the next day...

Thinking back, if I never met him on New Year's Eve, probably my life would not be this miserable...

Regardless how much I need to suffer from now on, I still need to move on with my life... Perhaps, I will live this life without joy for the rest of my life...

Random Post #8563747667234

Actually there are nothing much interesting happened recently but I just feel like I need to post something... Perhaps one thing that I can talk about is I have finally rented out my room to my friend that wanted to come to KL for a long time, like 3 years ago lolz... And to add on, he was my ex lolz... A lot of my friends was quite surprised when I told them I rented my room to my ex but I don't find it awkward or weird at all...

OK that's all... Really nothing much interesting to talk about... Hopefully my next post will be a picture post xD



Nyaaaaaaaaa~~~

March 2022...

Ok just wanna say that March is literally a bad month (like my January) and this is just the beginning of it... So here are some bad updates from me for March:

1. Went to see my doctor who treated my Syphilis again. This time I consulted her for another reason as I experience some unknown lesions (mildly itchy as well) around my foreskin, close to my chancre. And based on her diagnosis, she say that I got genital Herpes and proceed to prescribe me with medicine and cream for the treatment. Did a full STD test with urine and all tested negative.

2. Since I was tested positive for Covid 3 weeks ago, felt that my entire body immune system dropped drastically. And because of that, the doctor says that my Herpes appears because of my weakened body immune system. Planning to get some multivitamin pills.

3. Notice more and more rashes appearing on my body, arms and leg. Not sure if this is the side effect of Herpes medications, some unknown diseases due to weakened body immune system or just dust mites.

Bad things aside, here are some random updates since my last post:

1. Might be planning to join some artistic gymnastic classes. Still not giving this up yet 😆. But if I failed to find one close to where I work or stay, I might find a personal trainer instead.

2. Wanted to sell off a second hand coffee table I bought before I move in to my new house.

3. Officially got myself a boyfriend during Valentines Day 😂😂😂

4. Should I go for some island holiday since Malaysia opens all their borders now??? 😁

Ok that is all I can think of for now...

FIGHT MY WAY THROUGH THIS MONTH AHHHHHHHHH!!!

The Revelation...

OK... As promised, I will be revealing the whole story of what happened to me in January that I went into a deep emotional moment and depression until the last day of it... It was the worst moment I have been through and it was really exhausting for me... For the ease of readability, I will tell the stories in point form...

1. New Year Eve's Guy - I had talked about him earlier... He came to my house one night, we slept together, had our fun, met again few times, went on an unofficial date once and then went missing for few days... The whole story is from my previous posts HAHAHAHA!!!

2. Filipino Guy - Knew this guy from Facebook as he suddenly add me as friend... From his profile, he is a hot guy and good looking... He said that he is a model in Philippines and will be visiting Singapore around early this year... We had chat for few days and I felt nice chatting with him all along... We talk about workout and diet since he is a model... Everything was doing fine until one night, he asked for video call... 

Honestly speaking, I was not really into video call that night and he kept asking me "Can I trust you?"... I mean, of course you can trust me and hence the first time we video call, he was sitting on his chair shirtless... At that time, he just turn on the camera and it was somehow muted.... I thought we have connection problem and unable to hear each other so before our second video call, he say that he is completely naked and he want something which I knew what it is... I agreed and once we on our 2nd video call, we exposed ourselves... I did not want to cum so I just stroke while looking at him... It went on for like 15 mins and he cummed from the video call... We stopped the video call and as usual, I ask him how was it and he was pouring all the compliments on me saying that I am hot and stuff... I was so glad he enjoyed it...

Little did I know, he say that he had a surprise for me and send me a video of me jerking off... He secretly recorded my act through the video call... He started to blackmail me with the video and he shared the video to few of my Facebook friend list  (he create a group and added me and a list of people with the video link)... Obviously, I was in an extreme panic and I do not know what to do since this is my first time encountering such problem... The first thing I did was begging him to remove the video link from Facebook immediately... He kept asking me to transfer an amount of money but I was too confused and I do not have as much as what he requested so I kept bargaining with him... During that time, I was totally devastated and in pure confusion with fear deep inside me... I do not know what to reach to, nor who I know of can help... I was in constant fear and suddenly, the New Year Eve's Guy dropped me a message... It was around 11pm and I never expect he was still awake... The moment I knew he was still awake, I immediately ask him for a video call and explain everything to him...

In my entire life, I can honestly say that I owed him one big favour... He help me confronted the Filipino Guy since the Filipino Guy requested to have a video call... So I invited the Filipino Guy into the video call of me with the New Year Eve's Guy and I let the New Year Eve's Guy do the talking and everything... I muted and turn off the camera and just let them talk... Thankfully, New Year Eve's Guy really did a great job in inflicting fear to the Filipino Guy and halfway of the video call, the Filipino Guy left the video call... At that point, I know New Year Eve's Guy had completely saved my life... He told me to ignore whatever the Filipino Guy asking for since he can't do any harm to me... The Filipino Guy kept bugging me and I start to block all his contacts... He used a new number to message me and I blocked all of it as well... It was a hell of a night for me... I continue chatted with New Year Eve's Guy for awhile and went to sleep...

In the next morning, I did not receive anything from the Filipino Guy... I decided to deactivate all my social medias that the Filipino Guy had added me so he could not get any more information... After that, I kept myself away from social media for 5 days until everything has settled down, then I slowly reactivate back my social medias...Since then, everything was calm and I knew that the nightmare has passed...

The lesson that I learnt here is, regardless of how nice someone treated you, never fucking ever agreed for a naked video call... Just say NO!!!

3. Missed my University mate's Wedding Dinner - Because of the incident with the New Year Eve's Guy, I totally forgotten about the wedding dinner that I should be attending the next day... I was totally in chaos at that moment and it never came across my mind and I felt extremely bad that I missed his dinner... I felt so bad and speechless that I don't even want to cover myself about it... I really hope he will forgive me...

4. STD - This was rather a surprising situation where I never expect to occur... So one day, I notice that there is an abnormal spot under my foreskin which I never seen before... I did some research on Syphilis but somehow the description was not similar to what I am having... After 2 weeks, it has developed so much that I feel it is very likely to be Syphilis... Therefore, 2 days before CNY, I decided to consult a doctor and she confirmed that it was indeed Syphilis after examining my symptom... I requested for the treatment on that day itself even before I have tested positive for Syphilis... Like few hours after my treatment, which is an injection of penicillin on my butt, at my own home, I suddenly felt unwell... In the next moment, I was bedridden with a serious coldness and high fever (the treatment does causes fever) and I had to take a Panadol to control my fever... I was on my bed for 4 to 5 hours that day while trying to force myself to sweat... After sweating, I felt a lot better and this means that the treatment is taking its effect on my body... Now, I have to abstain from sex until my symptom is completely gone and after that, all my sex have to be a protected one HAHAHAHAHA!!!

5. Chinese New Year Eve's Car Tragedy - Was fetching my brother and mom back home and at a junction, I kissed a car's butt lightly... It wasn't a bad accident but the victim's car boot have its hook dislodge, causing it not to shut tight while I have a minor damage on my front bumper and a minor cracked car plate... Obviously, it was my fault and I agreed to pay for his repair... As it was CNY the next day, most likely there are no workshops opening for the next few days... We kept in touch and got it settled eventually the week after...

So there it is... My miserable January 2022 which is by far the worst I ever had experience in my life... I am not complaining about my life since I think that what had happened gives me a valuable lesson so I will not make the same mistake again in the future... Of course, it was a hellish period but now I had gone through it, starting my new life in the month of February... So far, things are going well and great... All I can say is, cherish what I have now and enjoy my life forward... Let the past be the past...

To everyone, please stay happy and healthy always :D

Happy Chinese New Year 2022~~~

 As usual, my greetings are always late but late is better than never xD

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR~~~

This year CNY was rather quiet and dull for me... Took a week holiday for CNY week and all I ever did was gym, clean house, eat, play games and sleep... Of course, the first day of CNY we still visited our relatives but that's it... And this week, I was anticipating that my friends and ex-colleagues would come to visit my house... However, it was rather quiet as well... I don't usually initiate the invitation but if they wanna come, I would not mind at all HAHAHA!!!

Initially, I wanted to write the full story of what really happened to me on January but since now is still CNY, I do not want to spoil the mood in my blog first... It is going to be a long ass story so I will try to shortened it as much as possible, and I will post it after CNY ends...

Once again, wishing everyone a healthy and wealthy year of Tiger!!!

GONG XI FA CAIIIIII~~~

The Worst Has Yet To Come...

I thought everything will turn out fine but it does not seems like it... As time get closer, it turns out to be the worst thing I could have imagine... There are just too many things in my mind right now that I am purely forcing myself through it... I really hope that I could just pretend nothing happened and live my life as usual... I wanted to type everything out about what had happened but I don't think now is the right time to do so yet...

I will try to stay strong!!!!!!!

Sigh...

Never expected that January 2022 is my worst January that I ever had in my entire life... It was never pleasant, and I am constantly falling in and out of depression regularly due to too many things that happened all along... I really wanted to know if my life will continue to be this miserable for the next few months or not... Plus, there are still a few more things I need to be worried about before end of this month and it is not something minor at all... Things are taking a toll on me since then and the more I think about it, the more depress it makes me... I may not know what is the next bad thing that could hit me... I'm not sure if I am prepared for it as well... If I was meant to suffer from now on, then I have nothing else to say and all I can do is just move on with a fake happiness engraved to my face...

Guess I could not enjoy my life after all :')

Rollercoaster January 2022...

So at the beginning of the year, it was a crazy emotional ride for me... Something happened yesterday night (I will not go in detail about it yet) and thanks to the guy in my previous post (even though he have to go through his own problems), he assured and helped me a lot on this... It was another crazy thing I got myself into and without him, I will never know what I might have done... I felt indebted to him as he accompanied me throughout the whole night and comforted me...

As for myself, I have learnt a very valuable lesson... Never fucking ever agreed to have video chat with any strangers from now on... Not even one... No is a no... I will engrave this into myself for the rest of my life...

Never trust any strangers in your entire life regardless of how nice they are... Not every nice people can be trusted...

Relieved...

So from my last post, I was very moody and I skipped gym for 2 days just because of him... Luckily, like 4 days later, he replied me something and update me his status... It wasn't a good one from him and I was extremely relieved that he was all safe and sound... At that point of time, I was actually slowly putting him off my mind (I fall in and fall out of love easily lolz) and now he is chatting back with me regularly, it kinda stopped me from putting it off for a moment... Although I still have the feelings for him, but the fact that he stated clearly that he will be undergoing some drastic lifestyle change for the better of himself, it is very unlikely I have the chance to be with him for this period... Hence, I am back to the beginning :')

Everything is fine so far for me and I am living my life as usual... Need to get back to the gyms and grind even harder... And yes, my libido is getting wild again lately lolz...

It is going to be CNY and I will be getting my long break soon... Been longing for a good long holidays :')

HOLIDAY HERE I COMEEEEEEE!!!

Best New Year... And The Most Miserable One...

The moments that we had since the first day we chatted on Whatsapp was extremely precious and memorable to me, not just because we slept together but we had a nice, comfy talk next to each other...

You shared most of your stories and I became your listener because I am willing to know you more...

You decided to give one of your plants to me so I could learn how to take good care of it, and you even told me that you might turn my home into a greenery...

You revealed to me that you are a pianist and I totally fall for the music that you had played. I told you that you played one of my favourite artist's song and I purposely made you guess which one was it since you played a lot of songs...

You told me that you like my personalities a lot, not once, not twice, but more than 3 times... You even compliment me in so many ways which made me feel much closer to you...

You said that you enjoy spending your time with me and you are looking forward to the next date with me...

Lastly, you promised me that you will never do the same thing to me like what your ex did to you, which is to cut you off and ignore you completely out of the blue...

I miss the intimate kiss we had that night and the warmness of your body while I am sleeping next to you...

I miss the shy smile you gave me every time I smiled at you...

I miss the talks we had before we go to sleep...

I miss almost everything that we done together...

And, the fact that I still miss you hurts me even more than it should...

Since that last time I chat with you on Sunday, after your church performance, you no longer read nor reply to my messages... Even I saw you online on the other apps and dropped you numerous messages, you never reply to it... It has been a total of 4 days since I last saw your message... I really have no idea what I have done that made you treated me this way... I tried calling you but you never pick up my calls... To me, your promises has become my worst nightmare...

I was completely devastated for the past few days... Never imagine that the one hurts me the most was the one I love the most... 

Eventually, I have decided to forget you, and I will never forgive you for what you did to me until you give me a proper explanation... The question is, will I even have the chance to hear that explanation of yours???

The plant that you have entrusted me with, I will ensure that it grows happily like how we used to be...

My final words from me to you: Please stay healthy and be safe all the time...

If I am destined to be hurt this way, I am willingly to accept it for the fact that I love him too much...

Best New Year...

Ok... Usually during my new years, all I ever do are celebrate at home, listening to fireworks while playing my game... But for 2022, it is the most unusual new year I ever had in my entire life... To keep the story short, here how it goes...

Found a guy in the app last weekend and we chatted up... For some reason, we both really get along very well as we get to chat a lot with each other... Then on Monday night, both of us was too horny and we decided to video chat while being naked and bare my whole naked body to a stranger... I don't usually video chat with someone but I could not resist because he is extremely hot... He already decided to visit me at midnight even before we video chat that day itself... As we ended our call and waited till midnight, he Grab over and I picked him up...

As I do not want to type too much of what we did, we did what two horny guys will do together that night while he stayed overnight at my place... And when we woke up in the morning, I gave him a surprise wake up and we did another round... Then I fetch him back and we still keep in touch after that morning... We chat a lot and we share a lot about our daily life and stuff... That is how our first meet up begin with...

Things were going so well all along that he decided to visit me on new year's eve, whereby he came over to my house at midnight again (which is New Year 2020)... Before we sleep, we had some deep talk with each other, and did what we wanted to do... To be frank, never have I ever felt so connected chatting with someone like this... 

Therefore, this is the very first New Year whereby I woke up, sleeping next to a naked guy with me, kissing and cuddling each other when awake, gave him a good blowjob and I came so hard while sitting and jerk on top of him... This is definitely the best New Year I ever had in my entire life... And on New Year itself, we had our very first date (not so official date) and we both really enjoyed the time we spend together...

I had learned so much about him during this 1 week and I felt that he is really a wonderful, kind, responsible, protective, funny, smart and humble guy... These are basically what I know about him during this 1 week and probably, he have even more good things to be discovered... Things are just going so well for both of us and I can see hopes in the future between us...

Ok that's all I want to talk about my first post in 2022... Supposed to post this yesterday but was too tired and busy with my personal life... Therefore, I would like to wish everyone A HAPPY NEW YEAR OF 2022!!!

HAPPY NEW NYAAAAAAA~~~