Pressured...

OK like seriously a lot of stuff had happened to me recently and it is not going in a good direction for me... I always try my best in my work/job but at certain times, I felt miserable when I did not achieve what I'm supposed to... Of course, I do get my jobs done in the end but there is still something that bugs me all the time...

I did post something about my current project which is related with insurance and I DEFINITELY dislike it a lot since the very first day of taking up the project... I can tell that I am not suitable for it and I even approach my boss and told him that I wanted to give up that time... Up until today, it was a little bit better off but it still gives me a lot of pressure whenever I work on it... It feels like I am being traumatised by this project for some reason and the fact that my boss will take even more project related with this in the future gives me an insecure feeling on what I can do or achieve in the next few years... Is true... This project earns a lot of money... By doing well, I will be rewarded equally as well but I am still unsure if the pressure is worth the money by now... 

Recently, I was told by my boss that I will be moved to another project which is exactly the same insurance thing that I have been doing... At first, I was interviewed together with my other colleague and I thought that at least there will be one companion to work with in this new project... And my first impression of the new project is we will start off from the beginning slowly and build up... The moment I started working on the project yesterday, I only realise one thing... Something that is so not favourable for me at all... It turns out that in this new project, I am the only one that will be joining and the worst part is, I was informed that this project had started half way and they are in the midst of rushing everything by end of this month which I feel it is a little ridiculous given that the work that needs to be done is still so much... I mean like seriously??? As if I am not enough pressured in doing this project and now you giving me more??? One thing I am glad is that the stuff I'm going to be involved in is something I am quite familiar with but whether it will turn out as expected after it is done, I am still skeptical about it...

Right now, I really do not know what to expect from this new project... It felt so familiar yet foreign to me... Since last year October, I was actually updating my resume and got quite a few calls from headhunters but none of them interest me at all... On the other hand, the one that I found which interest me does not want to hire me... I felt like my career path is being stagnant and no progression at all since I work on this insurance project... I don't see myself enjoy doing this project... Hopefully, I don't go insane over this...

So there goes my story... At some point, it does really give me some depression and demotivate me badly as well... Since I have not much choice as of now, I will just have to do what I can do and keep moving on...

So... What my life would be???