Good Vibes...

It has been some time and I started to feel--- Naturally good... Good in terms of vibes and even though I'm not saying that good things will definitely happen to me cause I do not want to give myself too much hopes as well, I just wish that there is a point of living forward in my life... Regardless of what it may be, staying happy and positive is always better...

On the other hand, my mom asked me a weird question today... She asked if I have a girlfriend or not... I really do not know how to answer her this everytime she asks me because I really do not have the guts to say "Mom I'm not marrying until I am at least 40"... I do not want to disappoint her as well but I am really not in the stage or mood to get married yet... Or maybe I might not even consider of marrying... Living a single, independent life is actually not as bad as it seems... I understand that all parents' dreams is to see their children getting married and at least get to play with their grandchildren... Perhaps my generations have a different mindset... Nevertheless, I still love my parents (excluding the part where they always argue when talks about money) :)



If I have a choice, I will go for winning the house with my best effort...

The New Beginning Or The Same...

Tomorrow, 1st of August marks the day of my new beginning or it remains the same... I don't know how to describe it but there are a lot of news which I shouldn't know today that results on this post...

How do I ever cope with these news??? It's like my depression will never goes off until something great happens to me... I have a very long story to type it out but I just don't feel like thinking about it anymore...



I'm not praying for great things to happen to me... But being REALLY happy rather than FAKE happy will definitely make me less depressing...

Differences...

Some people are rich but I'm aren't... Some can drink alcohol and still look cool but I can't... Some can enjoy life to the fullest but I'm not... Some can do something they really love but I will never get the chance to do it... Some had achieved part of their life goal but I'm still in the state of hanging on the edge... Some people are happy but I'm pretending to be happy from the outside...

When I'm compared to the others, I am still far away being better as them... When other people compares them with me, they think I am better than them... I am just an ordinary guy living in an ordinary world... Is it necessary to compare yourself with the others??? Or I am just being envious of the others???

When I achieve my life goal, I can ensure that my life will be a little bit different whether for better or worst... I am very sure... But the question remains...




When will that day comes??? I am so prepared for the changes in my life but when will it arrive???

What Is The Purpose Of My Life???

I envy guys that looks better than me... I envy guys that have better body shape than me... But I personally did not take the initiative to become better like them... I just prefer to linger in my own way... But still I envy them... Why does this bother me so much??? If I really wanna be hot like them, I must really take the initiative to achieve it...

Ask myself again, do I really really really have the initiative to do that??? Right now, my instinct still tells me: Fuck off xD

Ok this closes the case once and for all... Perhaps I will just continue to envy others... I will just keep my current look... Is better than ever :)



Just why am I this lazy~~~

Oh Well...

How can even a 25 years old dude have such mentality??? Doing things like leaving group when get slightly pissed off or failed to argue over something... The truth is, I'm still consider him as my friend because we are working under a same place... I mean if you wanna act like you are tough and able to handle everything all alone, go ahead... But once you start to bring your personal feelings to me, that's when you will see my other side... I'm sorry to say that I might look kind and lenient from the outside but once you mess up with me, I can assure you will forever be haunted with what I said or done to you... And yes, I can be fuxking harsh with my words :D

I don't really hate anyone right now by writing this message... Just that I never really express this side of me before and I would love to share it ;)

Kinda sleepy now... Time to turn off the lights... Nights :D



Red fonts at the end of my message... Why this habit???

Blogging From My Room...

Previously, I do not have the privilege to blog through my mobile as my wifi was not strong enough... But now it is different... When I'm bored, at least I can brag or express any shit right before I sleep... It feels like my life is partially complete... On a good side, it sounds like I will be more active in blogging from today onwards... I know nobody reads it but at least having myself reading back the old posts indeed brings back the memories to me... Either it is happy or sad or anger, I actually hope no other people will read it O.o

Nevertheless, life is still tough... It is slightly better and I really really really hope this month's increment will be something surprising... Even if it is close to what I expected, it will be suffice... And of course, working with people I'm comfortable with is actually the most important thing in working environment...



Hope that the good will never end... Not just for me but everyone else as well... Should my sacrifice worth it for the one that needs it more, may it be their guidance...

LOLZ...

I do question myself frequently: Is it normal for a guy to admire another guy??? Admire how they look and how cool they are somehow gets into me easily, making me want to get closer to them even more than ever (this applies to girls as well)... When I mean closer, is more to like hanging even more frequent or just wanted to do a whole load of things that are fun together... Perhaps all these just linked together as the way it seems...

Whatever I am thinking, it strictly falls into the friend's or colleague's group and not something beyond it...

I don't really know what I want to express... I guess I will just go to sleep...

For Once...

And here it comes again... The uncomfortable feeling that somehow gives me depression... Every time it happens, it makes me wanna leave my house... I just want to live in an environment which cuts out the "unhappy" moment... Is true that I can't avoid it but at least aren't there something I can do to stay away from other people's trouble???

One that easily get upset and one that does not speak before thinking... By having them staying under one roof, is just so hard to move on while you stays in the middle... I really do not know how to voice out... In fact, I just want to be alone more than ever now... Definitely it is not worthwhile to rent a house as I can stay/live for free... To be honest, I tend to understand why some people prefer to rent a house even they have a place to stay for free...

Deep in my heart, I still love them... But on the other hand, how much longer I can endure is another question... Having my thoughts written out is always better than keeping it to myself... Hopefully, I can see the day where my life will be like what I could imagine as a simple, lenient, yet straight forward...



I will push myself forward... I won't say I will strive for the best because I know I won't but I will do the best I can do to make my life easier from now on...