Quick Update~~~

I am backkkkkkkkk just for a quick update about my life...

As of my last post (July), my life was kinda hectic, mainly revolving on my work as I was moved to a new project since July... To be frank, for the last 3 months working in this project, it was getting more difficult as month goes by and as of today, I would say I am at the brink of resigning... Not sure how long I could endure further but I am pretty sure it won't last long if the situation does not get any better for me, which is my mental health xD

Due to my lifeless job, I had eventually stopped going to the gym for the past 2 months... Like, not even once a week I am hitting the weights... My work was so hectic to the extent that I do not even have a proper time for my meals and I literally ran out of energy to gym at night... In the end, I just spent my weekends to sleep... Nothing fancy with my life since then...

As for love, as usual, nothing good nor bad had happened... Managed to meet some new friends but perhaps I am just not in the state to be in relationship now... I hope but I knew I will never find a partner for the rest of my life HAHAHAHA~~~

Overall, I am doing OK currently but I am still trying to find my new purpose of life and probably when the time comes, I will take a long ass vacation all by myself to find a new life, which I don't know when :P

And here is a song that I would like to share after a long time... Enjoy :D

My Concerns Nowadays...

I realise that my motivation to workout is declining recently... Although not to the extent of skipping gym completely (I still gym 3 times a week), I find it difficult to get myself together and move my ass to the gym as frequent as I used to be...

One thing is, for the past 2 years where I put so much effort to workout, I don't see much progress at all and this is probably one of the reason that demotivates me... Another reason is probably because I got bored with my routine...

Honestly, there are a few things I felt that contributes to the demotivation but at the same time, I try not to think it that way cause it doesn't sounds right... For example, my body tend to be very tired all the time but whenever I push myself to gym with that tired body, eventually I don't feel that tired and sometimes I ended up not being able to sleep at night... At this point, I'm not sure what's going through within my body...

But nevertheless, is not that I feel completely unhealthy or bad... Apart from the tiredness, I'm still able to function well XD

Is this the sign of me aging rapidly??? LOL...

Love Is Not Meant For Me...

About the story where I had a good feeling with the guy I met recently??? Turns out, there will never be a happy ending for me in my love life... I should have expected it, like usual...

Apparently, I was hanging out with one of my friend and he knows him... He told me that he is a playboy (5 to 10 years back ago) and he has that "expensive" attitude which I realise it after awhile as well... I thought I was overthinking but it seems like it was partially true... He kept avoiding my questions about his interest in relationship and things became clearer as time goes by...

It was a hard one for me... It hurts me for sure cause I do fall in love easily... And thanks to my "fall out of love easily" as well, he doesn't mean much to me anymore...

Why does falling in love so hard??? Why does finding a soulmate this difficult??? Why???

Perhaps, I wasn't meant to be in love...

2nd Week...

2nd week of meeting him... I honestly want to meet him up more frequently because I really really really enjoy the time we spent together... It has been a long time since I have this love feelings... The more I think about him, the more I want to meet him... However, the more I tried to message him, the distance seems further when he never reply me... There are still a lot of things I wanna learn about him, hence my urge to meeting him up more seems reasonable... I have a lot of questions to ask... I have a lot of feelings to express... I have a lot of doubts to be cleared... The more I fell for him, the more hurtful as time goes by without knowing what he truly feels about me...

OK Joey... Stop overthinking stuff for now... When time comes, embrace yourself and ask the right question... Plus, this is quite new for him so it might take some time for him to digest as well... Plan something, spend more good times together, and enjoy the process...

THIS FEELING IS REALLY KILLING ME!!!!!

Quick Update!!!

The reason why I am posting this is because I might have found my soulmate... Although it is just a start and there are more things to learn about each other, but the feelings we had for each other somehow matches in a good way... Looking forward to more outings with him :D

Meanwhile, it has been a long time since I share any songs (because this post is too short so I am embedding a video to make it longer HAHAHAHA) and this is one of my top favourite since the song was released:

Hope everyone is having their happy days ahead :)

SELAMAT HARI RAYA!!!

I can't think of what title to put for this post, and since today is Hari Raya, it matches with my previous post which is Chinese New Year xD

It has been quite some time since I posted anything because nothing much happened except bad luck since 1st of April... It wasn't anything severe but it still does affect my mood a little... Guess this holiday is a good time for me to unwind and relax :D

I have some plans ahead for this month and the one I am looking forward to the most is perming my hair... I really really hope it turns out well :')

Apart from my hair, I am eagerly waiting for my increment and bonus by end of this month xD

Signing off for now... Hope to be more active with my blog again HAHAHAHA!!!

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!!

It has been a month since my last post and, we had enter our lovely year of Dragon (since last Saturday)... As we get older, Chinese New Year (CNY) feels less exciting but for those who are still unmarried like me, we get to enjoy some extra pocket money... Thankfully, my relatives never pester me about my love life much they still ask about it once every year... To me, I always give them a straight forward answer, which is I don't have a girlfriend and have not found one yet... If I am meant to be loved or found love, it will come eventually... I can't force myself to love someone who doesn't love me... Perhaps, my entire life was not meant to have a partner...

Since the start of the new year (both Western and Chinese), I feel the same as last year... Normal luck, down but not depressed life, slight loneliness, empty but not lost, and neither happy nor sad... Thank goodness I am still doing well in my work and I would say the least, I am still enjoying my job...

There aren't much update as I have been going slow with my life... I rarely meet new people and rarely engage in anything as well... All I ever wanted is just to let time passes by... I wanted to go for a vacation but I have nobody to go with, nor I have the money to do so... Therefore, I guess I will just go with the flow...

Frankly speaking, I am not so motivated in anything now... I rarely gym due to my work location and I will need to reschedule everything to fit in my workout routine... However, one thing for sure, I will never stop going to gym... I might take a break, but never completely stop it once I started it 😆

OK that's all for me today... Wishing everyone a healthy and wealthy year of Dragon!!!



HAPPY DONG DONG CHIANGGG!!!

Weakening...

Recently I realise that my body has weakened a lot, like I get tired easily and feeling lethargic most of the time even if I get enough sleep... I'm not sure what causes it because I somehow changed my lifestyle by eating oats instead of eggs for my breakfast, workout lesser compared to how I used to be and I even cut down on my lunch (eating bread only)... I've been doing this since last year November... The diet changes has the biggest impact for me when I started but it goes better after a month... Since then, my body tend to feel tired and lethargic at certain hour of the day like around 2pm and 5pm... However, when I workout, I feel damn energetic 😅

One thing I suspected is I might be having Covid but the symptoms are not severe to the extent of fever, cough or sorethroat... Or probably is just some Influenza A or B that wears me down like this... I can't really say much because apart from lethargic, I have no other severe symptoms to lead me to visit the doctor... But since this has been ongoing for almost few days, I might consider getting an influenza test from the clinic (when I need to work in the office 😂) in next few days if it still persists...

In a sense, my health is deteriorating but not in a very bad way... Thankfully, I only feel tired since the frequent changes in my diet (or maybe because of my work stress)... Still, I need to closely monitor in order for me to get back on my physically active path... 

Since bulking doesn't progress much, then I try cutting now xD

HAPPY NEW YEAR OF 2024!!!

I never bother to make resolution every year because I know it will never come true for me... I'm not trying to be salty or emo but deep inside me, something tells me that I will never deserve such happiness... Seeing people celebrate their New Year's Eve at home, eating and playing things they love, indicates that they are having a lovely day to end 2023... Meanwhile for me, I just laid on my bed and getting ready to sleep LOL...

2023 was definitely a better year than 2022 for me... But still, I felt that I had struggled a lot last year as well... New experiences was definitely enlightening... Heartbreaking stuff that I wish to forget, probably will still linger for a longer while... At least, I don't find it difficult to go through it xD

One thing that concerns me the most is my absent from travelling/vacation... For the last 3 years, the furthest that I had gone to is Johor Bahru... I mean, is not that bad but I was hoping to make good use of my passport xD

I would really love to enjoy some sun and sea water as island trips are my favourite... Or maybe, beach resorts will be fine as long as there are sea water close to me :3

My love life for 2023 was kind of rough for me, which is due to my Syphilis... I never enjoy sex as much as I did for the last 2 years and this could contribute to my love life a little... Meeting few soulmates but unable to satisfy their desires was the harshest moment cause for me, physical intimacy is my love language... I tried my best to overcome it but things doesn't get any better... At least, I can confidently say that I am fully recovered from Syphilis and I am slowly regaining my confidence back now :P

As for my business, we practically lost a lot of hope since we failed to get any more sources... The one we consulted from France wasn't up to our expectation and this is definitely a bummer for us... We realise that it wasn't that easy to run a perfume business and there are still a lot of things we need to do in order to make this business become a reality... I won't say I had give up, but surely I will find my way through as time goes by...

Related to my fitness journey, I find it extremely difficult for me progress... It felt like I have reached a certain limit hence I've decided to change my fitness routine overall by cutting drastically... I saw changes as I am cutting for the last 3 months, better than trying to bulk myself... I might continue with this for another 3 months and see how much changes I can go through...

To sum up my 2023, it was not that bad, but never good either... Slightly better than 2022 and with some extra twist... As I said, I won't wish for anything cause it will just never come true for me...

NEVERTHELESS, HAVE A HAPPY NEW YEAR OF 2024 EVERYONE~~~

Happiest News...

A lot of things had happened throughout these few months since my last post but one thing I would definitely love to highlight is my recovery of Syphilis... I posted about this before and since the day I got infected with Syphilis, I was having the hardest time through it... And as of 10th November 2023, the result of my most recent Syphilis test indicates that I am completely clear of the bacteria (although the antibody will remain forever in my body)... It is the happiest thing I have ever experience for this year to be honest... Guess this is a Christmas gift for me??? Hahahaha xD

One of my biggest burden had finally resolved... I guess I can live a happier life from now on :D



Wishing everyone to be healthy and lead a happier life as well :)

Hectic Life...

Well I am back again~~~

But this time, I have nothing much to update because for the last 1 whole month of inactiveness, I was completely busy with my job... However, there is one thing that I am keen on updating...

In my last two post, I mentioned about Guy A and Guy B... Last month, I met a new guy (let's call him Guy C) which I find him the most interesting among all the guys I knew... I do not want to go too detail about him yet cause I barely able to feel his true feelings toward me... To avoid repeating the same mistake, I won't invest too much of my effort and time if I start to feel him being distant away from me...

Guy C is a singer and hell yes he does have a very beautiful voice... I kinda like his vibe but because of this vibe of his, it is very difficult for me to know if he is actually interested on me... I attempted to get his attention most of the time but he does not respond much to it, which is something I will do when I am not very interested with that person... Therefore, is very hard for me to consider that as "interested" eventually...

I will stop at this point because the more I dwell into him, the more hurtful it is for me to realise the time I spent with him is meaningless for him... I will just goes with the flow for now, which is without a doubt, nothing fruitful... It would be a miracle if it really happens...

What is Love???

Update #2437689127619283

There are so many things I wanted to type but it will be one hell of a long post (thanks for being inactive xD)... In fact, there are so many things I do not know how to summarise it which I will prefer to post it as a full separate story in the future... But for now, I will just update those that are shorter and easier to be typed...

1. Feels like my body is aging rapidly... Tend to feel tired quickly, especially after working out... And probably due to job stress, I feel like it is further affecting my energy... But I am still able to perform my daily activities without any problem... Maybe I need to start taking supplements back...

2. Went to Kakiku sauna early this month... Went there for the sake of trying out the dungeon... Smaller than before, but still a good place to hang out xD

3. Seeing gains recently... Kinda happy with the progress as I gained 2kg... Better than being stagnant at the same weight HAHAHA!!!

4. Try out a new protein powder from Lushprotein... The whey was OK and tried their plant protein because it is cholesterol free... The taste is definitely not my type of taste but at least still can swallow laaaa...

Ok that's all for today XD

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKK~~~

What Is Love???

So after that previous incident, which kinda affected me but given that I can recover very fast, I am all good for now... On the other hand, I came to another problem which I really do not know what to do this time... This is how the story goes...

So I knew this guy (Guy A) for almost 3 months but we never meet until recently... Initially, I only thought he wasn't that interested in me so I never bother proceed with going after him because I am the type of person who evaluate someone on how much they text me... The more the person bother texting me, means they have more interested with me and that is what I usually do when I like that person as well... As we finally met this week, I do find that we do get along well together in terms of conversations and interest... Compared to before we met, now he seems to be more interested in engaging me with some text rather than I am the one texting him first, which is a good sign...

Unfortunately, here comes the challenge... Early this month, I met a new guy (Guy B) which happens to go to the same gym and I started to getting close with him... He does treat me very nicely and even bought me some stuff from his hometown, and we only met twice before he went back his hometown... He does really care for me and who doesn't love to be treated like that??? The thing is, the feelings I have for him is NOT strong enough to be love... I enjoy the times with him so far (meals and gym only) but I could not force myself to love him yet cause I know he is not the person I imagined to be my lifetime partner... 

In this case, my feelings of love is still toward Guy A... However, I really do not want to disappoint Guy B cause I can see very clearly he is deeply in love with me... Should I continue with what we are doing with Guy B (without love feelings) but at the same time further develope my feelings with Guy A???

Frankly speaking, I do have an answer on what I should do but I would like to get some opinion this time cause my decision is quite cruel which is better for me and Guy B...

I am definitely a sucker for nice guy...

Devastated...

Continue with the story about the guy last week... He left me a message on Saturday midnight (I was asleep and read it the next morning), saying that he doesn't want to give me hope to progress our relationship... The reason he gave was because he is seeing another person already... The moment I read it, I have so many questions about his personality... I wanted to throw him thousands of questions but the fact that he never even reply my 1 question that I sent since last Sunday, there is no point for me to further pursue the answer... Here are the questions that I wanted to ask him, maybe will or never:

1. If you are seeing someone already, why do you bother staying at my place for a night???

2. Why do you bother being so extremely nice to me on our first day of meeting by buying me snacks and fruits???
3. Why you bother being so affectionate with me when we are together???

4. Why you bother being so physically intimate with me when we are together???
5. Why did you kiss me after I fetched you back home???

Whatever that had happened between us, it meant so much and real to me... But at one point, I recall you telling me that not to miss you before you walk away and I should have realise that hint...

I'm not sure if he is being honest with seeing someone, but I would prefer if he lied to me by saying he don't felt the chemistry with me, which would have hurt lesser to me... I have yet to seek the truth out of him but if I have the chance, I will when time comes... But will I ever see him again??? The answer would be a definitely no cause it gave me sleepless nights and heartbreaks...

Falling in love this easily is definitely not a good thing :'(

Uncertainty...

OK I have a story which kinda saddened me a little... To keep it short, this is what had happened...

So I chat with this guy 2 weeks ago and things were going well... We decided to add each other Telegram and continue our conversation until I request for a meetup... Since he has the same personality as me, he prefer to meet me up following week as he say he wasn't ready... I agreed to it and we eventually meet up on the agreed date and he stayed over for a night at my place... Everything was great and to me, I really felt so much feelings with him around... He brought so many stuff for me even just for one night visit... Until the next night, after our dinner, I fetched him back and it felt so surreal to have someone that I dearly love...

This feeling changes after the following day... He rarely reply messaged as he used to be... Although he does reply later on with an apology, the feeling just hits differently... We never failed to wish each other good morning and good night everyday before we met but since then, he never wish me back... Then as of today, I understand he was busy trying to pack and preparing himself for a trip tomorrow... Hence, I tried to ask him to meet up for dinner because I just want to see him once again before he go for a long holiday but he declined... Like I said, I am not disappointed, just that I felt a little uncomfortable with this feelings of mine hanging at the edge... Am I overthinking??? What is this feeling??? What am I supposed to do??? Did I gave myself too much hope for this love to grow???

Should I keep going on with this or give it up???

April Updates!!!

I just realise that I did not update my blog for a month plus... Quite a lot of things happened in the month of April and I am gonna summarise all of it in point form...

Work

My new job is practically my dream job, without the travelling (but possibly could)... It has the cool chilling work vibe where I don't need to rush my work because we have too many resources to work on one project, and most importantly, I can learn new things within my pace... The staff are extremely friendly and helpful which I could not ask for more... There are literally no stress working in this company so far...

Love

I broke up with my partner last month... There are too much incompatibility between us and it doesn't work out after a month together... I'm pretty sure the root cause is from me hence I promised myself I should work on myself more in a relationship...

Honesty

Truth hurts... I learnt this valuable lesson and this is what they meant by "It hurts to do the right thing"... So what happened is I met this guy (after my break up) and we were having a great conversation... I thought everything will turn out great where I can meet up with him until the moment I revealed my STD results to him... I had received treatment and I am considered cured but the virus will still remain in my body, which I told him honestly... The next day, he completely cuts off any communication with me and he never reply me after I asked him if he still interested to have a meal meet up only... Frankly speaking, I really like him but I'm glad we never meet in the end cause I got a feeling I will love him even more after meeting... Although I hope he will reply me back someday :')

Games

OK I swear to God there are so many new games for me to play and I don't even have enough time to play... PS5 and PC... Now my focus is on PC because I have 2 new games to play -.-

Gym

I was slacking a lot last month and I promised myself that I MUST GO TO GYM MORE FREQUENTLY STARTING FROM THIS MONTH!!! Surprisingly, I weighted myself last month and I noticed my weight increased by 1.5kg... I wonder if this is because I did not workout much??? LOL...

Business

This one, hardly gonna happen... The perfume sample we got from the perfumery shop in France does not smells like what we wanted... I guess the best option we have now is to consult the person I made my perfume with and find a way to make him spill out where he get his perfume oils...

That's all for last month updates..

Wishing everyone to stay healthy and happy as always!!! Gotta go now xD

March Update!!!

OK a lot had happened since my last post of February and I am so excited to share it out now... I would say this month is the most grateful month for me and I can never ask anything more than this...

One, of course, is my new job... I am so glad and happy that I didn't get the Singapore job and got this instead... Cause if I really got the Singapore job, my life would have been different (and maybe slightly hectic?)... Working in my own country, staying at my own home is still the best thing ever... This new job immediately offered me an employment letter the next day after the interview... And after working in this company for 3 weeks, there are so much for me to learn and the best thing is, all the colleagues are very willing to help and assist each other... Working here does not feel stress at all for some reason... I can foresee that I will stay in this company for quite some time...

Second, which was quite unexpected for me also, is that I am officially dating someone 😁

It was a very slow going type of relationship but it is progressing very well so far... We meet each other very frequently and I slept at his house a few times... Everything feels good and hopefully one day, we can move in together in a house and stay together for the rest of our lives...

Even that my partner is having a rough time now, I will try my best to guide and go through with him so that he do not have to carry all the burden by himself...

We can do it together!!!

Break Over...

I was on a job break for more than 2 months half and I'm going to start my new job soon... The reason why I want to work is because I need money for the commitments I am having xD

I've been through 4 job interviews and Estee Lauder Company was the company I wanted to join the most... Unfortunately, I was not selected... Another one was from a Singapore company but I applied for the wrong position, which I did regret a little but at the same time, not bothered by it that much... If they want me, they will contact me again isn't it??? Lol...

There are so much things waiting for me ahead and I felt that my responsibility is getting bigger as time goes by... It will be a rough and challenging period but as long as I know what I want to do, I believe it will give me a wonderful experience in life...

Need to experience as much as I can before I get too old >.<

Annoyed #2

OK I know I just posted something like not long ago but something unfavourable occurs to me in the same day... I don't always complain but this one really needs to be highlighted...

So yesterday (2nd Feb), I did an online interview and everything went well for me... I am confident as usual during the online interview, meanwhile the interviewer is quite carefree, which I don't mind... After the interview ends, the interviewer drops me a massage in WhatsApp cause he say is for easy communication... But everything starts to become weird when he message me the next thing, which is do I workout???

To simplified this, our conversation is purely about our physical bodies... We shared some arms pictures (he is totally obssessed with arm wrestling) and talk about fitness, to an extent where we ended up meeting at the interviewer's condo for a workout... The way he looks at me feels like he have interest on my body (I can tell clearly) and he was a little bit reluctant or shy which I understand... After a short workout, we ended up arm wrestling with each other... Just to add, during the workout, he has the tendency to touch my arms (he obviously love big arms) and while we were resting from arm wrestling, he loves to move his chest for no reason... To me, that is an obvious sign of seduction... He tend to stare at my arm and chest most of the time... I really do not know what is his intention during my whole time being there, but for me, I was hoping that I have a chance to know him better since he is quite cute and good looking...

After I reached home, everything went downhill when I was trying to joke with him that I may not be able to pin his arm down (from arm wrestling), but I definitely can pin him on the bed... I purposely say that just to test him out to see if he is really interested on me and based on the reply, he is being obvious when he deleted a message and reply that he is only interested in arm wrestling...

I showed my true side and if he is not interested, I am OK with it... However, he is very persistent in chatting with me as if wanting to get close to me... For what reason, I really have no idea at this point... And the worst thing is, the interview was yesterday and today morning (around 10am), I received his email that I did not pass the screening test... Is this even normal for a HR to filter the candidates this fast??? Don't they need at least 2 or 3 days instead of less than a day??? By this, I questioned myself a little, did he failed me because I show my true self??? And since you are the one that wants to chat with me so badly, shouldn't he message me and tell me that I did not pass it???

Honestly, I find this a little bit ridiculous... I may be overthinking but failing on the screening stage in less than 24 hours??? I really could not accept this logic... Right now, I have no idea what he is even thinking about, and more importantly is, I should take a step back away from him since everything does not sums up correctly...

Seems like the jobs that I want can never be mine...

Annoyed...

Since I am unemployed for like almost 2 months, I realise that I don't really have much freedom as compared to I was working... The reason is every day, either my mom or dad will call me, asking me for something... My dad will always call and ask me some minor stuff, which is still OK while my mom is the most annoying one (Yes I know I am mean but she is taking this too far)... I am OK if she ask me to fetch her somewhere once in a while... She could have list down what she wanted to buy for that 1 day and buy everything but NO... That's not what she want... She will call me to fetch her buy 1 thing today, then the next day she will ask me to fetch her again to buy another thing, and the same thing repeats for the following days... Basically, not even one day I am free from her... I find this very exhausting when she keeps bugging me all the time... Every single things I wanna do, she will ask me such as where I'll be going if I am not free to fetch her that day or something... It really pisses me off a lot...

I don't hate them... I don't dislike them... But please, I am an adult... Give me the freedom of a grown up...

Sometimes, I have to be mean to them so that they don't expect too much of me...