Updates...

Things were progressing quite well between me and him... After we matched in Tinder, I decided to bring our conversation to Whatsapp... Among all the guys I met in Tinder, I would say he is the very first one that willing to share photos without me asking, which gives me a sense of affirmation that he had interest on me but I will not confirm that until I asked him myself... Based on our conversation so far, I still barely get enough information about what he was interested about me but hopefully, he will reveal it himself rather than having me asking... Before I'm going to ask him directly, I am planning to meet him up for a dinner this week so that I can see if he is comfortable with me or not xD

I think I will be a little nervous on meeting him up after such a long time... There are so many questions I wanted to ask and I don't even know if I have any guts to do so...  And I can't believe that it has been a long time since I have insomnia... Usually I will have insomnia when I fall in love lolz...

All I hope for now is he don't find me annoying or have any negative impression towards me... I tried not to message him too regularly although I really wanted to... Why am I like this??? :')

Hoping for something good to happen this week...

What Should I Do???

OK something interesting really happened to me today... I really have no choice but to note this down in my blog cause I am totally confused at this point... So let me sum up the story and get straight to the point (cause I'm too lazy to type very long lol)...

So in my previous project, I was working in this insurance company and I met a few staff member from the insurance company... Since I am a vendor and I am supposed to develope something based on user's requirement, I have met this guy a few times and the work I am in charge of that time is practically relates to him (he was the person in charge)... Frankly speaking, the first time I see him during our discussion, he did catch my attention a bit... Tall, good looking, manly, above average fit, and have quite a lovely smile... But based on his attitude, I am pretty sure he is straight and eventually, all I can do is admire him as a straight colleague... But due to our nature of jobs, we barely have chances to meet up for discussion... Therefore, I knew in my mind that there is no way I could like even befriend him or something... What I can see is we are just purely colleague and all we can talk about is work related stuff... Although sometimes we did crack some jokes with each other but that was like only once... I could say at certain point, I just feel he is too straight to be even interested with someone like me... Nothing to be sad about since I respect him as a straight guy...

So I was browsing Tinder few days ago... Out of the blue, I saw his profile appearing for the first time in my life... I mean, what are the chances a straight good looking guy will be using Tinder lolz... For a moment, I thought that it would be really really weird if I swipe right on him and he swipe back since I am still expecting him to be straight... Is like, what are the chances that a straight guy would view other guy profiles (Tinder allows you to filter man or woman or both in the setting)??? Therefore, without hesitation and without hope, I just swipe him right for the sake of swiping and continue to browse...

As usual, I never expect anyone to match me in Tinder... So I just opened my app like a few hours ago and a notification appears... I was wondering who could it be since I never get a match for like a very long time... The moment I opened the chat, it was him... For a moment, I froze for no apparent reason and came back to my senses... I am quite surprised yet at the same time, confused... Until now, I am still curious of what is happening to me... Here are some of the questions that I've been asking myself for the past few hours:

1. If he is straight, why would he be able to see my profile and swipe me? Does that mean his setting is set to view both?
2. When I swipe him that time, it was not an instant match... So does that mean he only saw my profile after I swiped him???
3. If assuming he is PLU, did he really have an interest on me since he saw my profile and swiped me? Or maybe he just want to be friendly with me?
4. Assuming he is straight and paid for the app to see who swiped him, why would he still bother to swipe me?

Honestly, I can barely tell if he have any interest on me while I was working together with him... I don't even see a single hint of it... He is too straight to swipe me right at this point... I am still shocked to see him swiped me as I really do not know if he swipe me because he have feelings for me or he just swipe me as a friend...

Right now I am both excited and worry to know the answer... Cause my feelings for him was all gone since I left the project he worked in and now, a spark has been ignited out of a sudden... I really do not know what I am supposed to do as I am still lost of words for what is happening...

Hooooooowwwwwwwwwwwww?????? What should I doooooooo??????????

Am I OK???

Recently, something weird is going on with me... I'm not sure if this is some sort of mental health or what but I am pretty sure it is not something good.. Here are some of the occasions that makes me feel uneasy about myself...

I was never a hot tempered guy unless that thing really pisses me off a lot... So I was driving back to my home one night, and a car broke down on the left lane... I was driving on the left lane and suddenly have to stop completely due to the broke down car... I mean it wasn't a big deal since is not like they intentionally block the lane... Therefore, I have no choice but to move on to the right lane and this is where I felt mad... When I was driving on left lane, there were no car on the right lane at all and once I get close to the broke down car and tried to change my lane, there were like a long stretch of cars zooming over the right lane for like 1 whole full minute... I was questioning myself, why did this only happens when I want to change lane? Why can't it happens before or after? Why?

Another thing that somehow triggers me is when I left my house and realise that I forgotten to take my phone and I have to go back to my house to take it. I mean it sounds like a minor stuff but to me, somewhere in my brain, I started to have the thoughts of things does not goes my way. For some reason, I felt that everything that happens in my life should only goes smoothly in my point of view. It just ticks me off whenever something does not goes my way. Another example would be when I try to pour some boiled water into my bottle and accidentally splash out some water and caused a slight mess, it just ticks me off for no apparent reason. Basically, whatever minor stuff that occurs to me and does not meet my expectation will just pisses me off awhile.

The fact that I can start working out as the gyms are allowed to open, I felt slight relief in a sense that I can avoid all these minor stuff from affecting me. I've been trying to be more active by swimming and working out so that I can avoid thinking too much. To be frank, I think my mental health was slightly affected from my job stress. Recently, I have been working overtime during weekdays, and even have to work on weekend sometimes since September. I still enjoy working in this company just that I don't really enjoy working on the current project. Because of this, it has constantly urged me to find and change to a new job, which is not that easy as well.

As of today, I would say I am a little bit more OK but still need some time to recuperate, especially on my job stress and hopefully, I will have a fresher and brighter mindset by then.

It is OK to be not OK as long as you know how to take good care of yourself first.