Sunday, December 31, 2017

Happy New Year 2018...

It was supposed to be a happy new year... Like seriously happy... But I felt even more gloomier than I expected and this is the reason why I'm posting this even before 12AM... I just felt things never go according to my life or way... Things happening around me just made me more depressing and gloomy... I just felt that the only cure to this was indulging myself in those happy ending... Things were never seems easier to me since early of this year... Finding my true self does not seems to help my life in being happier... What a sad truth...

I really don't know where my life is leading to right now... To be frank, even if I suddenly got a new job offer from another country, I don't think it will make me any happier right now... This is how depressing my life...



Waiting for the moment to change my life... I got a feeling that my life is slowly worsening though...

Friday, December 29, 2017

Pressured...

Having pressure from both job and financial... I wonder when this will stop or end... Really struggling to living my life through this... Sick and tired...



They say we should suffer when young, then it will be easier when older... I wonder if my life will be anywhere easier...

Monday, December 25, 2017

First Time In My Life...

It is not a good thing... And this was my very first time... And what would it be??? My credit card reached it's limit for the first time lolz... Never have I ever face such situation but I do expect that I would hit the limit some day... Probably and hopefully this is the first and the last... It is kinda scary to see this... FML!!!



AND MERRY CHRISTMAS 2017 TO EVERYONE~~~

Saturday, December 23, 2017

When Everyone Is Enjoying Year End...

Let me be frank... Not sure if it was my fault to agree on doing this new project but the timeline/deadline given was indeed not so favourable as it was year end... I really felt that it took away my joy of Christmas (although I don't celebrate it) and my holidays are merely not holidays at all... I have to think about work during holidays which are not something I am used to doing it... The pressure from my boss makes me uncomfortable... Of course, I still think that I can cope with it but my boss is having way over too much expectation from me which eventually turns out to be a pressure for me... I just don't feel like over-stressing myself on this... I am not the type of person that willingly to do something which I don't like... I am sorry...

Another thing that's stressing me out is my financial... Well... It haunts me all the time... So what can I do about it??? Tell me please...



I wish I am rich... Like seriously rich lolz...

Wednesday, December 13, 2017

Worn Out...

Seriously... I am starting to feel tired of being a programmer... Perhaps, I am not a programmer to begin with... Every time I wanted to learn something new, it will never turns out to be good... I wanted to learn how to use Google API but all I get are errors and have zero fucks on what is even happening... Meanwhile, the forums does not give an insight details on how to even use that fucking API, not even a code snippet example... Even if they provide, I will definitely get an error... How am I supposed to learn or know what is going on like this??? This is seriously tiring... In fact, by not getting it work, I will delay my project... I am just fucking tired of all these delaying shit... On the other hand, my boss keep pushing me that I must finish this project on time... With all these shit going on, I guess it is almost impossible... I am really sick of this programming life...



Fuck this life where I will never be given a chance to learn something new...

Monday, December 11, 2017

Wisdom Tooth...

I had my surgery to remove the wisdom tooth on my right... Yes I can say this is my very first time doing surgery and it was an experience of my life... I am too lazy to describe the entire process and all I can say is fascinating...



I am kinda sleepy right now and just hope not to think about my job/work...

Tuesday, December 5, 2017

Ain't That Jolly...

I have to admit that this month, he jolly month of Christmas is nowhere jolly to me at all... I am facing various issues SIMULTANEOUSLY which causes quite some depression due to stress... Now let me list it out:

1. My toothache is starting to give up... Yes... Consulting a dentist and have my wisdom tooth remove is the only choice but this will cost me up to RM1000...
2. My car service is due this month... Another RM500...
3. New project from my work... It is a good opportunity for me to learn... But at the same time, I have to handle 2 other projects and this new project has a tight deadline...
4. Not able to complete my previous' project perfectly... I may not be a perfectionist but yes I do get depress when I can't complete something that I am supposed to...
5. Living my life in a not so financial positive...

Seeing my friends travelling to Japan has indeed impacted me in some ways... Japan is a must go for me and until now, almost reaching the age of 30, I am unsure if I still have the chance to go... How do I live on with such depressions???



And my worst nightmare??? House loan!!!

Friday, November 24, 2017

Quick Update!!!

Ok let me recap what happened since last week:

1. Melaka trip... Totally in love with the airbnb place I stayed with my ex-colleagues...
2. My wisdom tooth starts to act... Getting aches lately and trying to mask it with panadols...
3. Met a guy in my gym that has a stink attitude... Never gonna engage him anymore...
4. Getting my tasks at work done quite smoothly... But going to face some new challenges soon...

That's it... Gotta sleep soon...



Oyasumi!!!

Sunday, November 12, 2017

2019...

My real freedom which falls on mid of 2019... Still very far to me... There are so many things I am looking forward to on that time.. Something that I want to do right now but only can be done on 2019... This is absolutely torturing... I really hope time passes by even faster for now... My life starts to be a total mess again... Depression... Why???



My mood swing is way much scarier than a woman having her period lolz...

Saturday, November 4, 2017

Unsettle Feelings...

I thought that I am more financially stable recently... But when I look forward to the upcoming commitment in this year end, it freaks me out... I just realise there are so many upcoming things I need to settle... Car services, increase in loans, gym membership, ex-colleague's wedding money, and credit card debts... Is true that my bonus could clear all of these things but in the end, I am not saving a single cent... I am worried and feeling pressured right now... I am getting tired of this and this is just the beginning of my commitments... Later on, the commitment will go even higher and I just do not know what to do with it... To be frank, I am not sure how long I can sustain like this... I notice that as I grew older, the things I used to enjoy no longer something I could afford to enjoy... My life is somehow fucked up... Like seriously...



I am extremely tired... I start to feel lifeless...

Wednesday, November 1, 2017

Stop Being Dumb!!!

Ok... It is kinda stupid that I paid 80 bucks just for a short, nothing special b2b massage... I mean I can spend that 80 bucks on other better masseur but this one seriously not worthy... I don't blame them to be money minded since this is their only way to earn extra bucks... Hence, I have to be smarter next time...

Moving on to my life, so far so good... Nothing special is happening except that I know my man has came back to KL... Well, I wanted to meet him up for a meal and not anything else... Serious!!!



Darn sleepy liao Zzzzzz...

Wednesday, October 25, 2017

Recent Addiction...

So glad that I started to move myself away from sexual activities with other guys... It is still undeniable that I am bi/gay but at least I am not overly indulge with those sexual pleasure now... It somehow dies off at a certain point and I can get back to my normal, ordinary easy-going life as how it was used to be... One thing for sure is I am not looking forward to those things at this point...

Currently, this is my recent addiction:


BTS should be the only Korean male group that impresses me the most right now :D



Gotta download their albums lolz...

Wednesday, October 18, 2017

Sudden Realisation...

As I get older, I see my good old friends in a very different way... Not sure if my perception turns out to be more sensitive or what, but I don't know why it makes me feel uncomfortable... There are a few particular friends which somehow does not satisfy with my life... For instance, I just made a post on Facebook stating something very simple: "Hello long holiday :D :D :D"
As today is a public holiday and I took 2 days off, I am getting 5 days off from work which is nice... But that particular friend which I still consider a good friend of mine, gave me not a like, but an angry response... Like seriously??? Let me get into this once and for all:

1. He is more richer than me... He even have a better life and a better paid job than me... Why is he giving me that response when I am just getting a long off???
2. He gets to travel more than I do... But when I travel, he gave me the same response...
3. When I eat something new, he gave me that response, thinking that I have a better life...

It is clear that I don't care about other people's life... Yes I do get envious but I will NEVER response to their life badly... In fact, I am happy on behalf of them when they get to travel and eat good food... That's me :)



I am kind... Sekian lolz...

Sunday, October 15, 2017

Not So Keen...

Ok things feels differently from before now... I may still interested in expressing myself to him, but I am totally not eager or interested in having sexual fun with other guys now... Not a bit... I just felt that if I want to release, I can just do it all by myself... Or perhaps I am just too into him, as in want to be myself more when I am with him... I'm sort of unclear but I think I should keep it this way as of now... Do not let myself gone too wild... I want my life to be fully under my control... Do no let my desire kills me...

I am still keeping part of my love for him... Not sure why but I just think it will never go wrong...



More updates soon...

Monday, October 2, 2017

October Update!!!

First off, I failed to express myself to Hideto... Yes... I may sound like a failure but I think I made a right choice because that day itself, I am very sure Hideto is not having a good day... He look kinda moody to me and I somehow exceed the time with him... I can sense that he is a little bit unhappy as well so it was the right choice for me not to express... I should hang out with him more instead of having him doing his job whenever we meet most of the time... He is a human and he needs to rest sometimes... Probably by making him thinking me as a less sexual driven guy, he might be more happier or comfortable with me...

Now let's move on to next thing... I am sort of getting tired hanging out with other guys in BW recently... I just felt that the more I hook up with someone new, the more disappointing it will be... They tend to be less attractive to me in certain ways... Is it because after meeting Hideto, nobody can be compared to him??? I am too lazy to think about this in the end...

Third, I skipped gym for 2 days and I felt extremely guilty... 2 days (last Friday and today) I am supposed to go gym and due to my job, I have to give up my gym... Thinking of this certainly pisses me off but it should be fine after everything goes smoothly...

Fourth, I really hate headaches...



I REALLY HATE HEADACHES!!! OR MIGRAINES!!! I JUST WANT TO VENT ALL THE SHIT OUT!!! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Tuesday, September 26, 2017

Preparation...

My next stage of my love life lies on my next meetup with him... I never expect myself to deeply in love with him like this and this is definitely my only chance to express my feelings for him... Funny thing is, I never do this before and on my very first attempt, it is a guy lolz... For some reason, I am absolutely shameless because this is what real love supposed to feel... If you love someone regardless of gender, grab the opportunity to express your love... Whether it is a success or fail, you know you did it... That's it... And I have to admit that I regret for not expressing it to my crush earlier but at least for now, I have someone else...

I'm not sure what his response will be and I am genuinely scared, happy, excited, anxious, troubled, uneasy, and many more feelings... I can say that he do have a little feelings for me and I really hope he is willing to accept my love by giving me a chance... Plus, he loves to sing, play games and used to watch animes, exactly like me... This somehow is an additional points which indicates that I might have a good chance to give both of us a chance to be loved...

Right now, I am counting every hour towards our next meet up... Every night before I sleep, I will always think about him, thinking about how to express myself, thinking about what should be better for both of us if we get together, and even what I should do if he reject me... I am totally overwhelmed with these thoughts and I really need to get this cleared up as soon as possible...

Although we don't know each other much, but I got a feeling that this is going to be a successful moment for me, where I can be successful on my first try... I just do not know what to type as there are too much things going on in my brain... Fuck it!!!



YOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO!!!

Monday, September 18, 2017

Is This Love???

I am falling in love... Like seriously... It is not official yet until Hideto says yes right on my face... After that day, I kept thinking about him... I got a little good feeling that Hideto is interested in me as well... I can say he enjoy most of the time with me and so am I (but in the end I enjoy the most)... I really can put the sexual thoughts away... Even if just him and me, hanging out together, dinner or anything, that feeling of holding his hand, cuddle or hugging him from behind is more than enough for me... I am indeed a horny guy and I have strong sex desire but I can hold on for the person that I love... To be frank, if he agrees to be my boyfriend, I really have a lot of things to think about... I need to understand him more... I need to spend more time with him... I need to support him... I am willingly to do anything just to be with him... I don't even care if he make use of me, provided that he still loves me... I told myself, if he really became my boyfriend, I will spend as many years as possible with him because he is the type of guy that I want to be with for the rest of my life...

There are so many things going on in my head about him right now... This will never end... If I continue typing, it will be a billion words post... Oh my...



I have to express myself... I need to know the answer as soon as possible...

Sunday, September 17, 2017

Best Day In My Life...

It was never a bad decision for me to meet up Hideto. The story is absolutely lengthy and here it is (WARNING: Explicit content inside):-



I just tried Hideto the Japanese masseur that a lot of people recommended previously. I told myself that I must share this story ASAP because he is seriously damn good when it comes to the s** part. But seriously don't have high hopes for the massage. So this is my story:

I reached his place and wait for him at the lobby. Not long after, he came down and when my eyes meet his, I knew that he is someone I adore. As I walk closer to him and take a good look, yes. He is definitely the good looking type (basically my type) and we enter the lift together. Here are some of my first impression about him:

- He is just as tall as me (around 168cm)
- He does have a good looking body
- He looks manly (probably because of some beard)
- He speaks fluent English
- His smile is definitely killing me lolz

Moving on, as I reached his door and he opens it, the whole room is dimmed, with music playing and he even have an aromatherapy oil burner to make the whole room atmosphere as relaxing as possible. He show me where is the bed and I put all my belongings on the table before moving on to the bed area. Of course, I did not hesitate and remove my shirt first, and while I am removing my shorts and underwear together, he removed his shirt and shorts as well (except underwear). And now this is my impression after he removed it:

- His arms (biceps and triceps) are good
- Nice chest but not buff. Small nipples.
- Not so visible abs but he do have when flexed
- Nice shoulders
- Shaved armpit

Let me get straight to the point. He did turned me on the moment he stripped down to his underwear because he is definitely my type. I lie on the bed after that (with a mild boner) and he started off with my leg. Like I have mentioned previously, his massage is not something you should have high hopes for. I will skip this part and move on to the real deal.

When he started to massage my back by climbing on top of me, I only realise that he took off his underwear because I can definitely feel his hard d*** touching my back. That moment, he started off with body to body. To be honest, I immediate have a hard on when his body is touching mine and he gave me the warmest, loveliest hug from behind. And the best part, he started to pant softly which makes me more aroused. Of course, I am totally sold by his pant and I follow him pant along while he rub his body against mine. His hard rock d*** is constantly swiping along my body and I seriously think his imagination starts to go wild from that moment on (and my mind already went wild) and he proceed to hump me from my back (not anal). As he humping, I wrap my arms around his arms, gently touching his arms, lick his biceps, nibble his arms and he seems to love it a lot. After humping, he proceed to nipple play after asking me to turn around. At this point, I couldn't hold any longer. I begin to moan softly when he is licking my nipple and his hand is rubbing my d***. I played with his nipple and I am very sure he loves people to play with his nipple as well. He lick both of my nipples, then slowly lick down to my hard d*** and suck me gently. After a while, he lick all the way up to my abs, across my chest, up to my neck, and lastly we kissed each other for the first time. After the kiss, he kneel on top of me with his hard d*** pointing at my face. Without a doubt, I start sucking him slow and nice. This time, he moans instead of pant. After that, he goes back to body to body position and we kiss each other for a good one minute. I have to say that with his body on me and my arms and legs wrapped around his lovely body while we were kissing (with moaning and panting), I seriously want this feeling to remain forever. Once we are done with kissing, he start to hump me again. This time, it went to a new level of intensity. As he humps me on top, I hump him back. As we both humping each other, we both moan and pant faster and faster as every second passes by. I couldn't forget the sound when his chest and my chest hit each other, creating the "piap"-ing sound as if we are f***ing so hard until tomorrow never comes. I told myself that this is the type of fun that I am eagerly looking forward to and Hideto definitely able to fulfil my desire completely.

After a good minute or two of humping, he ask if I am a top or bottom. My first experience as a top and bottom was never a good one hence I lied to him that I am a top. From his hard d***, I can sense that he wants to f*** me. I'm not sure if anyone mention this before, here is a good news to all of you: He might be a vers top. The reason is because after I lied to him that I am a top, he ask me if I want to f*** him. Of course, I want to but I decline for this time. Then he ask me the 2nd time if I want to try bottom again. To be frank, at first I hesitated because I am not ready and I worry that it will be a bad experience again. But I told myself that I am totally sold to him, and my lust instantly took over my brain, saying OK without hesitation. And you know what? Being f***ed by a hot, good looking Japanese guy once in a while is totally worth it lolz.

As he sit on top of me and try to grab a condom from the end table next to the bed, I am constantly sucking him. Then he put on his condom, lube his hard d*** and my a***, slowly insert in. One thing I really love about him is he keep asking me if I am OK. Of course, it hurts and I have to say it hurts a little. When I told him that, he stop inserting and kiss me, trying to keep me calm. As he kiss, he slowly insert again. Not long after, he ask if I am OK or not again. Definitely, he is very considerate of his bottom. When he ask me the 2nd time, I replied him that it still hurts a little. He try his best to calm my a*** muscle down by kissing me again. Surprisingly, not sure what happened, the moment he completely insert his hard dick into my a***, I don't feel any pain at all. He ask me the 3rd time and this time, I told him it is all good. He increases his speed and I can feel his d*** start to dominate my a***. I moan louder and louder and he joined in as well. For sure, this is my very first time enjoy being a bottom.

After few minutes of f***ing, he ejaculated and I ask him if I can ejaculate on his body. He say he want me to ejaculate into his mouth instead. Since he insist, I sit on top of him this time, and jack myself off until the point of no return. I have to say that it turns out to be a little disastrous because my cum did not ended up into his mouth, but all over his face, and even got some on his hair. I apologise and immediately took the tissue to help him wipe off those cum on his eyes. I gotta say, I am absolutely satisfied and remorse for cumming all over his face lolz.

He ask me if I want to take a shower and I said yes. I should have ask him to shower together with me and I really regret for not asking that time(will definitely ask him on my 2nd time lolz). After we are done showering, we get ourselves dressed up and I proceed to pay him. I have to commend him on one thing here. Before we meet, I told him that I do not want full service because I'm not a good top or bottom. Hence we agreed to 200 (his full service is 300) just for b2b and kissing. In the end, I did let him top me and I should be paying him full service instead. When I ask him how much I should pay, he told me that it is up to me since we agreed for 200. I decided to pay him for full service since he made me a happy guy today.

After I paid him, he proceed to hug me from the back and kissed me a few times. I really do not want this to end hence I ask if there will be other people coming for your massage later and he replied there might be another client coming later. Since I do not want to disturb him at all, I have no choice but to leave. And well, before I leave, I hug and kissed him numerous times. I told myself that I will be back for him again. Like definitely.

(And I think I am in love with him now lolz)



So here is my story. My rating for Hideto will be as below:
Look: 9/10 (The missing 1 point is his abs lolz)
Massage: 3/10 (Don't go for his massage if you really need one)
S**: 10/10 (I may be bias here but oh well lolz)


I copied this whole story and too lazy to cut out all the explicit part... Well, not like anyone will read this lolz... And to whoever that read this, please keep it to yourself and hope you enjoy it LOLZ




I can't wait to see Hideto again :D

Saturday, September 16, 2017

Deep Thoughts...

Every now and then, I tend to see some of my friends (especially those pretty and handsome ones) able to enjoy their life much more than I do... They get to travel few times in a year... Saviour delicious food every few months... Taking selfie with a group of happy friends... It never ends... Everytime I see their pictures, I will get envious eventually... How can they afford such happiness??? Do whatever they want, go wherever they want... As for me, it just doesn't make me feel good or happy...

Now... I think that they are actually happy with their life... But in reality, are they really that happy as they look like??? I may look happy to other people but it doesn't mean I am really that happy as well... So why am I covering myself with so much negative thoughts which will make me feel more sad??? Why???



Cause I wanna sleep now lolz xD

Thursday, September 7, 2017

Life Update!!!

I tried a simple urut batin (manhood massage) for the first time and I only realise it is just a normal handjob or some sort lolz... Nothing special... There is a specific manhood massage session which is meant for erectile dysfunction people but I definitely don't need that at all (as of now)... As what's next, I will be looking forward to a lengthy "massage", costly but I should try it at least once xD

As for the story of the guy in my gym, met him few times recently but did not get a chance to talk with him, and I even fail to greet him... Gotta do something about it...

Moving on to my job, it is slightly better now... I am able to cope with it so far (at least there are progress) and with the help of an intern, it could eases me a little bit more...

Financially wise, not so good but eventually it will be better lolz...

So far, I am not keen in meeting new people (except one) hence no story about giving massages...



Finally, to end this blog, here is the video of their live performance for both A-side and B-side of the single:





And I need to take a day off to settle few things next week -.-

Saturday, August 26, 2017

25th August 2017...

Yesterday night was a special night for me... Why??? At last I opened my mouth and had a conversation with the guy in my gym which I approached earlier... Before that, I felt awkward to speak anything with him because I'm worried that he is still uncomfortable with me... Of course, I tried not to make him uncomfortable as well although I met him quite a lot of times... Plus, I only felt that I can only start a conversation with him when we are in the sauna or steam room rather than in the locker room or in the gym... After 3 weeks at least, I managed to get a very good chance to speak with him again and he doesn't seem to mind, but most likely feel slightly uncomfortable when I am around... To be frank, I felt bad to make him feel uncomfortable but I really desperate to befriend him, even though we can't go anywhere further in terms of relationship...

One thing for sure, he has opened up a little bit to me as he willingly to answer some of my questions which is personal to him... First, I really forgotten his name and I ask him to reconfirm his name lolz... Then I ask if he has a girlfriend and he smile it off (which I find him doing that is extremely cute), reluctant to speak in a very soft voice, he said that he is still single... He is seriously cute even though he looks extremely manly which is really my type LOLZ!!! After that, I ask him if that time we first met in the steam room, was that the first time a guy approaches him like that and he answered me yes as well (I don't feel bad cause I find him charming whenever he answer me at this point)... Hence, I ask him if he has been to any other gym before this and he said this is his very first gym... So far he answered all my questions and basically this is a good sign to me :D

After we left the steam room, took our shower and preparing to leave, I was reluctant to ask at the beginning and I took out my courage to ask if we can exchange our phone number... Of course, it is normal that he will reject (even if it was my first time, I did that without thinking twice)... But I did not force him at all to exchange by replying "It's OK if you don't want" but deep in my heart I desperately want it... Before I leave, this time, I said "See you" and he replied... It was a happy day for me...

I can see some progress in getting close to him now... I can sense he might still feel uncomfortable with me but at least this is a good start... I have to slowly make him feel comfortable with me...



I sound very evil as if I am converting a guy to be gay/bi LOLZ!!!

Thursday, August 17, 2017

Down...

Today is my crush's birthday (just to make it clear, it is a she)... I wished her happy birthday and I was planning to meet her up for a meal anytime next week... I am prepared to make a move on her by having frequent dinners and slowly get close to her more and more so she will feel my feelings for her... I am ready to proceed my life to the next stage... I am absolutely ready... Not because I felt guilty for making out with guys but I always believe that I am more comfortable spending the rest of my life with a woman... I can't wait to see her... I am excited and happy and nervous at the same time when I message her... Unfortunately, everything is gone the moment I received her reply...

My hopes, my dream, my future, my lover, all just vanished instantly when she say that she is away from here... What am I supposed to do??? When I took my courage out, she is no longer nearby... How am I supposed to approach her more now??? When I am prepared, she's no longer there for me... Don't get me wrong... I am not blaming her... I just felt that whatever happy things that I am looking forward to will never be a happy thing... This makes me down... Sad... Sorrow... I do not know what to feel about now... Just purely blank...



I need some good rest now...

Thursday, August 10, 2017

Life So Far...

Can't believe that I am somehow developing a feeling towards a guy, not immediately into relationship yet but close to it... Not sure about his thoughts but for me, it seems promising if things move or goes on well enough... To be frank, I am not expecting to be in relationship yet, plus it is not a girl but a guy... What the hell am I even thinking??? But isn't this is what we call love???

Whatever it is, I am definitely not ready to be in long term relationship with a guy yet provided that he is the one that speaks out first (as in he wants to be in long term relationship with me aka boyfriend), then I might consider about it... Here are some short details about him:

1. He is 7 years older than me
2. He is sweet and kind, but love to tease/bully me a lot
3. Tend to be very stern when goes into conversation that doesn't seems fit to his thoughts... Basically, he is a man that demands for justification clearly...
4. Has a cat
5. Extremely busy with his job



Not sure if I want to go anymore detail into it but I will leave those as it is...



Need to prepare for my swimming >.<

Friday, August 4, 2017

That Feeling...

Two moments this week. I will keep it straightforward:

1. Meet up with a guy from BW on Monday and we had lunch together... He was overall great, with good look, decent body and well mannered...We ate our lunch at Sunway Pyramid and once we are done, we proceed to Sunway Hotel's grand ballroom washroom for some casual fun. He enjoy the session and I'm glad he did... Would love to meet him again sometimes but this time, I will join in the fun...

2. Found a swimming buddy from BW and met each other yesterday (Thursday)... Swam for an hour and we proceed to the shower room... Agreed to have some great fun on our shower but I failed to do so due to me feeling uncomfortable... Felt guilty and bad for him as he was looking forward to it and I spoil it in an instant... In the end, we had dinner together and we discussed a lot of things... Two things I love about him??? The way he look at me and smile (totally mesmerising), and a very forgiving kind man as I disappoint him so many times yet he is still OK with it...



Another happy week in my life... Get my job/work moving forward at last and get to meet few nice guys...

Sunday, July 30, 2017

Troubled...

Ok first off, I am not depress but there are something in my mind which really seems to be a burden to me right now... I never had so many thoughts going on in my brain right now, regardless of good or bad, it is just taking its toll on me... And what is the trouble that's troubling me??? My job has the biggest impact...

All these while I questioned myself about my sexuality and it does give me a better insight after all... From meeting gay people, having casual fun, understanding the community, visiting gay saunas and exploring the possibilities, my brain is constantly processing... And because of this thing, I've lost all my concentration on my job, causing delay to the projects and let me be frank, I really have trouble solving even the simplest problem right now... I just can't accept this myself because I am usually not like that... I've lost my determination to solve problems as well and things just got tougher for me when it was not tough to begin with...

I really don't know how much I can cope with my job as of now but I will do my best... How my life should proceed from here??? I would like to have some guidance...



In the end, it is all about myself T_T

Thursday, July 27, 2017

The Truth (Continue)...

As usual... I tend to meet him every Tuesday & Wednesday in the gym... We just carry out our usual workout routine... After the first incident, I did have a minor thankful feeling (nothing sensual nor sexual) and I did want to befriend him... But of course, being an introvert will always have that mindset of letting other people approaches you rather than approaching them... I never dare to make my move... We met in the locker room frequently as well but I did not do anything...

The second incident which actually made me to confront him yesterday night was somehow, special I would say... It begins with a normal night gym session... We both were there, done our gym, get ourselves showered, get dressed and leave the gym... I have the habit of taking a bottle of mineral water and an apple in the gym right after I return the locker's key back to the reception... When I open the gym door, he was standing next to the door where the water dispenser is, filling up his bottle... As usual, nothing much interesting, I went and grab my things and leave the gym... Heading to the lift and while I was waiting for it to reach my floor, there he stood, beside me and waiting for the lift together... Honestly, I did not really have much eye contact with him since the first incident... If I recall correctly, all I ever did was glance at him and probably gave a smile or two but I'm not sure if he notices it... We enter the lift together, the door closes and proceeds to ground floor... This is the time where everything changes...

I'm not sure if I am considered a gentleman here but I do have the habit of holding the door open for people to leave the lift first before I leave lastly... I did it for almost everyone in the lift provided that I am close to the lift buttons (or control??? What did you call that??? LOLZ!!!)... We both stand in the lift with the door opened while I was pressing on the open button, for like a good 5 seconds and he was assuming that I will leave the lift first... But I guess he is surprised cause I did not make any move and the moment he look at me, I gave my hand gesture to signal him to leave first... That is basically so me because I just felt that this is a minor gesture that everyone should adapt to... And so, he get it and he leave the lift... This is the very moment where I found it to be special... As he leave the lift, he said "Thank You" to me, exactly the same moment from the first incident where I said "Thank You" to him... But his "Thank You" to me that time, was the softest, gentlest, sweetest and cutest thank you (from a man) I have ever heard in my life... A tall, manly, good looking guy with a soft and gentle voice is definitely NOT SOMETHING I WOULD HAVE EXPECTED... This is where my gaydar (gay radar as what I read lolz) tingles and I knew something is hidden in him... Therefore, he left and I head to my carpark...

After the second incident, I told myself that I should confront him at least once, just for the sake of knowing him more and befriend him... The good thing is, no sexual thoughts came to my mind while thinking about him but I just felt that he is the kind of guy that would make a good friend, perhaps a gym buddy or swimming buddy if he is interested... Once again, my thoughts on him changes even more after yesterday night's incident...

After I'm done with my gym, I went to the locker room and eat the apple I took... This time, I purposely eat slower because I am waiting for him to finish his gym as well... At first I thought I lost hope because I have finished my apple and I went straight to shower... I thought that I would never get a chance to approach him yesterday night... And after I came out of my shower, I went to the clean my ears with some cotton buds provided by the gym... As I was cleaning, there he is... With just his towel on and he walk toward the shower cubicle... Luckily on the spot I was standing, I can see the perfect reflection of the shower cubicle entrance and to my surprise, he was butt naked when he approaches to the shower... He left his big towel out, while he took a small towel together into the shower... Of course, I knew my chances is there... I purposely clean my ear slowly so I can see him leaving the shower... Once he has completed showering, he grabbed his towel, and move to the sauna room... By then, I know the chance is clearly there and I should not miss this opportunity... Hence, I head towards to the sauna...

As far as I remember, I have been into the sauna with him for a few times... Every time in the sauna, he usually remove his towel, as in completely naked but he will cover his private part with the towel... During the sauna period, I did not dare to make any move because I don't see him hinting anything... I closed my eyes the entire sauna period, and once in a while, took a quick peek on him to see what he is doing... But due to the dimmed sauna light, I can't really see much... I thought I would lose this chance because I am unsure if he is the guy I would like to approach... I can't see his face clearly so I do not dare to make a move... After like 10 minutes, he stood up and leave the sauna... As he left, I take a proper look and YES, IT WAS ACTUALLY HIM... Sadly to say, I thought I blew my chances away... I felt slightly down deep inside but it was OK because we still have more chances to meet... And the next moment, after he left the sauna, he turn into the steam room instead... In an instant, I was excited and enlighten that time... It was a clear second chance for me... I did stand in the sauna for like 2 minutes to think about what to say when I join him in the steam room... In the end, I can't think of anything and just move to the steam room with him...

I saw him butt naked and covered, sitting at one side while I enter and sit somewhere opposite him so I can see him... During the first 3 minutes, I was closing my eyes, some times have a quick glance to see what he is up to and enjoy the steam room... Eventually, I told myself that this is a good chance to approach him, probably by speaking to him but I can't pull myself together on that... Is tough being an introvert... Hence, I give up closing my eyes and just pretend to admire the steam room by looking around... After like a good 1 minute, something interesting happened... Most likely he did not notice me staring at him, but it was very clear from the hand movement of him, stroking something underneath the towel... I can see more clearer in the steam room since it is much brighter... I was staring at him moving his hand for like 30 seconds and I knew he need some help from that point... Hence, I approach him and ask:

"Do you need some help???"

He smile, and nod slightly... That very smile of him when I ask him the question was very sweet and lovely... After that, he allows me to handjob him and not sure if he is shy or what, he just play with my nipples... I don't mind what he want to do to me but he seems to enjoy playing with my nipples while I am giving him a handjob... Of course, I will never give a blowjob unless that person requested for it... I did try to ease the tension by asking some simple questions but he was kind of reluctant to answer it as well... From this point, I know he is a little worried or scared over something, probably because I act a little bit too much... There are even few times I tried to cuddle and kiss him but he does not seems to react to it (Note: I did not act rough on him... It is completely gentle)... One thing I can clearly see from him is that he is very shy and maybe this is the first time for him to engaged in something like this which makes him a little uncomfortable... I won't blame him for this because I reacted the same on my first time as well... In the end, he cover himself with the towel after a minute or two, and he say he want to go... To be honest, I tried to pull him back because I just want to chat longer with him but I can clearly see that he is not comfortable at all so I let him go... The point is, even if he stay on, he will not answer all my questions... And so he left the steam room while I enjoy myself and leave the room as well... As I went to the grab a new towel for my shower, he was getting himself changed... He did not look at me... Perhaps I have left a bad image or scar on him... Since I respect his privacy, I did not approach him after that and I went straight to my shower and leave the gym...

To be frank, I'm afraid that I might scared him off, causing him to quit the gym and not coming back anymore... I just want to befriend him in a good way since he is definitely someone that caught my attention first... Regardless of what, I really hope to see him again someday and perhaps this time, he can open himself up more to me so we can know each other better...



Conclusion: I made my first move but the result does not seems to be favourable LOLZ!!!




Wednesday, July 26, 2017

The Truth...

Before I move on to the truth, I must share this story of mine...

There was this cute and semi buffed guy in my gym at Sheraton Imperial KL... To be frank, I did eye on him for quite some time because we tend to meet each other regularly since last month... He may not be muscular or extremely fit, but he does have the meaty feeling which is my sort of preference... As usual, we workout on our own and since the gym was not as huge as it seems, most of the time we are quite close when working out... The first time I saw his face, he was sort of OK or normal to me... Plus he kept his mustache and beard... It looks OK to me as well... But I have no feelings toward him that time... None at all... So the days just goes by as usual...

One night, where everything change, begins at a moment where I accidentally drop off the weights (I did not lock it on the barbell) from the barbell due to exhausted biceps... I was working out on my biceps that day and my biceps suddenly weakened when I took the barbell up and turn around, causing all the weights to fall off... I was kinda embarrassed to be honest and of course, I went to pick up everything... To my luck, one of the weight rolls over to him and he picked it up for me. That was the first time I actually look right into his eyes and said something, which is "Thank You" in this case... After this first incident, we eventually get back to our daily routine and everything is normal...

(To be continued...)



Damn fucking sleepy now... Can't type...

Saturday, July 22, 2017

2 Days Streak...

At last I managed to deal with some clients... I thought I will never get a chance lolz...
I have to say it was fun and exciting... Although I did not manage to get what I want from last 2 days, today would be the day though...

Deep inside me, I felt bad for my parents... Their love for me is definitely not something that I can pay back for the rest of my life... I'm getting sentimental over here because eventually one day, I will reveal the truth, not to them, but to this blog... This is something that only my clients would know... So, regardless of what's going to happen from now on, all I need to remember is keep everything safe and that should be good enough...



Life crisis is real lolz...

Thursday, July 20, 2017

Funny...

Seriously... Was supposed to meet my buddy yesterday but he message me that he was having fever and not able to make it... Whattttt??? Last Sunday flight delayed... Yesterday buddy got into fever... Today and tomorrow I got clients also de leh... So something weird gonna happen is it??? Apa ni???

The events are getting ridiculous lolz...



Tonight is the night... Hope no more weird shit happens...

Wednesday, July 19, 2017

Things Getting Rough!!!

My last Sunday meet up failed, and something new coming up tonight... I never expect that so many request come in suddenly... Is funny though that I've learnt a lot of weird people in this world, including myself as one of it lolz...

Tonight, after work, I have to fly quickly just to meet my first buddy... In the process of trying something new for the first time...



Nobody said it was easy~~~

Sunday, July 16, 2017

Postponed...

Today's event where I am eagerly looking forward to got postponed due to my client's flight delayed... I did wasted like 2 hours and 30 minutes just to wait for him but I did message him nicely, saying that we could just postpone it... I am the type of person that does not like to waste my time like this, especially when there are nothing to do around plus I got to work tomorrow... The only thing that I really never expect to happen is, I bought dom dom for the first time, but I don't feel awkward at all LOLZ!!!

Regardless of what, I will still engage my client to explore my inner self better...



I also dunno what to say liao... As usual, it is a curse... All my first time will never go smoothly...

Friday, July 14, 2017

Major Change In My Life...

Yes... This Sunday will be the day where my real me reveals... Whatever it is, I must ensure that everything is executed safely, and I will eventually have a lot more things to think or be bothered about... Why am I so dumb...

One thing for sure, I am doing this for extra income and if everything goes smooth, it might even turn to a hidden business...

Life is indeed not meant to be simple... But if you try to do something about it, the perspective will be different...

Lastly, to the old me:



Once you have chosen this life, do not ever regret with the decision you made...

Saturday, July 8, 2017

4 Years...

(4 freaking years...)

I am really grateful that my first job in Genting gave me this beautiful opportunity to visit Bimini... And this picture which was taken at Bimini 4 years ago still lingers in my memory and I don't think I will ever forget it... I really do miss Bimini for some reasons... One of it is probably because of my love for beach... This place is absolutely stunning and every single thing I have done there remains in my mind... Forever...

Thanks to Facebook's memories, one of the picture I took at Bimini pops up and it reminds me of what my life is about 4 years ago... Bimini really taught me a lot of things, such as:

1. The joy of being independent, and learnt how to be independent
2. Became more brave to drive a car because I am forced to drive a cart back in Bimini, alone
3. Initiative to improve my swimming
4. Communicate better with people (well I am an introvert to begin with)



I guess I should just wrap up for today's post :D

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~~~

Sunday, July 2, 2017

Unhappy...

The beginning of this month, July is definitely not starting well for me... Everything that occurs to me seems to make me depressed and if this continues on, I will definitely break down... From my job to my personal life, nothing seems to goes well... In the end, I am trapped in the game of financial... Especially by end of this month, I have to pay a lump sum of money for my car insurance... To be frank, the only thing that can make my life easier is to have more money...

I have to stop here or else I will really fall into depression again...



Cutting off!!!

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

Been There Done That...

Last 2 weeks was sort of chaotic for me in searching of myself... Well... I can proudly say that everything goes back to normal for me and I found a piece of myself eventually... It was weird and uncomfortable at first but at least it was something new, probably something I might involved once in a while and definitely not something that I eagerly want... I can say it goes with the flow, when somebody wants to give me, I will accept it willingly...

Sounds kinda fishy ain't it??? Haha :D



Life goes on as usual... And one more thing:



 Selamat Hari Raya 2017!!!


Thursday, June 15, 2017

Am I Dreaming???

I never expect that I am looking forward for it... Since Tuesday I was hoping to meet that person... It felt like it was just a dream... And will I even meet that person again??? That one event that happened seems to bug me a lot right now... I don't have the person's contact, which I regret for not getting it earlier... I did not ask for its room number... I don't know if the person still stays there... I don't know if the person will be coming back for this weekend or not... There are too many questions from me that I can hardly predict the person's existence...



What happened that day was really a dream??? I am so lost right now...

Experimenting...

I am currently involved on a mission to understand myself more... I don't think it is a bad thing as I think it should be part of life experience... Regardless of how it turns out, I will ensure that everything is on the safe side... All I need is the chance to meet that person one more time...



Will the chance comes again???

Saturday, June 10, 2017

Experience In My Life...

There was something I wanted to try... In fact, I am curious and I decided to give it a try... I gave up my dignity just to enlighten one of my curiosity in life... I won't get too specific into it but this post marks the day where I changed to my new gym which is much better than my previous gym...



Hence, this is how it begins...

Sunday, June 4, 2017

Plannings...

My upcoming things to do:

1. Get a free sample for 212 Men Aqua (well it is free)...
2. In dilemma of choosing between the most expensive massage or just go with a cheaper one first for this month...
3. Preparation of EPF investment...
4. Decide which date to take leave for my car service...

I sound extremely busy but this is what an adult life is about...



I don't know what to type for today lolz...

Sunday, May 28, 2017

Resident Evil: Vendetta!!!


Please don't ask me why and I won't deny that I love Leon a lot... Although Chris doesn't look that bad either but I still prefer Leon (maybe due to his hairstyle lolz)... Every game and CGI movie that Leon appears, he never fails to captivate me... If Leon is real, I would not mind being gay just for him (I guess I can say this without regret because I am bisexual hahaha)...
Damn...

Anyway, I've watched RE Vendetta today... Although it is not great, but still lovely to watch... The action scenes might be a little exaggerating, yet entertaining I would say... And right now, I am looking forward to Leon's next appearance and having Ada around will be much more preferable...



Leon is just too much as a fictional character...

Monday, May 22, 2017

Creepy...

For the first time, I am encountering something that I never expected... It happened in the gym I used to go just few hours ago... I was on my way for a shower and I passes by a dude in a shower cubicle, with his junk exposed and not even bothered to have his shower curtain closed while drying himself up with a towel... I am absolutely clueless on what I did to made him act weirdly... Basically I am just looking for the next shower and I am trying to look for a place to hang my things... Once I hang my things up, I am trying to undress to take a shower and that creepy fuckface was staring at me... WTF??? WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU STARING AT ME??? It is quite obvious that he is waiting for me to undress and I immediately closes my shower curtain... While I was undressing, I can see his foot, still standing OUTSIDE OF MY SHOWER CUBICLE AS IF HE IS WAITING FOR SOMETHING, and I purposely wait him to walk off before I open the curtain to put away my bag of dirty attires... After that, I thought he was gone for good and once I'm done showering, I managed to grab my towel and dry myself up, and in the next moment, he was standing in front of my shower again FFS... I opened the curtain with the towel wrapping around me and I gave him the fuck off face because this sicko pervert is seriously getting into my nerves the moment he stands infront of my shower cubicle... After I dressed myself up, I no longer see him anywhere, even in the locker room... Most probably he was hiding somewhere...

Seriously, my only assumption is that he thought that I saw his junk and he thinks I am interested with him hence he is trying to hit on me... But for fuck sake, no one will stand in front of another person's shower cubicle like that and don't fucking ever think that I will try to undress infront of you, you motherfucker sicko pervert...

Holy cow... This would be the most creepy fucked up thing I've ever experience in my entire life up until now...




I felt violated in terms of my privacy... If I ever see that sicko and he is trying to do the same thing again, I will definitely confront him... Eeeeewww... Fuck this image it is fucking gross...

Sunday, May 21, 2017

Oh no...

I might be looking forward to another massage... I am somehow addicted to it because it does make me feel more energetic and less tired... Plus, there are few types of massages which I would like to try... I had sport massage (with a mixture of deep tissues massage) and what I want to try now is Balinese massage... There are still Swedish massage and Thai massage pending in my list... Besides massage, they have different types of facial which is kinda interesting as well... I have to say that I should pamper myself once in a while... Ada duit ada pamper lolz...



Gg lor...

Saturday, May 20, 2017

First Time Spa & Massage!!!


Ok... The reason why I ended up trying massage is because of mySamsung giving out buy 1 free 1 promo... After my deep tissue sports massage and a facial, indeed I feel more relaxed... I do enjoy the process of massage but it seems to end too quickly with a hefty price for it... I really hope to go for a massage once a month but the cost is too high to sustain... Initially, I am supposed to utilise mySamsung buy 1 free 1 voucher just now but the staff did not redeem it from my mobile... Hence, I can use it again for another buy 1 free 1 session... I should find someone to share with me the ultimate package since the price can be halved lolz...

Well, hopefully I don't get addicted to massage...



My next post should be about Lea Michele's Places album review...

Monday, May 15, 2017

Perhentian Island!!!

Sorry for being MIA from my blog... Just a quick update to my blog as of now:


Magnificent isn't it??? And to be honest, I felt that Perhentian is way much better than Redang in terms of snorkeling as there are more things to view (both land and underwater) and enjoy...

Recently, I got my mobile screen fixed and the damaged screen pixel is no longer there now... Shoooo Hiapppey~~~



Ok that's all for today... More Perhentian pictures coming soon~~~

Monday, May 1, 2017

Boiling Up...

For some reasons, MOBA games that involves ranking seriously makes me mad when playing with bunch of useless teammates... Seriously, stop using a hero that you are not good with in ranking games... You are spoiling everyone's game...

This is so tiring...



This aside, my next island trip has been confirmed... It will be Perhentian Island and somehow, there are 2 of my high school friends been to Perhentian recently... Now, I have 2 islands checked out from my list; Redang and Perhentian... What's next???



Moodless...

Saturday, April 15, 2017

Letting Go...

First off, I am absolutely glad that I am catching up with my work... Previously, I fall behind by a lot and I was kinda worried... But now, things working out fine and my job gets more entertaining with two interns working for me... It feels like I have a new toy to play with lolz (JK)...

Second, it seems like my hype for working at Wellington slowly dies off... Since I did some calculation, even with 3 times currency value, I felt that I could not earn a lot... Due to the fact that they have high income tax and I have to spend quite some money to prepare myself if I'm going there, it turns out to be not so feasible at all... Hence, I will continue and see how thing goes off from here...

Nothing much interesting events going on in my life recently... Well, I am definitely planning my next beach/island trip which I will be going around May :P



Keep moving on...

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Not Even The Slightest Chance...

Just watched two videos from youtube and apparently, few of the Malaysian and Singaporean youtubers which I know were shooting at SS15 and they even had dinner close to my office... Talking back about Pewdiepie when he came to Malaysia for a vacation, I realise that I never get a chance to see or meet or encounter or even catch a glimpse on any of these youtuber celebrities in my entire life... Basically, they are so close yet so far... I don't know why... Why would I never have that chance???



Why???

Monday, April 3, 2017

Goodbye Wellington...

Yes... Time to bid adieu to my Wellington... My application has been declined and the worst part??? It was just the first stage of the entire application... Here I am... Devastated but not depressed, sorrow and emotional... I thought yesterday was emotional enough for me... What am I supposed to do now??? The thing that I looked forward to the most does not come true... The main reason why I want to be selected is merely because of the free flight and accommodation which I definitely could not afford at all... In other words, I have lost the opportunity to even thought of working at NZ... And yes I am still absolutely reluctant to go Singapore... I would prefer to venture other places out of Asia... So where else I can choose???

I can't think of anything right now... After all the readings and hype, it all goes down straight into the drain...



This could only mean that my prayers will never be heard by the God...

Sunday, April 2, 2017

Fumed Up!!!

Right now I am fuming up with anger and dissatisfaction, with a touch of embarrassment and extremely pissed off... That moment when you are blamed over something that you are not even responsible at the first place, plus I have contributed on getting the things but ended someone else did not take it seriously... I will sum up the story as below:

1. I bought lots of grapes
2. Someone took like 1/8 of the grapes only for some purpose
3. I get blamed for being stingy in front of all my family

That person that's blaming me might not have the intention to embarrass... Everyone else are being understandable and they don't really mind but to me, it is something that will forever engraved in my heart... Forever...



I hope this unpleasant moment can be exchanged with something I want as it is fine with me on bearing this shame... I would only like to ask for a favour, which is getting my Wellington thing successful :P

Saturday, April 1, 2017

Patience...

One week has passed, and I receive no acceptance or approval from them yet... I was eagerly waiting, hoping that they will get back to me on this week... Unfortunately, it doesn't seems to be... Gotta wait for another week and hopefully I will get some good news...

Moving on, I have watched Beauty & the Beast the day before yesterday... Love Emma Watson and the songs... Kinda nostalgic when watching it... My next movie should be Resident Evil Vendetta which is on May, followed by Kingsman: The Golden Circle which is around September...

Feel damn tired right now... Gotta sleep...



Good night world~~~

Saturday, March 25, 2017

End of March 2017...

Since I have applied for my Wellington, I am constantly waiting for the good news... I have submitted everything I am required to and now I am waiting for their approval... My feelings are currently jumbled up, difficult to explain it... I felt that I put a lot of effort and time on getting my biography + CV as interesting as possible and all I hope for is given a chance... It still seems to be a long way to go but I must do my best regardless of what it takes... The competition for this Wellington programme is real... Shit just got real... I can sense the joy and happiness whenever I passes a stage successfully... And that is all I hope for...



I have to endure and keep doing my best!!!

Thursday, March 23, 2017

I Can Do It!!!

Not just for New Zealand thingy but for my current task... I must get the functions working regardless of what... I know it can be done for sure, just need to know exactly how... I've been lacking behind and I really need to pick it up... It seems easy but it doesn't feels like though...

I've been reading on a lot of things about NZ recently and I found it amusing everytime I read it... From a weather that I might not get used to till the things I can do there, it all seems unreal... The best part that intrigue me the most??? Their annual salary can go between 80k to 100k NZD for my position... That is a whopping RM240k annually!!! Damn!!! It will be extremely lovely if they do really pay me that much but I told myself it might differ... So, regardless of how much I'm getting paid, janji it is higher than my current salary then it will always be an OK from me xD




I can do this for sure!!! Yes I do!!!!!!!!

Sunday, March 19, 2017

Struggling...

For the very first time, I'm struggling to get my tasks complete... I'm the type of people that will give up things easily if I can't do it for several times... What I need the most when I'm at this state is some help from professionals to guide me on how to do it... Why can't I get through it by myself??? It is hard whenever I think of it... When I'm not good with a thing, I will just purely give everything up... That's me... So now, what should I do???

So far, my Wellington thing is doing fine... My first stage final step is to upload my CV and Cover Letter... Once I have done that, I need to pass my first stage in order to proceed on with second stage, which is a video presentation... Not sure what is this video presentation about but every stage that I passes means I'm 1 step closer to my goal :D

I can't wait to see the results of my Wellington but at the same time, I am worried about my current tasks now...



I'm kinda depressed right now actually...

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

And Still Waiting...

Yup... It will be an endless post of my status on waiting until they notify me... Indeed I do sound desperate but I guess this is normal since I am really looking forward to it... Lolz... It is not easy lolz...

Back to something more personal... I felt like I am not concentrating or enthusiast on my current work... I mean, this Wellington thing really have a big impact on me as of now... Not easy to control myself not to think about it... At the same time, I am lacking behind on my work and I need to pick up faster... I want to finish it up but it is just too much obstacles... Is like I tend to slack off more as well recently... However, when it comes to tasks that I am familiar or good in, then I will be able to concentrate and being enthusiast on it... I find this funny as I should be more interested on new things and not old things...

I really hope that everything goes smoothly, especially for my Wellington as I can foresee that I will be extremely depressed if I failed to get selected... All I ever want is to experience working outside my comfort zone more...



So how ah???

Sunday, March 12, 2017

Uneasy...

Yes... I am still feeling nervous, strongly hoping that I can really get selected... Even though I am a little bit eased and glad when I received an email from them yesterday stating that they acknowledge my email and I can get to update my profile soon, somehow the doubts are pulling me away... Well, I told myself that this will be a chance to break my first step into the new world and I will definitely not giving this up... However, I couldn't help that the fact is there are a humongous amount of people applying for it as well... So far there are 150,000 applicants (as of 10th March) and 12,000 have updated their profile in the system... Is like selecting 100 out of 12,000 sounds crazy enough and by the time I have updated my profile and I got selected as one, it will be total miracle lolz...

I guess I can't take away my thoughts on this until the results are officially announced... All I can do is be prepared with eveything I need to prepare and do whatever I can to impress the employers... To be frank there are too many things going through my brain lately regarding this Wellington thing... Basically, I can't stop thinking about it... Everyday... Without fail...



This proves how desperate I am... Like seriously...

Saturday, March 11, 2017

Eager For Response...

I've been waiting for quite some time, hoping that I will receive at least some response from them... To be honest, even they reply me back with a message stating that they are currently full, at least I know I've lost all hope and move on... However, if they are not replying back at all, that feeling of hanging on the edge lingers... This feeling is killing me!!!

Anyway, all I can do is to follow the flow... Of course, if I am selected as one to join the trip (even I don't managed to get a job there), I will be happy enough :)
The reason is I want to show to my parents that I can do things all by myself, I am independent enough and they do not really need to worry about me at all...

If I managed to take a step forward on this, I can foresee where my future goes... It may not be an easy life, but if I am happy it with, it is all worth it :D



I am so desperate to spam their email notification just to get their attention lolz...

Thursday, March 9, 2017

Life's Getting Bumpy...

It has been a rough ride in my life recently... I would say it is kinda stressful and sometimes when things just doesn't work out well, it causes me to stuck on the point of not progressing... At this moment, I can only blame myself... To me, when I'm not achieving something even though it is just a minor thing, I feel bad... I won't say it makes me feel depressing but I am worry that if this state got prolonged, it can turn out to be one...

So far, I am glad to say that I am not depressed, which is good... Pressured from job are common but it is bad when I can't work things out accordingly...



However, the Wellington thing is still bugging me all the time... Please send me an email :'(

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

First Step To New Zealand...

Ok... I never expect the opportunity arrived for me this year... I did mention before that I would definitely try to find a way to work overseas (but not Singapore) if I ever have the chance... And it seems like the chance has arrived... To be frank, I'm unsure if I will even get the slightest chance to be selected for this LookSee Wellington program but hell yes I am so gonna do my best and give it a try... I do not want to miss any opportunities given...

New Zealand is a beautiful place... I may or may not get used to it but I am indeed someone that can adapt easily on every environment... I do not wish to say anything about this to my family unless I am really selected as the 1 out of 100 candidates for this program...

For a moment, I may sound desperate and maybe even asking for God's assistance to guarentee me this selection because I just want my parents to be happy... They kept asking me to find a job in Singapore but I never tell them about my dislike of Singapore though... Hence, NZ will be a great surprise to my parents since none of our family members is working at NZ now... And yes... I want to make my parents proud as well...

In the end, it sound kinda selfish of me since I will be leaving my parents here... At least they are still accompanied by my brother... I'm not sure if this is a good decision but my desire to work and being independent at somewhere not close to my family is definitely something I'm looking forward to all this time...

Regardless of what will happen in the future, all I gotta do is believe in myself and do what I can do to get what I want :)



I can do this!!!

Saturday, March 4, 2017

Koh Lipe #2!!!

I once said that I will try to post more pics... Here it is:

(Awesome turqoise water)

Come on... Who doesn't like a beautiful sunshine with such pretty water... To me, it is an absolute serene and peace which I won't get to enjoy in city center... If I'm working on an island, I would be the happiest worker in the world lolz...



I'm loving it!!!

Sunday, February 26, 2017

Devastated...

For a moment I told myself that it is OK if I do not win because I am just joining for fun... However, things turn sour when I got  a call and was notified that I could be the winner IF the original winner did not pick up the phone... I mean, you know how does that feel??? You are just 1 person away from winning... The worst is, you knew you can be the next winner, but you are not... I would really appreciate if they do not call me THAT early... They might just as well call me and tell me that I'm the winner ONCE they confirm the real winner did not reply their call... Why do you fool with my feelings??? It hurts... Really deep inside... Like I said, I would have prefer if you just not telling me anything and reveal the original winner once they announce...

I am speechless... Emotionless whenever I think about it... I do not know what to type further...



I have so much to type but it is making me sad... Sigh...

Saturday, February 11, 2017

Back From Koh Lipe...

I am absolutely enjoying my solo trip to Koh Lipe... It was fantastic and I love it... From enjoying the sun, sea, marine life to the food, Koh Lipe is definitely a perfect place for relaxing... The foods are great and there are quite a lot of things can be done there as well... The only thing I regret for not trying out is the Aloe Vera body massage... I think I will be going there again one day with friends or my family... I still missed out a few things...

The scenery was lovely... Serene and peaceful... The only bad thing I notice is the high population of people being there... Perhaps it was due to commercialised tourism spot...

Well... I will post picture by picture for this Koh Lipe trip of mine :)

(Sunset view from Pattaya Beach)



I should start planning my next solo island trip now :P

Wednesday, February 1, 2017

How My Days Goes...

CNY without gambling is not CNY... And yesterday, I never expect in my entire life that I can win so much money lolz... Guess that luck was really on my side yesterday... Gotta work hard to earn more :P

I almost forgot... Yesterday and today I will be working in the office ALONE because everybody is taking leave except me... Although my boss did ask me to work at home, I don't think I will ever get to do anything at home... Hence, I chose to come into the office alone... It was great ahahaha!!!

And as of today, 1st Feb 2017, petrol price has been increased... Seems like driving is not so reasonable anymore now... Gotta stick back to public transportation soon...

Basically I just summing up all the things happened for the last few days... I seriously can't wait for my Koh Lipe trip T_T



HUATTT AHHHHH~~~

Tuesday, January 31, 2017

As Of 31st Jan 2017...

I never do this before and I never consider doing this on my facebook or other social medias... However, I found out that my blog is the best place to do this because only me myself knows about it... I am not ashamed to let other people see it since I want to know how much I can progress from here onward and well, I do not want to keep this picture in my phone as well... Hopefully when I read back in few years later, I will still have this body shape intact to me ahahahaha!!!


This is me as of 1st Feb 2017... I wonder in a year time, how much I could have changed...



How long will this shape lasts lolz...

Sunday, January 29, 2017

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR 2017!!!

This year's CNY came earlier and well, it will always be the same... Long holidays, getting ang pows, enjoy some snacks and vegetarian foods, gambling, empty road, peaceful and serene... Something I'm longing for... But this year would be a little bit special as I will be going for a longer holiday after that... And guess what, I'm going to Koh Lipe!!!

I will guarantee lots of pictures in the blog for this solo trip of mine and I can't wait for it... I just need to work hard for a week and then I can relax and enjoy for the following week... The love and desire for beach is back to life again :)

Let me resume with my gaming session!!!



Dong Dong Chiang!!!

Saturday, January 21, 2017

Ok...

I just realise how important to constantly upload pictures into my blog... By browsing back, I noticed a lot of nostalgic memories which I felt so grateful and blessed to have friends and foods in my life... Hence, I am going to post a pic in this post:

(Taken on November 2016)



More pictures from now on xD

Good News...

I can't believe that the reveal was rather exciting... I would never expect such benefits and such good increment given by my boss... I will list it out as below:

1. Increment of 500... That is quite a lot compared to other companies which most of them increases by percentage rather than a fixed amount...
2. Yearly claim of 500 for buying mobile phones... I may not utilise this as I have a new phone for myself as of now but this can be use for other communication items...
3. Yearly claim of 500 for travelling... Well... This is seriously surprising... I can travel anywhere around the world and claim from the company for certain amount, which is nice... Plus I was planning for Koh Lipe and I could make good use of this...

As there are good things, there are something being pulled down as well such as:

1. Incentive is more difficult to earn but it will not be evaluated quarterly since it will become a yearly assessment...
2. Somehow yearly bonus amount is based on KPI (to be confirmed)... If the bonus is 2 months, you need to perform until certain percentage in KPI in order to get full 2 months of bonus...
3. The 500 yearly claim can only be claimed 3 months after the date of purchase as based on receipt (Wuddd???)

The first year in this new company was not bad at all... I would stay for another few years if it goes on to be good like this...



Now, I am waiting for CNY and after CNY would be my trip to Koh Lipe... Can't wait for it :D

Saturday, January 14, 2017

Preparing For Chinese New Year!!!

I am all ready for CNY!!! But the one I'm looking forward to the most is my bonus for last year :D
My boss told me that they will make an official announcement of the bonus this week and it includes some additional benefits to be introduced to us... Not sure how good it will be and I can only hope it is really beneficial for us employees...

Other than that, I bought 2 new perfumes out of the blue... I will give these 2 perfumes a try and see how it goes for a week... And these 2 perfumes are my very first item I bought in the year 2017 lolz...

Alright... Life goes on from now... And I really need to work hard on my workout -.-



Macam mana la nak bakar semua fat ni...

Saturday, January 7, 2017

Settling Down Slowly...

To be honest, I felt a lot more less depressing by having some money in my account... Perhaps I am not used to having low savings in my account which makes me feel absolutely insecure... Without a doubt, financial plays an extreme role in my life... Although I have extra commitment right now, but I am not worried as I have backup money in my account... Of course I can foresee a few more challenges ahead but I think I still can handle it... And as of now, I need to start saving for my new house's renovation which is in another close to 3 years...

Sadly to say, even I am less depressive lately but I don't get to enjoy my PS4 as much as I used to now... :'(



I need a private space just between me and my PS4...

Monday, January 2, 2017

HAPPY 2017!!!

Ok I may be late but better late than never:

HAPPY NEW YEAR OF 2017!!!

Well... After Christmas which is nothing much happening for me, New Year doesn't seems to be anywhere different... All I gotta say is this new year was sort of relaxing... Just playing games, resting, and had a lovely dinner with the family... Though I am serious about one thing which is the next 2 years, it will be a different Christmas & New Year for me... That is still a long way to go...And this end month will be Chinese New Year... Damn...



Once again, Happy New Year to everyone!!!