Happiest News...

A lot of things had happened throughout these few months since my last post but one thing I would definitely love to highlight is my recovery of Syphilis... I posted about this before and since the day I got infected with Syphilis, I was having the hardest time through it... And as of 10th November 2023, the result of my most recent Syphilis test indicates that I am completely clear of the bacteria (although the antibody will remain forever in my body)... It is the happiest thing I have ever experience for this year to be honest... Guess this is a Christmas gift for me??? Hahahaha xD

One of my biggest burden had finally resolved... I guess I can live a happier life from now on :D



Wishing everyone to be healthy and lead a happier life as well :)

Hectic Life...

Well I am back again~~~

But this time, I have nothing much to update because for the last 1 whole month of inactiveness, I was completely busy with my job... However, there is one thing that I am keen on updating...

In my last two post, I mentioned about Guy A and Guy B... Last month, I met a new guy (let's call him Guy C) which I find him the most interesting among all the guys I knew... I do not want to go too detail about him yet cause I barely able to feel his true feelings toward me... To avoid repeating the same mistake, I won't invest too much of my effort and time if I start to feel him being distant away from me...

Guy C is a singer and hell yes he does have a very beautiful voice... I kinda like his vibe but because of this vibe of his, it is very difficult for me to know if he is actually interested on me... I attempted to get his attention most of the time but he does not respond much to it, which is something I will do when I am not very interested with that person... Therefore, is very hard for me to consider that as "interested" eventually...

I will stop at this point because the more I dwell into him, the more hurtful it is for me to realise the time I spent with him is meaningless for him... I will just goes with the flow for now, which is without a doubt, nothing fruitful... It would be a miracle if it really happens...

What is Love???

Update #2437689127619283

There are so many things I wanted to type but it will be one hell of a long post (thanks for being inactive xD)... In fact, there are so many things I do not know how to summarise it which I will prefer to post it as a full separate story in the future... But for now, I will just update those that are shorter and easier to be typed...

1. Feels like my body is aging rapidly... Tend to feel tired quickly, especially after working out... And probably due to job stress, I feel like it is further affecting my energy... But I am still able to perform my daily activities without any problem... Maybe I need to start taking supplements back...

2. Went to Kakiku sauna early this month... Went there for the sake of trying out the dungeon... Smaller than before, but still a good place to hang out xD

3. Seeing gains recently... Kinda happy with the progress as I gained 2kg... Better than being stagnant at the same weight HAHAHA!!!

4. Try out a new protein powder from Lushprotein... The whey was OK and tried their plant protein because it is cholesterol free... The taste is definitely not my type of taste but at least still can swallow laaaa...

Ok that's all for today XD

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKK~~~

What Is Love???

So after that previous incident, which kinda affected me but given that I can recover very fast, I am all good for now... On the other hand, I came to another problem which I really do not know what to do this time... This is how the story goes...

So I knew this guy (Guy A) for almost 3 months but we never meet until recently... Initially, I only thought he wasn't that interested in me so I never bother proceed with going after him because I am the type of person who evaluate someone on how much they text me... The more the person bother texting me, means they have more interested with me and that is what I usually do when I like that person as well... As we finally met this week, I do find that we do get along well together in terms of conversations and interest... Compared to before we met, now he seems to be more interested in engaging me with some text rather than I am the one texting him first, which is a good sign...

Unfortunately, here comes the challenge... Early this month, I met a new guy (Guy B) which happens to go to the same gym and I started to getting close with him... He does treat me very nicely and even bought me some stuff from his hometown, and we only met twice before he went back his hometown... He does really care for me and who doesn't love to be treated like that??? The thing is, the feelings I have for him is NOT strong enough to be love... I enjoy the times with him so far (meals and gym only) but I could not force myself to love him yet cause I know he is not the person I imagined to be my lifetime partner... 

In this case, my feelings of love is still toward Guy A... However, I really do not want to disappoint Guy B cause I can see very clearly he is deeply in love with me... Should I continue with what we are doing with Guy B (without love feelings) but at the same time further develope my feelings with Guy A???

Frankly speaking, I do have an answer on what I should do but I would like to get some opinion this time cause my decision is quite cruel which is better for me and Guy B...

I am definitely a sucker for nice guy...

Devastated...

Continue with the story about the guy last week... He left me a message on Saturday midnight (I was asleep and read it the next morning), saying that he doesn't want to give me hope to progress our relationship... The reason he gave was because he is seeing another person already... The moment I read it, I have so many questions about his personality... I wanted to throw him thousands of questions but the fact that he never even reply my 1 question that I sent since last Sunday, there is no point for me to further pursue the answer... Here are the questions that I wanted to ask him, maybe will or never:

1. If you are seeing someone already, why do you bother staying at my place for a night???

2. Why do you bother being so extremely nice to me on our first day of meeting by buying me snacks and fruits???
3. Why you bother being so affectionate with me when we are together???

4. Why you bother being so physically intimate with me when we are together???
5. Why did you kiss me after I fetched you back home???

Whatever that had happened between us, it meant so much and real to me... But at one point, I recall you telling me that not to miss you before you walk away and I should have realise that hint...

I'm not sure if he is being honest with seeing someone, but I would prefer if he lied to me by saying he don't felt the chemistry with me, which would have hurt lesser to me... I have yet to seek the truth out of him but if I have the chance, I will when time comes... But will I ever see him again??? The answer would be a definitely no cause it gave me sleepless nights and heartbreaks...

Falling in love this easily is definitely not a good thing :'(

Uncertainty...

OK I have a story which kinda saddened me a little... To keep it short, this is what had happened...

So I chat with this guy 2 weeks ago and things were going well... We decided to add each other Telegram and continue our conversation until I request for a meetup... Since he has the same personality as me, he prefer to meet me up following week as he say he wasn't ready... I agreed to it and we eventually meet up on the agreed date and he stayed over for a night at my place... Everything was great and to me, I really felt so much feelings with him around... He brought so many stuff for me even just for one night visit... Until the next night, after our dinner, I fetched him back and it felt so surreal to have someone that I dearly love...

This feeling changes after the following day... He rarely reply messaged as he used to be... Although he does reply later on with an apology, the feeling just hits differently... We never failed to wish each other good morning and good night everyday before we met but since then, he never wish me back... Then as of today, I understand he was busy trying to pack and preparing himself for a trip tomorrow... Hence, I tried to ask him to meet up for dinner because I just want to see him once again before he go for a long holiday but he declined... Like I said, I am not disappointed, just that I felt a little uncomfortable with this feelings of mine hanging at the edge... Am I overthinking??? What is this feeling??? What am I supposed to do??? Did I gave myself too much hope for this love to grow???

Should I keep going on with this or give it up???

April Updates!!!

I just realise that I did not update my blog for a month plus... Quite a lot of things happened in the month of April and I am gonna summarise all of it in point form...

Work

My new job is practically my dream job, without the travelling (but possibly could)... It has the cool chilling work vibe where I don't need to rush my work because we have too many resources to work on one project, and most importantly, I can learn new things within my pace... The staff are extremely friendly and helpful which I could not ask for more... There are literally no stress working in this company so far...

Love

I broke up with my partner last month... There are too much incompatibility between us and it doesn't work out after a month together... I'm pretty sure the root cause is from me hence I promised myself I should work on myself more in a relationship...

Honesty

Truth hurts... I learnt this valuable lesson and this is what they meant by "It hurts to do the right thing"... So what happened is I met this guy (after my break up) and we were having a great conversation... I thought everything will turn out great where I can meet up with him until the moment I revealed my STD results to him... I had received treatment and I am considered cured but the virus will still remain in my body, which I told him honestly... The next day, he completely cuts off any communication with me and he never reply me after I asked him if he still interested to have a meal meet up only... Frankly speaking, I really like him but I'm glad we never meet in the end cause I got a feeling I will love him even more after meeting... Although I hope he will reply me back someday :')

Games

OK I swear to God there are so many new games for me to play and I don't even have enough time to play... PS5 and PC... Now my focus is on PC because I have 2 new games to play -.-

Gym

I was slacking a lot last month and I promised myself that I MUST GO TO GYM MORE FREQUENTLY STARTING FROM THIS MONTH!!! Surprisingly, I weighted myself last month and I noticed my weight increased by 1.5kg... I wonder if this is because I did not workout much??? LOL...

Business

This one, hardly gonna happen... The perfume sample we got from the perfumery shop in France does not smells like what we wanted... I guess the best option we have now is to consult the person I made my perfume with and find a way to make him spill out where he get his perfume oils...

That's all for last month updates..

Wishing everyone to stay healthy and happy as always!!! Gotta go now xD

March Update!!!

OK a lot had happened since my last post of February and I am so excited to share it out now... I would say this month is the most grateful month for me and I can never ask anything more than this...

One, of course, is my new job... I am so glad and happy that I didn't get the Singapore job and got this instead... Cause if I really got the Singapore job, my life would have been different (and maybe slightly hectic?)... Working in my own country, staying at my own home is still the best thing ever... This new job immediately offered me an employment letter the next day after the interview... And after working in this company for 3 weeks, there are so much for me to learn and the best thing is, all the colleagues are very willing to help and assist each other... Working here does not feel stress at all for some reason... I can foresee that I will stay in this company for quite some time...

Second, which was quite unexpected for me also, is that I am officially dating someone 😁

It was a very slow going type of relationship but it is progressing very well so far... We meet each other very frequently and I slept at his house a few times... Everything feels good and hopefully one day, we can move in together in a house and stay together for the rest of our lives...

Even that my partner is having a rough time now, I will try my best to guide and go through with him so that he do not have to carry all the burden by himself...

We can do it together!!!

Break Over...

I was on a job break for more than 2 months half and I'm going to start my new job soon... The reason why I want to work is because I need money for the commitments I am having xD

I've been through 4 job interviews and Estee Lauder Company was the company I wanted to join the most... Unfortunately, I was not selected... Another one was from a Singapore company but I applied for the wrong position, which I did regret a little but at the same time, not bothered by it that much... If they want me, they will contact me again isn't it??? Lol...

There are so much things waiting for me ahead and I felt that my responsibility is getting bigger as time goes by... It will be a rough and challenging period but as long as I know what I want to do, I believe it will give me a wonderful experience in life...

Need to experience as much as I can before I get too old >.<

Annoyed #2

OK I know I just posted something like not long ago but something unfavourable occurs to me in the same day... I don't always complain but this one really needs to be highlighted...

So yesterday (2nd Feb), I did an online interview and everything went well for me... I am confident as usual during the online interview, meanwhile the interviewer is quite carefree, which I don't mind... After the interview ends, the interviewer drops me a massage in WhatsApp cause he say is for easy communication... But everything starts to become weird when he message me the next thing, which is do I workout???

To simplified this, our conversation is purely about our physical bodies... We shared some arms pictures (he is totally obssessed with arm wrestling) and talk about fitness, to an extent where we ended up meeting at the interviewer's condo for a workout... The way he looks at me feels like he have interest on my body (I can tell clearly) and he was a little bit reluctant or shy which I understand... After a short workout, we ended up arm wrestling with each other... Just to add, during the workout, he has the tendency to touch my arms (he obviously love big arms) and while we were resting from arm wrestling, he loves to move his chest for no reason... To me, that is an obvious sign of seduction... He tend to stare at my arm and chest most of the time... I really do not know what is his intention during my whole time being there, but for me, I was hoping that I have a chance to know him better since he is quite cute and good looking...

After I reached home, everything went downhill when I was trying to joke with him that I may not be able to pin his arm down (from arm wrestling), but I definitely can pin him on the bed... I purposely say that just to test him out to see if he is really interested on me and based on the reply, he is being obvious when he deleted a message and reply that he is only interested in arm wrestling...

I showed my true side and if he is not interested, I am OK with it... However, he is very persistent in chatting with me as if wanting to get close to me... For what reason, I really have no idea at this point... And the worst thing is, the interview was yesterday and today morning (around 10am), I received his email that I did not pass the screening test... Is this even normal for a HR to filter the candidates this fast??? Don't they need at least 2 or 3 days instead of less than a day??? By this, I questioned myself a little, did he failed me because I show my true self??? And since you are the one that wants to chat with me so badly, shouldn't he message me and tell me that I did not pass it???

Honestly, I find this a little bit ridiculous... I may be overthinking but failing on the screening stage in less than 24 hours??? I really could not accept this logic... Right now, I have no idea what he is even thinking about, and more importantly is, I should take a step back away from him since everything does not sums up correctly...

Seems like the jobs that I want can never be mine...

Annoyed...

Since I am unemployed for like almost 2 months, I realise that I don't really have much freedom as compared to I was working... The reason is every day, either my mom or dad will call me, asking me for something... My dad will always call and ask me some minor stuff, which is still OK while my mom is the most annoying one (Yes I know I am mean but she is taking this too far)... I am OK if she ask me to fetch her somewhere once in a while... She could have list down what she wanted to buy for that 1 day and buy everything but NO... That's not what she want... She will call me to fetch her buy 1 thing today, then the next day she will ask me to fetch her again to buy another thing, and the same thing repeats for the following days... Basically, not even one day I am free from her... I find this very exhausting when she keeps bugging me all the time... Every single things I wanna do, she will ask me such as where I'll be going if I am not free to fetch her that day or something... It really pisses me off a lot...

I don't hate them... I don't dislike them... But please, I am an adult... Give me the freedom of a grown up...

Sometimes, I have to be mean to them so that they don't expect too much of me...

:/

I really have nothing much to talk about in this post but there is something that has been bugging me for quite some time... Why is is so difficult to find a soulmate??? Why??? I started to feel exhausted in finding one... None of it was fruitful and anyone that I set my eyes on will never belongs to me... Why???

Should I just give up and stay single forever???

What should I do???

Plans Ahead...

It marks 1 month of me not working since I resigned... I really enjoyed the moment I had while I was not working, busy with settling most of my personal stuff and even explore my perfumery stuff... It feels more satisfying when the things I wanted to do or achieve for the last 1 or 2 years finally came into realisation... I got to give myself a pat for that xD

Chinese New Year is coming soon... I am still in the midst of getting my new job (well I have commitments) and I was planning to start my new job on February... Whether I got an offer or not is another story but what I want is a job that I really enjoy doing with a good boss... Now I realise how important to have a good boss in the company I am working for... Apart from my job hunting, we are in the midst of getting a reply from the perfume company in France... Frankly speaking, I did not do much stuff related to this France company (my housemate did all of it) and it seems like this is our only last choice and chance... I won't go deep into the details on what we going to do for now...

What should I do next???

Getting myself ready for everything now >.<

Summary Of My 2022...

We have finally entered 2023 and at the same time, it still reminds me of what had happened to me in 2022, vividly... Everything started off on 31st Dec 2021 (which is New Year of 2022) and everything ended miserably for me until July, like half a year and slightly more... I posted everything (like very detail) that had happened to me since then in my blog as well... I could not bring myself to read it again but I will still keep it to remind whoever that reads it not to make the same mistake as I did... It had taught me that everything can change just within a day, things can get worst within a week, and tragedies befall within months... I had the worst year in my life, and had to suffer a lot of things throughout the first half of the year... Battling depression wasn't really easy but I managed to get out of it in less than a year so I am still feeling thankful for that...

The funny thing is, it was a really wild ride for me in early 2022 but I felt that I had learnt a lot of valuable lessons in my life, and hopefully I can share this lesson to everyone else so they will not repeat the same mistake I did... I will let this misery locked deeply inside the 2022 vault and start my new beginning in 2023... I will make 2023 to be a brand new me and do what I really wanted to do :D

Wishing everyone a happy, healthy and wealthy 2023!!!